Intimacy: Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I...

By misunderstood - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

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35501

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Intimacy

Leave us alone

Ironic

What about me?

By nicetomeetyou2 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

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41632

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By Rosie

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2519

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514

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By creeper - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML

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12255

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By imalilangel05 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

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102044

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By foojew93 - United States

Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48194

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By Carolina R-h

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1439

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

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By Anon - United States - Greensburg

I am a lineman for the countyyyyyy…

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45561

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By RC - United States

Today, my cousin and I were out on the boardwalk. I walked to the railing next to a man and said, "Great view isn't it?" Then I found out that the man was blind and had a seeing eye dog. FML

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30244

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By Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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28728

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By hypocrite - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

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25680

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By jdot747 - Canada

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8638

You deserved it

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By Az - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29831

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2021 06:01

Unreasonable demands

Today, my girlfriend was mad I have so many female contacts in my phone and demanded I delete some of them. Two thirds of them are blood relatives, the rest are coworkers and one is a friend I’ve known since primary school, who is dying of a brain tumour. Which exactly should I delete? FML

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925

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By Aussie mate - 24/9/2020 08:01 - Australia

Sorry, dude

Today, I got up and started getting ready for work. As I entered the bathroom, I noticed a moth in the shower. Feeling generous, I caught the moth in a cup and took it to the front porch. I released the moth and watched it fly away… into a giant spider and its web. FML

I agree, your life sucks

954

You deserved it

184

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By PLU - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32854

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5687

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By bureaucratic assfuckery - United States - Baltimore

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

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28588

You deserved it

1864

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By Camm. - United States

Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML

I agree, your life sucks

38342

You deserved it

2002

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom

This is war!

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb's hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

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796

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By Samipearl - United States

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29407

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By kellie1115 - United States - Rowlesburg

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious conversation about our future. Somehow it turned into a 10-minute discussion about what time of day we usually take a crap. FML

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24112

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By 42 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

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42661

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Fiancé of the year

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1559

You deserved it

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By Alex - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

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46356

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By Anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, I heard from my dad for the first time in over six months. It was through Facebook, in a message blaming my brothers and me for his horrible life, and in which he spelled my name wrong. FML

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38399

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By asianlover - Finland

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

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58062

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By willieboom - United States

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

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58574

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By loserman67

Today, I was told that the $8,500 bill for my new water well grew to $11,000 because of a fair amount of overtime. I learned that the men I hired to drill the new well at our home were spending the overtime drilling my daughter as well. FML

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20665

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

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58176

You deserved it

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By look before you speak - United States

Today, I was at a swim meet. I asked my friend if he could be my wingman and help me get a date with a girl I really liked. I told him my plan, and as I finished and turned to go to her, I noticed her standing right there, listening in on the whole conversation. FML

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46558

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By ohdearyme - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

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37353

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By blow me - Australia - Vermont

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

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23759

You deserved it

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By stew - United States

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

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48966

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By mandy - United States

Today, I was taking the bus to work and it was a rather bumpy ride. The child sitting across from me asked her mom if her chin moves like mine when the bus goes up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26836

You deserved it

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By embarrassed - United States - Garden Grove

Holy shit

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21953

You deserved it

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By pinkplasticjesus - Canada

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15266

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By not an alchy - 9/5/2021 19:59

Boozehound

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

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828

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2021 22:01

Serial killer vibes

Today, when my son told me he wanted to work with animals, I thought he meant a vet, turns out his actual career goal was to be the guy who puts the strays to sleep at the animal control centre. He got that job and I’ve never seen him happier. What monster have I raised? FML

I agree, your life sucks

959

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135

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2021 22:59 - Australia

Hang in there

Today, after growing up in abusive homes most of my life until last year, I'm finally the happiest I could be and I'm getting all the help I need and achieving my dreams. I feel genuinely happy, yet I still want to end it. I've asked doctors for meds but they want me to see a psychiatrist first. The waiting list is more than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

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Top comments

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

COMMENTS

By ThereIsNoFork | 0

#1356019 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

So what's the difference?

chaos753159 | 4

#1356040 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:04

the zebra is in the donkey

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356129 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

call him later and say that youre pregnant

chaos753159 | 4

#1356142 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:20

#18 ur reply has nothing to do with #1 :V

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356146 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:21

I know you're joking but that is so wrong.... WTF and you're a guy saying this(:

Melaniee_fml | 0

#1356171 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:29

...atleast the sex was good?

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356212 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:35

yea i know i tried commenting elsewhere but it wouldnt post

cory6585 | 0

#1356371 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

I can say That I never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on and look for someone else why even continue to hook up

cory6585 | 0

#1356382 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:28

I have never had break up sex. What is the point? Move on find someone else.

420pium | 0

#1356405 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:34

fibgcvdds

nobody_u_ko | 0

#1356420 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:38

who has sex right before you break up

Mehness | 0

#1356434 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:39

#20 Neither does yours :V

Drummer389000 | 0

#1356439 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:40

why did you argue with him was it a good reason or was it a bitchy reason? if bitchy ydi if good fly I'm sorry.

mona_is_here | 10

#1356536 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

What a user.

Mumbellosity711 | 0

#1356539 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:07

your picture is amazing.

FreePali | 0

#1356618 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:32

Poor thing. I guess he was right though. I don't think anyone in their right mind would stay with him.

KingDingALing | 9

#1356678 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

Maybe you should have "get-back-together sex".

Tasanasanta | 0

#1356681 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:51

At least you had good sex. Every storm cloud has a silver lining!....Unless it's at night.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1357084 - Sunday 5 September 2010 20:20

owned. so owned

mexicutioner123 | 0

#1358442 - Monday 6 September 2010 3:33

no really

By imemyself77 | 4

#1356021 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:02

sucks to be you

flighted | 1

#2441336 - Monday 2 May 2011 0:03

sounds like OP misunderstood

By ThunderGawd | 0

#1356035 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:03

so was it break up sex? can't blame him. break up sex is best because all kind of freaky can happen without worrying about what the other thinks or feels. Grunge it baby

By deafeningsilence | 8

#1356050 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:05

Break up sex? Wow. No.

By Haterman123 | 0

#1356077 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:08

WTF who has break up sex

sourgirl101 | 28

#1356124 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:18

Any guy that can!

litreofcola | 0

#1356288 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:02

who doesn't have break up sex?

jferal | 0

#1356297 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:03

ikr??? wtf

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356457 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:45

Why NOT have breakup sex?

sebassm | 12

#6166884 - Thursday 8 January 2015 18:53

For real who does?

By omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1356089 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:12

i modded this one sweet

SaintE_fml | 0

#1356373 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:25

slide????

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1356476 - Sunday 5 September 2010 17:50

I want your shirt!

knight0748 | 5

#1356572 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:18

nobody cares....

luongo95 | 0

#1359039 - Monday 6 September 2010 7:12

nice tits

silvac13 | 0

#2455636 - Wednesday 4 May 2011 4:51

ummm right… #8's title is Mr, just saying

effyoubitch | 5

#3316235 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 10:28

SaintE... You really fight mma?! :)

By chrissaaababy | 0

#1356091 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

break up sex? really?

biagginoUSA | 5

#1356530 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:06

how you doing

travey | 0

#1356640 - Sunday 5 September 2010 18:36

^^^^^^^^
fail.

FootballFreak4 | 3

#1357341 - Sunday 5 September 2010 21:39

^^^^^
even bigger fail

By icecreamman222 | 0

#1356096 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

haha that sux

smiles4life | 1

#1357447 - Sunday 5 September 2010 23:03

I never believed in the whole make-up or break-up sex thing, if u want my opinion it's a stupid way to make up after a fight. I wouldn't wanna have sex with my bf after he just pissed me off. just sayin. lol

By SaintE_fml | 0

#1356098 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:14

how do you mistake that!!! 8 I'm bored

By murderbykitkat | 0

#1356104 - Sunday 5 September 2010 16:16

Break-up sex? lol. wow.