Intimacy: Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I...

By misunderstood - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

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Intimacy

Walk on the wild side

Grow up

Freshman blues

By Anonymous - India

Today, I left my brand new iPhone on the counter, and went to get its cleaning cloth. My grandmother saw a mosquito, and used my iPhone as a fly swatter. I now have a broken iPhone. Good news though: no more mosquito. FML

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By not getting laid - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

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By Anon. - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

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By sydcaller618 - United States - Richmond

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

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By "Mom2grls808" - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month old on the floor (carpeted) in the livingroom. when I woke up my daughter bombed her diaper her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen....FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my driving test. Completing the test, we returned and parked at the testing facility. As my tester was complimenting me, I leaned down to wind my window up, catching my long hair in the window. Frantically thrashing, I put the car in drive and floored it into a concrete wall. FML

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By prin - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

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By Moody - United States

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

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By storrent - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

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By nick - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

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By - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2021 19:59

Iron Chef America

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

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By Agata - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

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By Amanda Howard - 30/11/2020 02:02

Be hotter

Today, I saw that a girl on Twitter made $1.5 million just from OnlyFans and she's only 19. Meanwhile, I'm 21 and working two jobs just to afford school and pay my bills. FML

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770

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By the un-loved child - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

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53579

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

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43435

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By Devin

Today, my dog chewed through his leash, so I had to take him inside to prevent him from running off. I went to bed. I woke up to torn-up blinds, half-ate sandals, and a very, very anxious cat due to my dog running after her and trying to sniff her butt. FML

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1347

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

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27798

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By lonelygal69 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

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29961

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

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47815

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By Samantha - Canada

Today, I was having lunch at a cafe. There was an attractive guy looking at me from another table. I smiled back and gave a little wink. A minute later he approached me. I introduced myself and asked if he wanted my number. He said, "Um, no but what are you eating? It looks really good" FML

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50042

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By mehdi-online

Today, for the first time I sat next to a hot babe. I was feeling nervous, nevertheless, I managed to shyly ask her phone number. It’s only when I arrived back home that I realized there was a digit missing. FML

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66643

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By sharkiewarkiemoosey - Switzerland - Gossau

Today, I tried to catch a train to get to my new job. I was stopped and told that I needed a pre-purchased ticket to enter the platform. The only way to get the ticket, they said, was by buying one on the platform. I arrived by taxi nearly an hour late for my first day. FML

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40394

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By nobody - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

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21809

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By notfuckingpaidenough - United States - San Leandro

Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

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31373

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By Nothingonyou - France

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

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35072

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML

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23847

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By socreepedouticanteven - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

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32425

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By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

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45428

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

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31569

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By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

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24823

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By BigMouth McRedface - United States

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

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10782

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By Myriam - Maldives - Male

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

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25766

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By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

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13408

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By Rescheduled - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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13328

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - Maldives - Male

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, My family and I were in New Orleans. We passed by all of the naughty peep shows with posters of naked women everywhere on the way to dinner. At the restaurant, my dad asks me if that was the first pair of boobs I have seen. My mom butted in saying, "Nah, remember all that porn we found?" FML

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By kinky - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

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Top comments

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

COMMENTS

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

chaos753159 | 4

#1356040 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:04

the zebra is in the donkey

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356129 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

call him later and say that youre pregnant

chaos753159 | 4

#1356142 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:20

#18 ur reply has nothing to do with #1 :V

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356146 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:21

I know you're joking but that is so wrong.... WTF and you're a guy saying this(:

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1356171 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:29

...atleast the sex was good?

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356212 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:35

yea i know i tried commenting elsewhere but it wouldnt post

cory6585 | 0

#1356371 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

I can say That I never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on and look for someone else why even continue to hook up

cory6585 | 0

#1356382 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:28

I have never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on find someone else.

420pium | 0

#1356405 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:34

fibgcvdds

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1356420 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:38

who has sex right before you break up

Mehness | 0

#1356434 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:39

#20 Neither does yours :V

Drummer389000 | 0

#1356439 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:40

why did you argue with him was it a good reason or was it a bitchy reason? if bitchy ydi if good fly I'm sorry.

mona_is_here | 10

#1356536 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

What a user.

Mumbellosity711 | 0

#1356539 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

your picture is amazing.

FreePali | 0

#1356618 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:32

Poor thing. I guess he was right though. I don't think anyone in their right mind would stay with him.

KingDingALing | 9

#1356678 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

Maybe you should have "get-back-together sex".

Tasanasanta | 0

#1356681 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

At least you had good sex. Every storm cloud has a silver lining!....Unless it's at night.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1357084 - Sunday 5 September 2010 20:20

owned. so owned

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1358442 - Monday 6 September 2010 3:33

no really

By imemyself77 | 4

#1356021 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

sucks to be you

flighted | 1

#2441336 - Monday 2 May 2011 0:03

sounds like OP misunderstood

By ThunderGawd | 0

#1356035 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:03

so was it break up sex? can't blame him. break up sex is best because all kind of freaky can happen without worrying about what the other thinks or feels. Grunge it baby

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1356050 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:05

Break up sex? Wow. No.

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356124 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

Any guy that can!

litreofcola | 0

#1356288 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:02

who doesn't have break up sex?

jferal | 0

#1356297 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:03

ikr??? wtf

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356457 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:45

Why NOT have breakup sex?

sebassm | 12

#6166884 - Thursday 8 January 2015 18:53

For real who does?

By omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356089 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:12

i modded this one sweet

SaintE_fml | 0

#1356373 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

slide????

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356476 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:50

I want your shirt!

knight0748 | 5

#1356572 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:18

nobody cares....

luongo95 | 0

#1359039 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

nice tits

silvac13 | 0

#2455636 - Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:51

ummm right… #8's title is Mr, just saying

effyoubitch | 5

#3316235 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 10:28

SaintE... You really fight mma?! :)

By chrissaaababy | 0

#1356091 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

break up sex? really?

biagginoUSA | 5

#1356530 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:06

how you doing

travey | 0

#1356640 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:36

^^^^^^^^
fail.

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1357341 - Sunday 5 September 2010 21:39

^^^^^
even bigger fail

By icecreamman222 | 0

#1356096 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

haha that sux

smiles4life | 1

#1357447 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:03

I never believed in the whole make-up or break-up sex thing, if u want my opinion it's a stupid way to make up after a fight. I wouldn't wanna have sex with my bf after he just pissed me off. just sayin. lol

By SaintE_fml | 0

#1356098 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

how do you mistake that!!! 8 I'm bored

By murderbykitkat | 0

#1356104 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:16

Break-up sex? lol. wow.