Health, Poopoo peepee and Keys: Double trouble

Double trouble

By Trinity - 03/05/2022 00:01

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 174

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Same thing different taste

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 825

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 943

You deserved it 11 418

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 957

You deserved it 8 456

By Ugh - 02/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 198

You deserved it 4 380

Jobsworth

By sucksssssss - 28/01/2010 20:12 - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone had pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor, and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 184

You deserved it 3 992

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 111

You deserved it 3 178

Sticky situation

By CodyS - 03/09/2013 05:03 - United States - Rocky River

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 218

You deserved it 11 284

Locked and loaded

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 196

You deserved it 43 448

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 416

You deserved it 1 989

By Anonymous - 01/05/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 899

You deserved it 13 670

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 0:04

I'd say you're shit out of luck, but... ...no, I'm gonna say it.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:17

Talk about up shit's creek...

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 0:04

I'd say you're shit out of luck, but... ...no, I'm gonna say it.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:17

Talk about up shit's creek...

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:26

I think it's spelled Schitt's Creek.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 5:07

Touché

2deployments1divorce 11

Tuesday 3 May 2022 4:22

Practice breaking into your house before you need to.

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Roommate Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 64

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 714

The Top

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 288

You deserved it 1 987

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 696

You deserved it 385

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 269

Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 184

You deserved it 1 038

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 954

You deserved it 5 639

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 439

You deserved it 1 387

Double trouble

Same thing different taste

Keys, how do they work?

Jobsworth

Sticky situation

Locked and loaded

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