Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/6/2019 00:17

Today, after I got pregnant 22 years ago and my husband became way too overprotective to the point where he became a right pain in the ass, I’m now accidentally pregnant again. It turns out my now 22-year-old son is almost as bad as his dad was. Now I’ve got two of the sods to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1470

You deserved it

502

Tweet

Share

All for nothing

Breaking Badly

This is fine

By Anon - 1/4/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33048

You deserved it

3560

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/5/2019 11:47

Today, I found out that my new roommate is dating my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

106

Tweet

Share

By rejected - 13/4/2012 05:09 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44100

You deserved it

8872

Tweet

Share

By ohno - 10/3/2010 11:05 - United States

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15254

You deserved it

29444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/6/2016 21:29 - United States - Westfield

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15948

You deserved it

974

Tweet

Share

By kp - 31/8/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30011

You deserved it

4466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2009 09:13 - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42057

You deserved it

7760

Tweet

Share

By InsomniacToBe - 19/7/2012 15:55 - United States - Saint George

Today, I had a dream that my ex-boyfriend had become a vicious serial killer and was hunting me down because I broke up with him. I don't know what scares me more: the way he hunted me in my sleep, or the fact that it wouldn't surprise me if it actually happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26878

You deserved it

3803

Tweet

Share

By bunyipp - 23/9/2017 04:00 - Australia - Macquarie Park

Today, I was at work and a lady came in with a cake - I work as a nurse in a pediatrics ward. While we were eating the cake, she told us she used her breast milk instead of normal milk. Now all of us nurses have to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5389

You deserved it

428

Tweet

Share

By Just..why - 25/3/2019 14:00

Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2268

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By edulover - 1/1/2011 01:16 - United States

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30618

You deserved it

6376

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2015 16:58 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40548

You deserved it

3639

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 16:47 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18144

You deserved it

5468

Tweet

Share

By fuck you, dad - 8/2/2014 20:54 - United States - Bellflower

Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35710

You deserved it

18511

Tweet

Share

By nomorecookies - 6/8/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34514

You deserved it

3800

Tweet

Share

By stranded - 19/5/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34745

You deserved it

15915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37069

You deserved it

2550

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/1/2015 09:46 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29170

You deserved it

7704

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 9/8/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72964

You deserved it

3383

Tweet

Share

By Jen - 1/12/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14678

You deserved it

33445

Tweet

Share

By bun593 - 27/2/2010 01:52 - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25161

You deserved it

16158

Tweet

Share

By APoorGuy - 15/3/2016 12:08 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18521

You deserved it

1905

Tweet

Share

By roofer - 31/7/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54399

You deserved it

2589

Tweet

Share

By youwouldbeacat - 28/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17714

You deserved it

53388

Tweet

Share

By stillhurting - 5/1/2014 21:45 - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56544

You deserved it

7506

Tweet

Share

By Good morning to you all - 20/6/2018 20:30

Today, since my dad decided he's tired of not being completely comfortable in his own home, he now wears only a knee-length robe without underwear so he can "really enjoy the breeze". I've seen more balls in a few days than a pro baseball player does his entire career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3702

You deserved it

347

Tweet

Share

By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59466

You deserved it

6011

Tweet

Share

By lovehim - 25/1/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend to stop inviting his mother on our dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43001

You deserved it

5269

Tweet

Share

By ohmygosh - 21/7/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16595

You deserved it

48554

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2014 20:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47824

You deserved it

7999

Tweet

Share

By VerbalDiarrhea - 8/1/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39889

You deserved it

12004

Tweet

Share

By jeremyr5678 - 18/7/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11526

You deserved it

4474

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/6/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43300

You deserved it

2860

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/3/2020 06:01

Gentrification strikes !

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1254

You deserved it

211

Tweet

Share

By Derp McShitstain - 16/9/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28602

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By limegreenpoopie - 6/9/2016 13:38 - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13403

You deserved it

1471

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/9/2009 15:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds passive aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16305

You deserved it

48461

Tweet

Share

By PissyPuss - 10/12/2015 21:38 - United States

Today, the bladder infection I thought I was over flared up at work, causing me to piss myself, despite having gone twice in the previous hour. I still had to finish my shift, soaked pants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23753

You deserved it

1835

Tweet

Share

By campus pussy - 22/3/2014 21:08 - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42942

You deserved it

11397

Tweet

Share

By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38157

You deserved it

13085

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7814790 - Monday 24 June 2019 1:12

Try not to take it the wrong way it's genetics some men have a very strong instinct to protect pregnant women.

By TheCrazedHare | 7

#7814793 - Monday 24 June 2019 1:19

look, I've seen it before. but you really need to put your foot down about it. Have them stop completely? no but you guys need to find a middle ground.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7814781 - Monday 24 June 2019 0:37

Maybe third time’s a charm?

This time, be an engaged parent and raise this kid right.

Reply

JuliaKay14 | 31

#7815322 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 16:40

Do you think parents are failures if their kids have negative traits?

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7815324 - Tuesday 25 June 2019 16:43

For some traits, I do.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7814790 - Monday 24 June 2019 1:12

Try not to take it the wrong way it's genetics some men have a very strong instinct to protect pregnant women.

Reply

EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7814804 - Monday 24 June 2019 2:27

things they'd complain about if they didn't have it.

By TheCrazedHare | 7

#7814793 - Monday 24 June 2019 1:19

look, I've seen it before. but you really need to put your foot down about it. Have them stop completely? no but you guys need to find a middle ground.

By TomeDr | 21

#7814812 - Monday 24 June 2019 3:22

That’s actually really sweet!

By lowshadows | 21

#7814815 - Monday 24 June 2019 3:34

am I reading this right?

By tounces7 | 27

#7814816 - Monday 24 June 2019 5:05

I'm trying to figure out wtf is going on here. Is she pregnant with her son?

Reply

Memnoc | 26

#7814820 - Monday 24 June 2019 5:47

22 years ago, she got pregnant and her husband became an overprotective pain in the ass. Now she's pregnant again, and her husband and her son are both being pains in the ass.
I'm assuming her 22 year old son still lives at home.

By NPDclusterBaware | 8

#7814857 - Monday 24 June 2019 8:35

Oof, does your son have a personality disorder?

By Noela Abney | 5

#7815123 - Monday 24 June 2019 23:20

I could see how that would be annoying, but that's also very sweet!