Money: Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back...

By car - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

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Money

And today, on Dr Phil…

Our house, in the middle of our street

Insurance is a scam

By Anonymous - 17/8/2020 20:00

I keep mine hidden

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

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1539

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By Youtube drama sucks - 4/2/2021 22:58

YouTube Drama

Today, I went down a four-hour YouTube rabbit hole trying to understand the Onision drama. I finally snapped out if it, thinking, "I don't care about any of this. What am I doing with my life?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

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25925

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

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54098

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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42905

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3739

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

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26054

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By privatebathroomneeded - United States - San Francisco

Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

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33764

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By annoyed - United States - Berkeley

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

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30445

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By AboutToBeHomeless

Today, I received a letter from my landlord's attorney. It said my landlord is terminating my "verbal" lease with him. Ten years ago, the deal began as rent to own. My landlord is my grandfather. FML

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9802

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By Jason199615 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

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By "liisiuu"

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

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3947

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By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

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44876

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By CastAway - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

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48559

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By Anonymous - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

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8175

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By zaktor

Today, at my fundraising job, I got my biggest donation ever: $500. I accidentally added a zero and charged the donor $5000. What I got: an angry phone call and a lecture from my boss. What I didn't get: a donation. FML

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2182

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By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

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32419

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By anti-drugs - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

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41182

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4250

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

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44944

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By LonelyGuy - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

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35058

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my favourite singer, but when she signed my CD, the marker was out of ink. By the time I realised there was no signature, she was already gone. FML

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3075

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383

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By khannnn - United States

Today, looking to hire new tech support members, but due to not looking over any resumés, my ex-wife is now one of our potential candidates. FML

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16016

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By Gremlin - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

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22816

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3986

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By Brrrb - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

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60940

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By Anonymous - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

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28280

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1962

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By ItalianBabyDoll

Alexa, play "That's Not My Name" by The Ting Tings

Today, during my boyfriends birthday dinner, his father shouted, “Jessica, can you slice me a piece too?” My name isn’t Jessica and I’ve been in their family for over two years. FML

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1588

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147

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19991

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27007

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By dumpedchick - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me. I was really depressed so a couple of my friends came over to take me out to a club to cheer me up. My ex was there, partying with his friends. He came up to me and my friends and asked my friend if she wanted to hang out sometime. She said yes. FML

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63203

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3625

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2021 11:01

The Good Life

Today, I live in a tiny village in the countryside. Nice and quiet, right? Wrong. The farm next door rents out their land to some kind of soil processing company. Basically, it’s like living next to a never-ending construction site that knows neither Sundays nor holidays. FML

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656

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By social anxiety my a** - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

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37604

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By Anonymous

With friends like her, who needs money?

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

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By poo4brains - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

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32965

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3597

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By Fauna

Today, I started to make a protein shake to have a healthy breakfast. It exploded. Turns out, my mom lost the rubber gasket and put the blender back, so it looked ready to use. By the time I cleaned it all up, it was time for me to leave for work. I'm now eating chips from the vending machine. FML

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1605

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147

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By LordAdam - Australia

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

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16051

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By FailureAtLife121 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

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10117

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By Anonymous

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

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2054

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By Erica - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

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4378

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By damnitsam

Today, while making lunch, I passed out. After waking up in the hospital, my brother yelled at me for leaving the freezer open. FML

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5259

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408

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By are you kidding me???? - United States - Chaplin

Today, my boss fired me for "fooling around" on my phone. I was looking for supplies for a surprise party we are throwing him for his birthday, and I didn't want to do it on my work computer because he has access to our history. Also, this happened during my lunch break. FML

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34163

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1930

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By Piggirl

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

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4138

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By BeatenUpPup - Canada

Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML

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46129

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Top comments

By caligal14 | 0

#1280187 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

Fight the ticket in court, I'm sure you'll get it overturned or at least lessened.

By Clover2009 | 0

#1280754 - Saturday 21 August 2010 19:01

I get it. OP said that he was going down hill when his breaks went out, so he must've zoomed by a speed camera and it caught him in the moment of freaking out over it, aka "shitting himself." Frankly, I laughed. But OP gets a FYL. Take it to court with records of your breaks being fixed (receipts, etc) and of course the ticket and picture. I'm sure the story would amuse the judge.

COMMENTS

By oakleyguy | 0

#1280150 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:26

cool

marinus_fml | 19

#1280164 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:28

hahah I can relate to this since you're from Australia =D gotta hate multi-novas

mattman1994 | 0

#1280203 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:32

Hey I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to pampers

whattagirl | 0

#1280224 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:33

lmaoooo #9, u r epic .. thanks for making my day lol

rimouski | 0

#1280247 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:38

#9 lmao he's taking over fml with his comments xD

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1280270 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:41

Geico, 15 minutes or more save you 15% or nore on diapers...It's so easy that a baby can do it

legonut4 | 0

#1280288 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:44

haha you pooped yourself on camera

pajamurao | 0

#1280316 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:52

ohhh brakes, I thought it said braces... LOL fail

Izzy_babii | 0

#1280454 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:17

I don't get how the camera got you shitting yourself...i mean,how would it catch your ass if your sitting in the car? lmao

Siji | 0

#1280481 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:27

130's are rare, hang on to that

RTRbryant | 0

#1280506 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:40

speedshit

rallets | 22

#1280532 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:48

ahh 15 is trying too hard

nishant5456 | 0

#1280551 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:50

it's alright but next time don't shit your self next time.

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1280554 - Saturday 21 August 2010 17:50

31 hmm I know but 9 took my line

rallets | 22

#1280602 - Saturday 21 August 2010 18:01

meh, fair enough i guess

xxLauraSxx | 4

#1280640 - Saturday 21 August 2010 18:12

LOL!

thisisLAUREN | 0

#1280699 - Saturday 21 August 2010 18:39

haha #15 tried to be funny but #9 won.

AlesanaLTL | 0

#1280736 - Saturday 21 August 2010 18:50

im not understanding? you broke your brakes than shit youself now you have to pay 130$? this makes no sense to me!

morganrules123 | 10

#1280764 - Saturday 21 August 2010 19:02

41 He had messed up brakes so when he was going down a hill he couldn't slow down which scared him and made him shit his pants. He was going beyond the speed limit so a speed camera caught him and he had to pay 130 for a speeding ticket.

flotar | 0

#1280832 - Saturday 21 August 2010 19:24

lmfao @9, 15 on the other hand, that was SAD, please stop trying, u might hurt yourself ;)

2kool4skoolyo | 0

#1280845 - Saturday 21 August 2010 19:34

9 took my line that's all I am going to say

Brittney_E | 0

#1280961 - Saturday 21 August 2010 20:04

lol @ 15 and 9(:

zoocity13 | 5

#1280975 - Saturday 21 August 2010 20:11

i'll bet that left a skid mark

oarisimo | 4

#1282984 - Sunday 22 August 2010 7:54

43 the op is female just so you know. doesn't make a difference, it just bugs me when people don't bother looking :/

SmilingFriend | 0

#1286720 - Sunday 22 August 2010 22:50

simple attach a copy of the repair bill to the traffic ticket. it may get waived if you explain along with the repair bill of what happened.

mollieOdare | 0

#1288160 - Monday 23 August 2010 5:44

#39-you probably get this alot but you are super duper gorgeous(:

RVCA_fml | 0

#1293965 - Tuesday 24 August 2010 9:57

lol

By Hoplaka | 0

#1280159 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:28

Wow lol! First maybe :)

By walkmywaynot | 0

#1280176 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:29

haha should do normal checks

By a_lexstbbs2o11 | 0

#1280182 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

- ... sucks for you :]

By caligal14 | 0

#1280187 - Saturday 21 August 2010 16:30

Fight the ticket in court, I'm sure you'll get it overturned or at least lessened.

fball913 | 0

#1280938 - Saturday 21 August 2010 19:56

to court!!

dragonmystik3030 | 0

#1284100 - Sunday 22 August 2010 14:38

54... you are wrong hahahaha
you fight charges and tickets IN court.
you take people/cops/rta to court.

hence the post was correct in saying fight it IN court.