Health, Poopoo peepee and Keys: Double trouble

Double trouble

By Trinity - 03/05/2022 00:01

Today, not only did I shit myself on my way to work, I left my house keys in the bathroom after I cleaned up. It's $90 to replace them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 162

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Same thing different taste

Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 808

By Anonymous - 12/11/2008 08:10 - France

Today, I dropped my keys in the sewer. The spare ones are inside my locked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 939

You deserved it 11 415

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 951

You deserved it 8 444

By Ugh - 02/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I locked myself out of my apartment. I've just realized that I could have spent $30 on an Uber or Lyft to my parents' place to grab the other set of keys instead of calling a locksmith and paying $280 for him to drill a hole through my doorknob, rendering all my keys useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 193

You deserved it 4 371

Jobsworth

By sucksssssss - 28/01/2010 20:12 - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone had pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor, and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 180

You deserved it 3 989

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 101

You deserved it 3 175

Sticky situation

By CodyS - 03/09/2013 05:03 - United States - Rocky River

Today, on my lunch break, I ran to the gas station, and threw some trash away on my way in. On my way out, I realized my keys were missing. Thinking I threw them away, and fearing that I'd be late returning to work, I tore through the disgusting trash only to find my keys on the seat of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 214

You deserved it 11 279

Locked and loaded

By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 03:07 - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 43 444

By oh, shit...... - 02/02/2016 20:27 - Denmark - Bagsv?rd

Today, I was at the gym. At the end of my workout, I realised I lost the bundle of keys I had in my pocket that contained the key to my locker with all my stuff. I panic and start looking for them. After an hour of desperate searching, I find them thrown in the bottom of the public toilet. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 414

You deserved it 1 989

By Anonymous - 01/05/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 891

You deserved it 13 668

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 0:04

I'd say you're shit out of luck, but... ...no, I'm gonna say it.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:17

Talk about up shit's creek...

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 0:04

I'd say you're shit out of luck, but... ...no, I'm gonna say it.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:17

Talk about up shit's creek...

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 3 May 2022 1:26

I think it's spelled Schitt's Creek.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 3 May 2022 5:07

Touché

2deployments1divorce 11

Tuesday 3 May 2022 4:22

Practice breaking into your house before you need to.

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I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 10

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 775

You deserved it 12 677

The Top

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 204

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 4 025

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 905

You deserved it 1 463

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 463

You deserved it 3 377

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 160

You deserved it 9 122

Today, while at the vending machine, I put in my $20 instead of my $1. I got my change back in quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 098

You deserved it 44 597

Double trouble

Same thing different taste

Keys, how do they work?

Jobsworth

Sticky situation

Locked and loaded

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