Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire, so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brother's wedding, and introduced me as "The One" to his entire family. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML
Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Ninjahiga 27
You have a cool dad
fakedsincerity 32
next time you go on a date tell him the same thing and see how he likes hearing it from his daughter. lol. at least he's happy!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (49)
Optic50 9
I think u need to bleach your brain
Tripartita 45
This is why I can't recommend parthenogenesis highly enough. The worst you have to worry about is listen to your older self talk about getting laid.
bonermonkey 31
I don't know why no one else has given this the thumbs up, it made me chuckle.
fakedsincerity 32
next time you go on a date tell him the same thing and see how he likes hearing it from his daughter. lol. at least he's happy!
Enslaved 38
Well, if the OP was born on the same year as you, she could always chant back Wine me, Dine me, 69 me, I was born in 1990. Touché right?
A07 48
I want to thumb up your comment #13 but it's at 69 and doesn't really require another one
epicx22 22
Hey, at least you can tell he's a chill guy. Pops has to have fun too right? ;)
xSavaqee 12
I literally laughed out loud.
LilMissCanadian 22
Still a better love story than twilight
Luxray24 13
And better than Fifty Shades of Grey
rvontr88 21
The South shall rise again!!! Get it? hahaha
NineeCat 32
Nope!
itscomplicated15 6
Is that a joke about his dick getting hard? If it was... I laughed. If it wasn't... I laughed anyways lol
darshini_ii 24
scarred for life.
talking_toilet 19
Your dad is a legend
rogerover 19
Old guys like sex too