Intimacy: Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me...

By Lin - United States

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

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28004

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Intimacy

Commando

Our house, in the middle of our street

Awkward

By bertthelamb - United States

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

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47960

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By Tragic - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 22:59

Real life

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 16 months has had an "internet-only" girlfriend since before we got together, but she wasn't ever "real" to him, so he didn't think it would get in the way. FML

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802

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By it's awkward - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

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22766

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By missclitter - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend, when I had to go pee. Halfway down the aisle, I tripped, screamed, and fell face-first into some guy. My boyfriend is now accusing me of cheating and "flirting" with every man I see. FML

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29739

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By M. Night Shytefuck - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

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32297

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By zac545 - United States

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

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53863

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By FuturePolice - United States

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." And then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

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38443

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By TooNoisy4Me - United States - Bellerose

Today, like every year, my next-door neighbors started setting off their fireworks at exactly midnight. Also, like every year, the sensitive car alarm belonging to another neighbor has gone off with every firework. It's been almost six hours of nonstop alarms and explosions. FML

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13646

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By bucktooth - United Kingdom

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

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25363

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By Mavis - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

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45072

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By oink401 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60811

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML

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49685

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By Boyufd - 2/1/2021 08:00

Forever alone man

Today, I feel so lonely I talked to the likely scam number that called me. Even then they hung up after 2 minutes of talking to me. FML

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706

You deserved it

153

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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20222

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By Doy - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

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27451

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By DepressedKid - Canada

Oh, hi Mark!

Today, I found out that no one actually likes me as a friend. They only like me to get answers for school work. How did I find out? They were talking about it in front of me. Apparently I'm also invisible to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37215

You deserved it

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By Potato_Lord - United States - Madison

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22688

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Israel - Petah Tiqwa

Today, I was showing the Instagram of my crush to my cousin. He double-tapped the picture, thinking it would zoom it in. It was posted 5 months ago. FML

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6553

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By Anonymous - Australia - Rosebery

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

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56077

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By nomorefreehugs - United States

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

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26635

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41119

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By misc - Australia

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

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29649

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By Anonymous - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

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43253

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By dumbassbuffet - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

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20709

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By 4yrldkicker - United States

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

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57647

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By jack - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

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36892

You deserved it

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By Dez Johnson - 7/3/2021 11:01

New or used?

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

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698

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By thanks hun

Overheard musings

Today, my husband came out of the bathroom and screamed, "Call 911 because I just murdered this motherfucking toilet!” then laughed hysterically at his own stupid joke. I was on a Zoom meeting at the time. Everyone heard. FML

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1774

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 20:08

About last night…

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

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233

You deserved it

1670

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

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By Forgotten - United States

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

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47606

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By smf_ds - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

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25001

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By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

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4007

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

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52703

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

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33789

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after leaving my mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person for not saying goodbye to my sister when I left. The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog. FML

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44077

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By CorinnenotaplanB

Today, my date for this weekend called and asked if he could bring his possible new girlfriend on our weekend getaway as well. FML

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3679

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By GeoKid - Canada

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

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By Nate - United States

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

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23547

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

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44648

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Top comments

By vaebouria | 0

#907293 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:23

dude that's fucking creepy! call the panda

By Eddie_Paints | 0

#907321 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

Did you enjoy Hannah Montana anyway??

COMMENTS

By luisavs | 0

#907273 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:17

0h yuck that sucks.
I hope he wasn't purposely bumping into you...

whatchutalkinbou | 0

#907315 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

I think it's pretty obvious he was 0_0

sublimaze | 6

#907357 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

YDI for being short

DeeBizz | 0

#907367 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:45

boner soup .

Repttar | 0

#907410 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:00

good, did u flash ur mameries, suck him and make him a sandwhich? if u didn't, quit ur bitching and get in the kitchen

theian01 | 3

#907418 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:08

I died reading #14's post. That was one of the best jokes he's had.

punkin76 | 0

#907524 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:19

I've had that happen myself.

Luckily it was a hot young guy though.

JohnyF | 0

#907609 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:15

12 hahahaha lol haha XD lol seriously it's not his fault

BadPinkKitty07 | 0

#907865 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:13

ok what I really want to know is, did you then move after bumping into the frozen hotdog, or were you feelin frisky and freaky and decided to stay there?

this question will be haunting me all day...

blitzen123 | 0

#908101 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 19:28

What a creeper.

mn_mpls | 0

#908261 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:29

ydi for going to a concert that an old guy would go to. unless he went just so he could creep on girls. then fyl

WordsOfHope | 0

#908444 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:36

once again reptarr wins

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#908671 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:01

iiiii think if he was hott you should have offered to go fuck in the bathroom!

peace7love2FML | 0

#909400 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:30

then move?

Becca_Blaise | 0

#909676 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:51

ewwww that soo creepy

michael32123 | 0

#909993 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:31

@51 you me = good buttsecks?

michael32123 | 0

#909997 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:33

@51 you me = good buttsecks??

WhatANoob | 0

#910061 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:53

I call fake. I've read the same FML but it was on a train

cantdeleteaccount | 2

#910212 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 6:50

#83 whats wrong with you thats like the third time you posted that to some random girl you pedifile

kjhowse | 0

#910342 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:58

yu deserve it for making him get one

Danielt104 | 6

#922477 - Sunday 7 March 2010 20:42

@ 12 fuck you you prick. OP can't help that they are short!

anlhawks | 5

#977677 - Sunday 11 April 2010 7:59

ha thank you really i'm short it's not under my control!!

By vaebouria | 0

#907293 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:23

dude that's fucking creepy! call the panda

glen12 | 0

#907377 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:48

sexual harrassment panda?

summerloolooloo | 0

#907460 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:39

They should make it possible to "like" comments.

BlueBomber | 0

#907529 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:24

Note the thumbs-up icon to your right, if you're in a browser. If not, disregard this comment. It'll self-destruct shortly anyway.

fisheatsbear | 6

#907628 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 15:32

they don't have the thumbs on an iPod

Wooddaver | 0

#908299 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:37

@43 which is kinda ironic when you think about it...

adriiana1019 | 0

#908364 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:05

haha!! it totally is ironic!

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#908676 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 23:03

I dont get it 55.......

crazycornn | 0

#909876 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:01

neither do I...

Fiskerz | 0

#910737 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 12:14

you use your thumbs to type on a iPod/iPhone

papichulo1411 | 0

#913150 - Thursday 4 March 2010 5:32

hey #66 let's hook up

nerdytacos | 3

#2447587 - Monday 2 May 2011 23:51

am I the only one who got the South Park reference?

Miguel11167 | 4

#2889587 - Thursday 14 July 2011 10:42

Yes They Do.

By SliceNthrice | 0

#907299 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:24

haha dang that suckss you got set up. He must have had a blast.

spongebob95 | 0

#908640 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 22:44

lmao I know

By imNotWavy | 0

#907301 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:24

3rd! y'all should really try to KETCH-UP!

junolee | 0

#907309 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:26

2nd fail man...your fkn 4th u retard
even in another post u failed to count right

scorpio95 | 0

#907313 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:27

Yeah, what ^^^ said

xKazama_Blood | 0

#907317 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

what a retard. fail again #3

SBone_fml | 0

#907322 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:29

Hear hear. What a douche.

tokintot07 | 0

#908313 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 20:44

argeed--with junolee.

and has anyone realized this same story has been posted. first it was an old guy on the subway bumping, then the homeless guys on the subway, now it's an older man at a concert. jeez

By Eddie_Paints | 0

#907321 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

Did you enjoy Hannah Montana anyway??

gohabs21 | 0

#907391 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:53

lul

paperisuseful | 0

#907396 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:54

lmao

mymuse | 0

#910305 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 7:39

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! best comment ever

By Eggvader | 0

#907330 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:31

a concert free humping. you know some people have to pay to get hump. unless the concert was sucky I don't see an FML here.

gotpromise | 0

#907405 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:59

If she had to pay to be humped by an old man, a refund is necessary.

tristan1001 | 0

#907412 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:02

agreed

perdix | 29

#907543 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:33

1. Wink at older man.
2. Complain that you are short on cash.
3. "Accidentally" bump the boner a few times.
4. Wink again.
5. Hike skirt
6. ?????
7. Profit!

gtridr | 1

#907853 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 17:05

omg perdix yet again ... epic fuckin win

Wooddaver | 0

#908353 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:01

SUPRISE BUTTSECKS for profit???

Wolfwood187 | 0

#920810 - Sunday 7 March 2010 7:08

lol

By sleekRelease | 0

#907360 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

I've seen something very similar before here.

By werewolflover4ev | 0

#907383 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:51

#15 hell yea!!! ;D that is sooooooo messed up! ewwwww. like, eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww.

By gecko13 | 0

#907404 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:58

if you didn't move or hit him in the nutts, ydi!

ktbird | 0

#907514 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:11

Agreed just because you're short doesn't mean you can't stand up for yourself.

adrianna4ever | 0

#909447 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 2:41

why do people keep sayin that no one deserves to be sexually harrassed and she probably did dobsomething to him. duuhh

By KyleSays1 | 0

#907411 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:01

eww what a creep