Health: Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel... - FML

By Anonymous - 05/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, I picked the treadmill next to an old man so I could feel better about myself. He ran faster and longer than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 037

You deserved it 36 451

Mother of the year

Empathy lives

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By haqL - 15/11/2013 22:51 - Mexico - Quer?taro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 478

You deserved it 4 878

By bigdaddy - 25/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 172

You deserved it 8 549

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 10:45 - Russian Federation

Spicy

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 343

You deserved it 9 276

By MexyBoy - 11/06/2019 16:08

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 807

You deserved it 275

By Boo Boo - 22/01/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 042

You deserved it 2 447

By Anonymous - 10/05/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 336

You deserved it 5 607

By missclitter - 09/04/2012 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 757

You deserved it 4 038

By Anonymous - 14/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad came in to ask if I wanted the rest of his cake. I'd made it for my cousin's wedding, and spent 2 days preparing it. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 083

You deserved it 124

Conspiracy.

By Anonymous - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 568

You deserved it 430

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 646

You deserved it 27 160

By slut - 29/08/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 335

You deserved it 59 157

By Anonymous - 22/11/2010 22:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I wanted to take advantage of the alone time we would have while our kids are visiting my parents. My idea? A nice dinner out and kinky sex all night long. His idea? Chinese buffet and subsequent dutch ovens in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 3 958

By queen_lol - 10/05/2016 17:14 - United States

Today, I was at a party at my boyfriend's house. As I was walking past him, he pulled me onto his lap and started introducing me to a childhood friend. I sneezed and accidently peed on him. I'm 6 months pregnant and can't control my bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 414

You deserved it 2 163

By Anonymous - 10/05/2013 16:48 - Norway

Today, I decided to end things with my boyfriend, thinking it would be fine since things have never been at all serious between us. He cried for hours before having his grandmother text me to say how heartless I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 109

You deserved it 8 521

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 4 494

By ehxtraordinarily pissed - 13/12/2014 18:36 - United States - Coweta

Today, my Canadian friend is staying a few days at my parents' house. I drove him from the airport, only to find my idiot dad had decked the spare room out with maple syrup bottles. He keeps saying "eh" all the time and asked "What's he so upset aboot?" when my friend was offended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 3 373

By frenchienyx - 13/05/2019 00:00

Today, I was in Brooklyn for a meeting. I parked my car but my iPhone didn’t save my location. Where is my car? Called NYPD. No car towed. I had to walk 3 hours in the rain to find it thanks to the “Panic” button. So glad I found my car, but the “Loud Panic” button didn’t want to stop for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 1 978

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 665

You deserved it 2 431

By Cam - 21/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 206

You deserved it 43 660

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 18:30 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 849

You deserved it 18 437

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 213

You deserved it 32 262

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 00:11 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 990

You deserved it 2 170

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 771

You deserved it 26 246

By Chels - 24/05/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend oral, and he got so into it that he grabbed my hair. Just as he was about to climax, he pulled my hair so hard that my extensions came out. I jerked back and hit my head on the wall behind me. He then came in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 520

By Username - 01/12/2010 03:39

Today, a customer at the store I work at asked me what kind of cake I would suggest for her husband's 50th birthday. I laughed and showed her the Grim Reaper cake. She burst into tears and explained that he has cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 084

You deserved it 62 176

By Anonymous - 24/12/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 688

You deserved it 3 392

By oh dang /: - 25/05/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 7 529

By str3tch - 03/04/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 759

You deserved it 3 367

By highschoolnobody - 23/06/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, I was looking through my high school yearbook. I found a picture of myself and a couple of my friends at our senior prom. The caption gave the names of all my friends, their dates who didn't attend our school, and listed me only as "guest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 476

You deserved it 2 924

By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 318

You deserved it 1 531

No sex, lots of violins

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 11:01

Today, my violin broke and I have a recital coming up. I gave it to my friend to give it to the luthier and the luthier has fixed it. I asked my friend to return it to me and they became angry I was asking for too many favours. My recital is tomorrow and I can't get my hands on a violin for at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 06:03 - United States - Demorest

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 960

You deserved it 3 890

By Bitchjackedmyball - 12/09/2012 08:52 - United States - Kihei

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 452

You deserved it 5 531

By soapy - 01/10/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 016

You deserved it 8 913

Unhappy Birthday

By Anonymous - 27/07/2020 02:01

Today, none of my family was at home. Turns out my one of my aunts was having a birthday party and all my relatives went, but nobody told me because they don’t like me coming around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 241

Good question

By Juliett - 29/08/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 19/08/2019 16:00

Today, my husband is still swearing he’s not cheating, forgetting I have a bachelor's in criminal justice with a minor in criminology. Leaving for work 2 hours early going to the same address every morning? Late every evening going to the same said address? How stupid does he think I am? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 331

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 144

Clocked

By Anonymous - 26/08/2020 16:54

Today, I was stopped by a customer who told me that I looked like a nice woman. I thanked him for the compliment and pointed out that I was a man. With an obviously male name on my name tag. And visible facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 148

By FreakinthePink - 06/12/2010 07:20

Spicy

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 3 035

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Top comments

Snowboarder2010 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:19

YDI for being judgmental. There is a lot of older people that run and exercise to stay in shape and stay healthy.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:09

Ouch. ;)

Comments

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:09

Ouch. ;) [2nd!]

me199 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:11

nope ;)

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:09

Ouch. ;)

Reyo 2

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 7:54

This translates to "Today, I tried to make myself feel superior by belittling someone only to find that they were better than me at the thing in which I was belittling them." Bully.

LexRB 0

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Sunday 12 September 2010 13:53

I agree with reyo jerk, YDI for being fat, mean and stupid bitch

blondebrunette11 4

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Monday 27 June 2011 13:45

hahaha i wanna see that(:

I_used_2_luv_her 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:17

An old man is in good shape, I agree FYL

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Sunday 20 February 2011 3:17

it might Hav been zig zillar

Snowboarder2010 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:19

YDI for being judgmental. There is a lot of older people that run and exercise to stay in shape and stay healthy.

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:21

OMG THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Like LOSE not gain weight! Or maybe work out so you have more energy!

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Sunday 30 October 2011 10:03

They were at the gym for a reason, retard.

DiminishedFifth 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 2:35

That happens when you're fat

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:15

I recently moved to the colorado springs area and hiked up a very steep hill locals call the incline. It took me an hour (one mile walk). I am in good shape but it kicked my butt. There was an old man (60's) who jogged straight up the hill and back down without stopping! The high elevation kicks your ass too until you get used to it. The old man beat all the younger guys up the hill.

strawberryhtty 0

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:38

YDI for actually posting this as and FML. I don't feel sorry for your stupid ass. Maybe quit your bitchin and do something about it you wouldn't be in this situation.

LemonStarship 5

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Wednesday 6 January 2010 3:51

The old man has skills

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 82

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 87