Money: Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back...

By car - 21/08/2010 05:25 - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 648

You deserved it 4 084

Money

Dementia or hate? You decide

Mother of the year

Good kid

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 941

You deserved it 5 929

By OhBoy - 05/08/2013 19:10 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I realized why my water bill has gone down so much. My 16 year old daughter now only feels it necessary to shower whenever her boyfriend is going to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 034

You deserved it 5 244

By erdot - 08/05/2019 21:00 - Romania - Bucuresti

Today, after 7 years of writing my PhD thesis, I found a book containing all the exact findings I've spent arduous hours, nay, years discovering. My tutoring professor somehow forgot to mention I was discovering sealing wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 640

By RedHotRoses - 20/12/2017 15:00

Today, I walked into my office and found my ex-roommate going through my desk. Apparently, despite not wanting to be friends or even speak anymore, he has no qualms about "borrowing" my Master's thesis so he can compare and write his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 245

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 16/11/2008 03:36 - France

Today, I drank a beer that I thought was mine, it wasn't and someone had put out their cigarette in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 448

You deserved it 11 856

Goldmining

By Anonymous - 22/09/2021 08:00

Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 1 317

By kids - 12/05/2014 05:17

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 724

You deserved it 5 613

Stereotypes

By Anonymous - 26/09/2019 06:01

Today, my girlfriend's Facebook relationship status was changed to single. When I tried to ask her about, she told me she's a lesbian now. Her mullet should've been a clue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 307

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 230

You deserved it 4 131

By hatemyjob - 23/04/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 43 622

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 497

You deserved it 32 080

By Mak10 - 10/12/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 270

You deserved it 36 876

By moron - 28/05/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 296

You deserved it 3 715

By I'm so wet, baby - 28/11/2014 17:27 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work, I really had to pee. Since my break was soon, I decided to hold it as another customer came to my till, but I didn't see she had 3 trolleys full of food. It took ages to scan all of it, and when I left for my break, I had an empty bladder and a wet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 7 589

Gambled and lost

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 10:59

Today, I found out that my mom found a paper with my long lost username and password to an old crypto wallet with 17 bitcoins. She'd thrown it in the garbage bin before realising what it was. The bin was empty when I went running to check it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 31/08/2011 17:06 - Canada

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 142

You deserved it 2 520

By Anonymous - 25/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, i was trying to be sexy and sent my new bf a nude. Before we started dating I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 3 961

Hard test

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 1 982

By wellfuckyoutoo - 24/11/2015 17:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 1 741

By Hooty - 02/09/2015 21:52 - United States - Groveton

Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 322

You deserved it 2 295

Good one, thanks

By MarkTheShark - 12/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 814

You deserved it 6 833

Best uncle

By Sean Martin - 06/02/2020 05:00

Today, I realized that the last 3 months, I've been taking care of my girlfriends 1 year old kid. The other night, she told me that I was a good uncle to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 02/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 331

You deserved it 2 539

By Itchy Missy - 10/09/2014 03:38 - United States - Denver

Today, I got more pleasure from itching the bed bug bites from sleeping over at my boyfriend's house than I got from actually sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 224

You deserved it 5 649

By sabotaged - 02/11/2015 00:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 1 556

Change it!

By man down! man down... - 01/12/2019 03:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 357

By Dr.Octopus454 - 07/10/2011 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, working as a life guard, I walked through the changing room to go back to the pool. On the way, a naked old man started up a conversation with me. We talked for 10 minutes about pool chemicals, while his penis wobbled around with every small movement. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 075

You deserved it 3 611

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 131

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 4 141

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 736

You deserved it 15 874

By meggasee - 25/01/2010 00:23 - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 754

You deserved it 8 260

By failure - 12/07/2012 16:08 - United States - Hector

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 881

You deserved it 3 611

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 432

You deserved it 6 029

By fatty - 29/04/2015 01:36 - United States - West Chester

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 233

You deserved it 5 212

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 879

You deserved it 3 008

By 11321 - 22/04/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 932

You deserved it 6 872

By brandogg - 30/04/2016 00:11 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 636

You deserved it 1 314

By workerbee - 09/08/2019 12:00

Today, because of a miscommunication with my boss, the furniture I was renting during my summer job was taken back by the movers. I still have a week of work left and nothing to eat with, and nothing to sit or sleep on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 120

By LoveDrug - 17/02/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 2 831

By dummy - 22/05/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 267

You deserved it 44 804

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

caligal14 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

Fight the ticket in court, I'm sure you'll get it overturned or at least lessened.

Clover2009 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 19:01

I get it. OP said that he was going down hill when his breaks went out, so he must've zoomed by a speed camera and it caught him in the moment of freaking out over it, aka "shitting himself." Frankly, I laughed. But OP gets a FYL. Take it to court with records of your breaks being fixed (receipts, etc) and of course the ticket and picture. I'm sure the story would amuse the judge.

oakleyguy 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:26

cool

marinus_fml 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:28

hahah I can relate to this since you're from Australia =D gotta hate multi-novas

mattman1994 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:32

Hey I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to pampers

whattagirl 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:33

lmaoooo #9, u r epic .. thanks for making my day lol

rimouski 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:38

#9 lmao he's taking over fml with his comments xD

2kool4skoolyo 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:41

Geico, 15 minutes or more save you 15% or nore on diapers...It's so easy that a baby can do it

legonut4 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:44

haha you pooped yourself on camera

pajamurao 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:52

ohhh brakes, I thought it said braces... LOL fail

Izzy_babii 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:17

I don't get how the camera got you shitting yourself...i mean,how would it catch your ass if your sitting in the car? lmao

Siji 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:27

130's are rare, hang on to that

RTRbryant 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:40

speedshit

rallets 22

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:48

ahh 15 is trying too hard

nishant5456 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:50

it's alright but next time don't shit your self next time.

2kool4skoolyo 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 17:50

31 hmm I know but 9 took my line

rallets 22

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 18:01

meh, fair enough i guess

xxLauraSxx 4

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 18:12

LOL!

thisisLAUREN 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 18:39

haha #15 tried to be funny but #9 won.

AlesanaLTL 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 18:50

im not understanding? you broke your brakes than shit youself now you have to pay 130$? this makes no sense to me!

morganrules123 10

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 19:02

41 He had messed up brakes so when he was going down a hill he couldn't slow down which scared him and made him shit his pants. He was going beyond the speed limit so a speed camera caught him and he had to pay 130 for a speeding ticket.

flotar 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 19:24

lmfao @9, 15 on the other hand, that was SAD, please stop trying, u might hurt yourself ;)

2kool4skoolyo 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 19:34

9 took my line that's all I am going to say

Brittney_E 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 20:04

lol @ 15 and 9(:

zoocity13 5

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 20:11

i'll bet that left a skid mark

oarisimo 4

Send a private message

Sunday 22 August 2010 7:54

43 the op is female just so you know. doesn't make a difference, it just bugs me when people don't bother looking :/

SmilingFriend 0

Send a private message

Sunday 22 August 2010 22:50

simple attach a copy of the repair bill to the traffic ticket. it may get waived if you explain along with the repair bill of what happened.

mollieOdare 0

Send a private message

Monday 23 August 2010 5:44

#39-you probably get this alot but you are super duper gorgeous(:

RVCA_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 August 2010 9:57

lol

Hoplaka 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:28

Wow lol! First maybe :)

walkmywaynot 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:29

haha should do normal checks

a_lexstbbs2o11 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

- ... sucks for you :]

caligal14 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

Fight the ticket in court, I'm sure you'll get it overturned or at least lessened.

fball913 0

Send a private message

Saturday 21 August 2010 19:56

to court!!

dragonmystik3030 0

Send a private message

Sunday 22 August 2010 14:38

54... you are wrong hahahaha you fight charges and tickets IN court. you take people/cops/rta to court. hence the post was correct in saying fight it IN court.