Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my new girlfriend gave me head for the first time. It was so good, I swear she sucked my soul into another dimension! I was snapped back to earth by the thought that no one sucks that good without years and years of practice. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the other dicks she’s sucked. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
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Top comments
deathwishkid 0
"3 long months"? god, guys really cant take comittment unless their whistle's being blown can they?
Candisalis 0
What the heck?! How is that sweet? Three months is extremely quick for anything like that. Apparently, you're a ho.
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Comments (74)
ericck 0
if it's true it's true, speak the truth
frosting1012 0
I just love how you spell practicing wrong… retard
mad2physicist 0
I just love how 'practising' is the correct ENGLISH way to spell it (as in 'in England) and wanker Americans think their f-ed up method is the only one. I don't see why this is offensive to her. It means she has natural talent.
jennjdub 6
^^^ Thank you!! ^^^
22cute 17
38- uh..it would probably mean that if Op SAID that! Why not learn to communicate properly? Or you can just go on blaming others for failing to read your thoughts.
superbabies 0
Nice! Nuff said.
vballerlover07 0
Wtf? My boyfriend said that to me and he was my first *******. I took what he said as a compliment.
unluckyduckyz 0
I've been dating for 9 months and no blow jobs here
xcl0wdx 0
u should have slapped her when u said it.
nannu_nannu 1
Where's the fml? Sounds like a compliment to me
YacL 15
There are other ways of spelling it you know. Like center and centre.
devinewind 4
Should have given her the angry dragon instead
amburger7345 3
oh boy 3 whole months.... stupid guys