Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me...

By Lin - 2/3/2010 05:57 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

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Intimacy

KoBabe

Doomed

This is fine

By SquirrellyGirl - 15/7/2019 22:00

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

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By stdpositivenow - 18/10/2011 14:16 - United States

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

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By rutho - 27/3/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

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By IronMonkey - 9/6/2009 19:39 - United States

Useless tools

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

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By JustEwww - 22/10/2009 21:24 - Australia

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

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By jobless - 9/7/2014 05:02 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

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By misoranomegami - 21/6/2014 02:48 - United States

Today, my mother came over to check on my new kitten while I was at work. She took a video of the kitten playing on my bed and climbing on my nightstand. Right on top of my vibrator I forgot to put away. I'm not sure if she noticed or not but she's certainly been showing the video around. FML

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By Jen - 11/2/2011 09:02

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

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By ashleylynn17 - 25/2/2014 21:59

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

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By carpusher - 12/4/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

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By Erasmus - 27/10/2008 03:27 - France

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML

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By Perdito_Coño - 5/9/2014 20:55 - Australia - Quakers Hill

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

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By ArmyMan - 24/6/2009 16:37 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

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By tried to help - 7/10/2019 00:01

Stranger Danger!

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

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By Iamthatgirl - 27/8/2014 04:56 - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

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By stillhurting - 5/1/2014 21:45 - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

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By James - 5/11/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML

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By heartbroken - 14/7/2012 01:41 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2013 16:09 - United States - Deer Park

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

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By jazzie7719 - 28/9/2014 19:26 - United States - Arlington

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

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By MrGullible - 17/4/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

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By Emily - 3/3/2011 15:23

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

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By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

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By AM - 31/8/2015 21:46

Today, it was my birthday and I have no children. My father bluntly says, "Well, I guess if I get any grand-babies out of you now, they will have Down's Syndrome." I just turned 30. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2015 16:58 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2013 12:40 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 09:00 - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2015 12:56 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2020 20:00

Stir crazy

Today, I was so bored under quarantine, I spent 2 hours on a colouring book for toddlers. I need human contact, any human, desperately, before I start talking to the walls or seeing pink elephants. FML

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By snowinggrey - 19/2/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

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By Username - 27/8/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, while waiting for a doctors appointment, my husband started playing angry birds. Continually losing the game ended up raising his blood pressure to the point where he now has to have his medication changed. The new medication is $100 copay. FML

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By Boyufd - 30/7/2020 23:01

The Dark Knight

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

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By rebekah - 3/4/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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By gp28 - 18/2/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

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By Renter - 24/3/2011 14:54 - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

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By gjh - 19/1/2009 03:20 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

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By Annomymous - 23/1/2015 18:12 - United States - Clarkston

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

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By Yeah - 24/10/2014 05:02 - United States - El Paso

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

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Top comments

By vaebouria | 0

#907293 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:23

dude that's fucking creepy! call the panda

By Eddie_Paints | 0

#907321 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

Did you enjoy Hannah Montana anyway??

COMMENTS

By luisavs | 0

#907273 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:17

0h yuck that sucks.
I hope he wasn't purposely bumping into you...

whatchutalkinbou | 0

#907315 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

I think it's pretty obvious he was 0_0

sublimaze | 6

#907357 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

YDI for being short

DeeBizz | 0

#907367 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:45

boner soup .

Repttar | 0

#907410 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:00

good, did u flash ur mameries, suck him and make him a sandwhich? if u didn't, quit ur bitching and get in the kitchen

theian01 | 3

#907418 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:08

I died reading #14's post. That was one of the best jokes he's had.

punkin76 | 0

#907524 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:19

I've had that happen myself.

Luckily it was a hot young guy though.

JohnyF | 0

#907609 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:15

12 hahahaha lol haha XD lol seriously it's not his fault

BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#907865 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:13

ok what I really want to know is, did you then move after bumping into the frozen hotdog, or were you feelin frisky and freaky and decided to stay there?

this question will be haunting me all day...

blitzen123 | 0

#908101 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 19:28

What a creeper.

mn_mpls | 0

#908261 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:29

ydi for going to a concert that an old guy would go to. unless he went just so he could creep on girls. then fyl

WordsOfHope | 0

#908444 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:36

once again reptarr wins

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#908671 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:01

iiiii think if he was hott you should have offered to go fuck in the bathroom!

peace7love2FML | 0

#909400 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:30

then move?

Becca_Blaise | 0

#909676 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:51

ewwww that soo creepy

michael32123 | 0

#909993 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:31

@51 you me = good buttsecks?

michael32123 | 0

#909997 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:33

@51 you me = good buttsecks??

WhatANoob | 0

#910061 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:53

I call fake. I've read the same FML but it was on a train

cantdeleteaccount | 2

#910212 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:50

#83 whats wrong with you thats like the third time you posted that to some random girl you pedifile

kjhowse | 0

#910342 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:58

yu deserve it for making him get one

Danielt104 | 6

#922477 - Sunday 7 March 2010 20:42

@ 12 fuck you you prick. OP can't help that they are short!

anlhawks | 5

#977677 - Sunday 11 April 2010 7:59

ha thank you really i'm short it's not under my control!!

By vaebouria | 0

#907293 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:23

dude that's fucking creepy! call the panda

glen12 | 0

#907377 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:48

sexual harrassment panda?

summerloolooloo | 0

#907460 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:39

They should make it possible to "like" comments.

BlueBomber | 0

#907529 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:24

Note the thumbs-up icon to your right, if you're in a browser. If not, disregard this comment. It'll self-destruct shortly anyway.

fisheatsbear | 6

#907628 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:32

they don't have the thumbs on an iPod

Wooddaver | 0

#908299 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:37

@43 which is kinda ironic when you think about it...

adriiana1019 | 0

#908364 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:05

haha!! it totally is ironic!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#908676 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:03

I dont get it 55.......

crazycornn | 0

#909876 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:01

neither do I...

Fiskerz | 0

#910737 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:14

you use your thumbs to type on a iPod/iPhone

papichulo1411 | 0

#913150 - Thursday 4 March 2010 5:32

hey #66 let's hook up

nerdytacos | 3

#2447587 - Monday 2 May 2011 23:51

am I the only one who got the South Park reference?

Miguel11167 | 4

#2889587 - Thursday 14 July 2011 10:42

Yes They Do.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#907299 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:24

haha dang that suckss you got set up. He must have had a blast.

spongebob95 | 0

#908640 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:44

lmao I know

By imNotWavy | 0

#907301 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:24

3rd! y'all should really try to KETCH-UP!

junolee | 0

#907309 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:26

2nd fail man...your fkn 4th u retard
even in another post u failed to count right

scorpio95 | 0

#907313 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:27

Yeah, what ^^^ said

xKazama_Blood | 0

#907317 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

what a retard. fail again #3

SBone_fml | 0

#907322 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:29

Hear hear. What a douche.

tokintot07 | 0

#908313 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:44

argeed--with junolee.

and has anyone realized this same story has been posted. first it was an old guy on the subway bumping, then the homeless guys on the subway, now it's an older man at a concert. jeez

By Eddie_Paints | 0

#907321 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

Did you enjoy Hannah Montana anyway??

gohabs21 | 0

#907391 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:53

lul

paperisuseful | 0

#907396 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:54

lmao

mymuse | 0

#910305 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:39

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! best comment ever

By Eggvader | 0

#907330 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:31

a concert free humping. you know some people have to pay to get hump. unless the concert was sucky I don't see an FML here.

gotpromise | 0

#907405 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:59

If she had to pay to be humped by an old man, a refund is necessary.

tristan1001 | 0

#907412 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:02

agreed

perdix | 29

#907543 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:33

1. Wink at older man.
2. Complain that you are short on cash.
3. "Accidentally" bump the boner a few times.
4. Wink again.
5. Hike skirt
6. ?????
7. Profit!

gtridr | 1

#907853 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:05

omg perdix yet again ... epic fuckin win

Wooddaver | 0

#908353 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:01

SUPRISE BUTTSECKS for profit???

Wolfwood187 | 0

#920810 - Sunday 7 March 2010 7:08

lol

By sleekRelease | 0

#907360 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

I've seen something very similar before here.

By werewolflover4ev | 0

#907383 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:51

#15 hell yea!!! ;D that is sooooooo messed up! ewwwww. like, eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.

By gecko13 | 0

#907404 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:58

if you didn't move or hit him in the nutts, ydi!

ktbird | 0

#907514 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:11

Agreed just because you're short doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself.

adrianna4ever | 0

#909447 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:41

why do people keep sayin that no one deserves to be sexually harrassed and she probably did dobsomething to him. duuhh

By KyleSays1 | 0

#907411 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:01

eww what a creep