Work: Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because...

By feistychick - 25/04/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 054

You deserved it 2 746

Work

Dementia or hate? You decide

Good kid

Renters' rights

By fml - 20/05/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 913

You deserved it 7 596

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 301

You deserved it 6 918

Galaxy brain take

By Oragami - 12/06/2020 14:07

Today, a customer told me it was bullshit we couldn't serve coffee because of the COVID restrictions, and added that the protests and riots happening are because people are bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 210

By fonsui - 02/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 285

You deserved it 4 275

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 107

By ~~~ - 29/06/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 478

You deserved it 4 320

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 2 099

By lalalalalala - 17/03/2011 16:56 - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 732

You deserved it 3 715

Never go public

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 20:00

Today, I learned to keep your posts private on social media. Your boss might find your Facebook status updates saying, “I hate this shitty 9-5, I want to be on a beach with a margarita.” I got a call from him saying, “You’re terminated from the shitty 9-5, so you don’t have to anymore. Enjoy the beach!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 2 159

By ishyboo - 27/02/2016 22:59 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 270

You deserved it 28 754

By Anonymous - 21/08/2014 17:39 - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 453

You deserved it 3 792

By Till We Pass Out - 03/10/2015 15:30 - United Kingdom - Halifax

Today, I was pushing so hard to take a number two that I ended up passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 5 272

By biblewanker - 17/12/2010 16:05 - Australia

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 589

You deserved it 3 550

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 15:15 - Netherlands

Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 292

You deserved it 4 353

By Anonymous - 07/07/2013 19:04 - Germany - Ahaus

Today, it's been three weeks since I moved to Germany with my own money, after my company's offices in Spain shut down. I was given a job at the headquarters here, only to have just found out that the whole company is now set to go into liquidation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 358

You deserved it 3 143

By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 03:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my sister put a piece of leather in my homemade beef jerkey to prove a point. I ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 1 348

Mesmerized

By Embarrassing - 26/06/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I took my car to a drive-through car wash. It wasn't until after my back seat was filled with foam and I had been squirted in the face that I realized my back seat window was rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 947

You deserved it 36 426

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 381

You deserved it 8 511

By misswhiskers - 28/02/2011 11:21 - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 999

You deserved it 3 337

By strayy - 30/09/2015 06:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 544

You deserved it 2 320

By make america date again - 10/02/2016 17:49 - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 603

You deserved it 1 368

By anonymous - 21/05/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 302

You deserved it 8 448

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 03:55 - United States - Redlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate on the bathroom floor. Somehow my nose managed to start bleeding, so he bent me over the tub and kept going because he didn't want to "ruin the moment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 656

You deserved it 9 788

By stuck - 19/09/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 10 889

By stepmom - 18/06/2011 09:40 - Australia

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 692

You deserved it 5 029

By maybe dead in a day - 20/01/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 4 228

Anyone for cake?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's mom's surprise birthday party. I was sent to pick up the very expensive cake and dozens of balloons. Not only was it windy and the balloons flew away, I tripped and dropped the cake. In the driveway in front of all their family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 556

You deserved it 7 874

By Desiree_lianne - 26/03/2016 21:02 - United States

Today, my fiance said his cat is going to be my maid of honor at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 952

You deserved it 2 959

Smoke 'em while you can

By OuttaNowhere81 - 15/05/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 574

You deserved it 73 492

By (///▽///) - 18/02/2017 21:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 560

You deserved it 2 958

By highlandgirl10 - 21/07/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 012

You deserved it 6 206

By Sundendako - 27/01/2010 10:20 - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 304

You deserved it 3 527

Awkward

By ellinor - 17/09/2010 20:33 - Sweden

Today, I was walking outside when I saw my best friend about 100 meters away. I began running towards her, arms flailing, screaming out a tribal battle cry. It wasn't until I was nearly on top of her that I realised it was someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 37 089

By nootnoot - 10/05/2016 06:33 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 642

You deserved it 1 457

By Gameless Guy - 24/12/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 144

You deserved it 4 089

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 958

You deserved it 6 837

By rie - 24/12/2009 00:29 - Ireland

Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 377

You deserved it 5 391

Sinking feeling

By Daligheri - 02/03/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 101

By JellitonOctopus - 25/01/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 2 644

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Top comments

rakhil11 7

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Saturday 25 April 2009 23:28

so how much extra did u give urself? ;D what i would have done

24788 6

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Saturday 25 April 2009 23:26

Haha, I'd tell him to go fuck himself and walk away. I'm not paid to write my own check anymore. He has to figure it out anyways or he could get into huge trouble.

lmfao93 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 23:22

First

STr8_CaLi_d0p3 4

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Friday 27 August 2010 3:18

Jus rob that bitch!!

WizKid 0

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Saturday 25 April 2009 23:23

Wow, that's awful, haha.

michael32123 0

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Monday 8 February 2010 6:33

you shoulda put like 1 million dollars on it :P

Darraghscoot 0

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 21:04

yeah exactly what i was thinking! haha

Niki0308 0

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Wednesday 16 March 2011 2:16

I was 2 

WhyCantIDoRight 5

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 12:03

Haha, Same here ;)

24788 6

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Saturday 25 April 2009 23:26

Haha, I'd tell him to go fuck himself and walk away. I'm not paid to write my own check anymore. He has to figure it out anyways or he could get into huge trouble.