Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I...

By misunderstood - 5/9/2010 10:56 - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Does it taste good?

British Broadcasting Corporation

By wherermypants - 2/8/2012 05:10 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

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By vetapplez - 4/4/2009 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

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By ReallyMom - 9/1/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

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By Killmenow - 30/8/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

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2758

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By worthless - 10/11/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who doesn't wear deodorant and has horrible dandruff, decided to shower for the first time in nearly a week because he got invited out to a bar. He didn't even invite me to go with him. FML

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14674

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By purpleskylight - 27/6/2012 05:29 - United States - Lexington

Today, I tried for 45 minutes to convince my psychiatrist to take me off my antidepressant. When he finally agreed to do so, I broke down into tears and sobbed uncontrollably for 10 minutes. Hello, increased prescription. FML

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By BDayssuck - 2/9/2009 14:47 - United States

Today, my fiancé, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

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By helpme - 15/7/2013 17:25 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

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By jerk - 24/6/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

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By devigsgirl - 26/8/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2009 01:26 - United States

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

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By LoveBytes - 27/3/2012 21:29 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I emailed my crush an anonymous love letter. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized that the email address I used contained my full name. FML

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By delamer - 29/1/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

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By GlassPwn - 19/12/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into my room in only a towel. I walked in front of my brother to get to my computer. He said, "My webcam is on." I replied smartly by screaming, hugging the towel tightly to me, turning, and running straight into the glass door, dropping the towel. His friends saw and laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2020 17:00

The student becomes the master

Today, I threatened my kids I’d turn off their WiFi unless they did their chores, so my eldest chimed in, "Please, we changed the WiFi password months ago in case you tried to threaten us like this," then turned off my WiFi, which I need to work from home. I had to beg a 12-year-old to let me work. FML

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By Patrick R - 9/6/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, my co-worker finally gave me a check for the money he owes me. In the memo line, he wrote "for swallowing". Now I have to go cash it. FML

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By bloodyLIP - 14/5/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

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By dating a pussy - 18/2/2014 21:15 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

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By Jess - 30/5/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By Abandoned - 9/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 17:07 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 12:11 - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

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By Semius - 8/5/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

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By frgn8r - 31/5/2010 11:59 - Australia

Today, my friends and I finished a 2 day, 40km bush walk. We parked a car at the finish of the track and drove another car to the start, so we could drive back and pick it up when we finished. At the end of the trek, I realised I had left the keys for the second car in the first car. FML

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By Sleeper_C3ll - 4/2/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

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By please_no - 16/3/2010 14:40 - United States

Today, the water in my shower wouldn't drain so I used a snake to unclog it. I pulled almost a full foot of nasty hair and gunk out of the drain. I just moved in, and the previous owner was an elderly woman. I just pulled a foot of old lady pubes out of my drain. FML

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By kristajoy2001 - 1/9/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML

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By Pfff - 11/12/2008 10:40 - France

Today, I argued with a boy from school over a girl. I didn't know he was a black belt judoka. I'm still in pain. FML

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By missy - 16/6/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was held in airport security because I'd "threatened" an employee. He had confiscated my eyelash curler and jokingly I asked if he thought I was going to curl him to death. He didn't laugh. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2015 08:55 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend she's too good for me, then asking if she wants to settle for someone like me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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23607

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By Kevin - 29/12/2011 19:32 - France

Today, a friend told me over MSN that her father had died. Trying to express some solidarity, I went to send her a tearful smiley. I accidentally sent her the dancing pig animation instead. FML

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By The Rock's arse - 4/7/2014 20:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

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By husbands addiction - 26/3/2014 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

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45427

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By churchgoer - 20/3/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

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By JustEwww - 22/10/2009 21:24 - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

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By anon - 30/6/2020 08:02

Parenting

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

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By gonads - 23/8/2017 16:00

Banana-nana fo-fo-nads

Today, I was playing baseball. My full name is Nadeene, my nickname is Dee, but people have started calling me Nads. Someone yelled out "Go Nads" as I went up to bat. Guess what my new nickname is? FML

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Top comments

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

Comments

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

chaos753159 | 4

#1356040 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:04

the zebra is in the donkey

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356129 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

call him later and say that youre pregnant

chaos753159 | 4

#1356142 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:20

#18 ur reply has nothing to do with #1 :V

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356146 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:21

I know you're joking but that is so wrong.... WTF and you're a guy saying this(:

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1356171 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:29

...atleast the sex was good?

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356212 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:35

yea i know i tried commenting elsewhere but it wouldnt post

cory6585 | 0

#1356371 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

I can say That I never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on and look for someone else why even continue to hook up

cory6585 | 0

#1356382 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:28

I have never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on find someone else.

420pium | 0

#1356405 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:34

fibgcvdds

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1356420 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:38

who has sex right before you break up

Mehness | 0

#1356434 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:39

#20 Neither does yours :V

Drummer389000 | 0

#1356439 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:40

why did you argue with him was it a good reason or was it a bitchy reason? if bitchy ydi if good fly I'm sorry.

mona_is_here | 10

#1356536 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

What a user.

Mumbellosity711 | 0

#1356539 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

your picture is amazing.

FreePali | 0

#1356618 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:32

Poor thing. I guess he was right though. I don't think anyone in their right mind would stay with him.

KingDingALing | 9

#1356678 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

Maybe you should have "get-back-together sex".

Tasanasanta | 0

#1356681 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

At least you had good sex. Every storm cloud has a silver lining!....Unless it's at night.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1357084 - Sunday 5 September 2010 20:20

owned. so owned

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1358442 - Monday 6 September 2010 3:33

no really

By imemyself77 | 4

#1356021 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

sucks to be you

flighted | 1

#2441336 - Monday 2 May 2011 0:03

sounds like OP misunderstood

By ThunderGawd | 0

#1356035 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:03

so was it break up sex? can't blame him. break up sex is best because all kind of freaky can happen without worrying about what the other thinks or feels. Grunge it baby

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1356050 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:05

Break up sex? Wow. No.

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356124 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

Any guy that can!

litreofcola | 0

#1356288 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:02

who doesn't have break up sex?

jferal | 0

#1356297 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:03

ikr??? wtf

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356457 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:45

Why NOT have breakup sex?

sebassm | 12

#6166884 - Thursday 8 January 2015 18:53

For real who does?

By omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356089 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:12

i modded this one sweet

SaintE_fml | 0

#1356373 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

slide????

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356476 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:50

I want your shirt!

knight0748 | 5

#1356572 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:18

nobody cares....

luongo95 | 0

#1359039 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

nice tits

silvac13 | 0

#2455636 - Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:51

ummm right… #8's title is Mr, just saying

effyoubitch | 5

#3316235 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 10:28

SaintE... You really fight mma?! :)

By chrissaaababy | 0

#1356091 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

break up sex? really?

biagginoUSA | 5

#1356530 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:06

how you doing

travey | 0

#1356640 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:36

^^^^^^^^
fail.

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1357341 - Sunday 5 September 2010 21:39

^^^^^
even bigger fail

By icecreamman222 | 0

#1356096 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

haha that sux

smiles4life | 1

#1357447 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:03

I never believed in the whole make-up or break-up sex thing, if u want my opinion it's a stupid way to make up after a fight. I wouldn't wanna have sex with my bf after he just pissed me off. just sayin. lol

By SaintE_fml | 0

#1356098 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

how do you mistake that!!! 8 I'm bored

By murderbykitkat | 0

#1356104 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:16

Break-up sex? lol. wow.