Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying...

By Highroller_17 - 13/8/2015 04:13 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25712

You deserved it

2340

Favorite

Geek

The student becomes the master

Vultures

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - 5/9/2015 05:56 - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20867

You deserved it

9933

Favorite

By sadparty - 6/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I suffered a mental breakdown. I told my roommates about it, and they decided to throw a very loud party while I was sobbing in my room, unable to sleep. My Xanax prescription ran out, I have no more sick days, and I have to wake up in two hours to work a ten hour day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37990

You deserved it

7486

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2012 13:46 - United States

Today, I was finally paid back by a friend who wrote a check out. Not really looking at it, I went to the bank to deposit it. As I handed it to the teller, I noticed that he had written "sex" in the "for" memo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25469

You deserved it

4088

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 19:07 - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8407

You deserved it

41133

Favorite

By DDD - 31/1/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21292

You deserved it

66556

Favorite

By fmjob - 17/8/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44465

You deserved it

3968

Favorite

By BarbieKen - 14/6/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me I spread my legs to help out then he looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41002

You deserved it

63101

Favorite

By evilsandwich - 6/3/2013 17:18 - Canada - London

Today, after house-sitting for a week, I came home to find the house in which I rent a basement suite has all but burned to the ground. My landlord didn't even bother to tell me about the fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34859

You deserved it

2121

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2020 08:09

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1386

You deserved it

Favorite

By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - 21/10/2012 23:00 - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26356

You deserved it

2388

Favorite

By ouch - 26/6/2010 14:23 - Canada

Today, my friend hit a glass with her arm, so I dove to try and catch it before it hit the ground and shattered. I hit my head against the table, giving me a nice gash that needed stitches. The glass was actually plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34640

You deserved it

8934

Favorite

By Jerrrr - 27/5/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41948

You deserved it

286571

Favorite

By snarly1 - 6/12/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27723

You deserved it

2087

Favorite

By gabormelchior - 23/4/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, I got dressed in what I thought was a really adorable outfit. I had a cute pink skirt on, a white tank top and silver strappy sandal heels. On my way to the mall a car pulls over and this guy asks me how much for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32114

You deserved it

75450

Favorite

By NotYourLady - 4/9/2009 06:23 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55802

You deserved it

3651

Favorite

By ok cool - 13/10/2015 01:53 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24003

You deserved it

2858

Favorite

By embarrassedhubby - 18/9/2010 03:48 - Canada

Today, when I came home from work, I saw my wife in nothing but black boots and a Santa hat. My boss and coworker were with me. I now have guys wanting to have a threesome with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30335

You deserved it

6370

Favorite

By girly - 12/4/2012 04:06 - United States - Canton

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22474

You deserved it

52405

Favorite

By smellsfunnyinfrance - 21/8/2016 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18645

You deserved it

1174

Favorite

By JessThompson - 5/12/2012 16:50 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24865

You deserved it

4327

Favorite

By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23885

You deserved it

4231

Favorite

By UnboundA - 7/6/2016 16:27 - United States - Ruckersville

Today, I loaded up a cart at work with all the things that take me the longest to stock, figuring I'd just get it over with. My manager decided to use that cart to time me and measure my efficiency. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12370

You deserved it

983

Favorite

By Username - 14/3/2011 06:53

Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home, she even took the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36979

You deserved it

5622

Favorite

By mandybar15 - 14/12/2012 23:52 - United States - Norman

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38075

You deserved it

6643

Favorite

By chumman - 6/5/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57973

You deserved it

20842

Favorite

By Distracted - 9/4/2015 20:11 - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16414

You deserved it

41788

Favorite

By Distressed - 11/2/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66516

You deserved it

3525

Favorite

By engineerdude91 - 20/10/2010 03:01 - United States

Today, I realized the benefits at Burger King are better than at my company. I'm an engineer, have three degrees, speak three languages fluently, and work at a multi-billion dollar company. The guy flipping burgers has better health care and more corporate 401k contributions than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33968

You deserved it

4156

Favorite

By what the FUCK - 15/8/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37986

You deserved it

3220

Favorite

By GeesLouisee - 1/5/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3693

You deserved it

491

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/8/2013 06:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49763

You deserved it

8018

Favorite

By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - 16/9/2015 13:42 - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23891

You deserved it

1690

Favorite

By Brodam - 17/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Priorities

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By nick2.0 - 9/9/2009 21:20 - United States

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61058

You deserved it

5519

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 00:31 - United States

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34394

You deserved it

19322

Favorite

By idonteven - 12/8/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49916

You deserved it

4448

Favorite

By dudewheresmywheelschicago - 20/9/2016 05:14 - United States - Danville

Today, I had the most Chicago experience ever. While I was eating my delicious, deep dish pizza, someone was ripping the rims off my car 15 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13556

You deserved it

1013

Favorite

By smashed - 24/9/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24891

You deserved it

6360

Favorite

By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27901

You deserved it

7676

Favorite

By sad_gay - 16/4/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

107981

You deserved it

16924

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ms_ValS | 27

#6379803 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:09

Well what are you waiting for OP? If what she's saying is true, this is your chance.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#6379804 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:10

If she's your type why not? Worst that can happen is you never want to see her again. Although with the mother coming in often that could be awkward.

COMMENTS

By Ms_ValS | 27

#6379803 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:09

Well what are you waiting for OP? If what she's saying is true, this is your chance.

boating_guy | 33

#6380147 - Thursday 13 August 2015 23:32

Waiting for? How about getting tested first. We're talking about wal mart here

cornyrob | 33

#6380200 - Friday 14 August 2015 1:44

Perhaps he is being propositioned because he DOESN'T fit that profile.

theamazingd | 17

#6380359 - Friday 14 August 2015 8:53

But is the potential mother in law really worth it???

FMLFreakShow | 18

#6667762 - Monday 8 August 2016 18:59

Why does this comment have so many likes? It's not funny, but it is rude, The OP probably isn't wimpy or nerdy and doesn't need a pity date.

By onlychildFTW | 33

#6379804 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:10

If she's your type why not? Worst that can happen is you never want to see her again. Although with the mother coming in often that could be awkward.

milehigh52 | 22

#6379822 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:43

I'm guessing if she was OP's type then this wouldn't be an fml.

JMichael | 25

#6379842 - Thursday 13 August 2015 13:42

I think the FML is more that she called him the "wimpy nerd" type.

NeatNit | 32

#6379899 - Thursday 13 August 2015 15:22

the customer can always use anpther lane, no biggie

By Benmantha | 31

#6379805 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:10

Why not? You might end up dating her. :)

NeatNit | 32

#6379900 - Thursday 13 August 2015 15:23

and if they get married, he can always remember that is all thanks to his type - the nerdy, wimpy type.

PencilTips | 19

#6514801 - Tuesday 19 January 2016 20:42

No its all thanks to the mother approaching him, if anything that phrase could have seperated then even further.

By Nubsche | 18

#6379806 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:10

Go for it!

By MrSarary | 26

#6379807 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:11

I don't know if you should feel flattered that you're good enough for her daughter or insulted about the 'whimpy nerdy'.

By rozdawg | 13

#6379810 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:22

What are you waiting for?

By chuchusheep | 19

#6379814 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:29

she obviously thinks you're the one for her daughter

By MrSassypants | 32

#6379815 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:30

Next time you come in and she tries to hook you up with her daughter again you should do your best Napoleon Dynamite impression to show her what she is truly missing out on.

By igg125 | 30

#6379818 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:37

You've got moms approval

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6379820 - Thursday 13 August 2015 12:42

Even though she thinks your a wimpy nerdy type, you'll never know unless you try, so unless you already have a girlfriend, I say go for it and see how her daughter work out.