Today, my dad got dressed up in formal clothes, and I asked what the occasion was. He said he had a hot date, which would've been fine if he hadn't told me what was "on the menu", namely "wining, dining, sixty-nining". Thanks for that image. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I don't know very well. He told me to dress in formal attire, so I assumed he was taking me to a nice dinner. He took me to his brother's wedding, and introduced me as "The One" to his entire family. FML
Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML
Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML
Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML
Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings, and heels. When I walked out the door, my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriend's house I told him what my dad had said and he replied, "I'd have to agree with him." FML
Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
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Top comments
Ninjahiga 27
You have a cool dad
fakedsincerity 32
next time you go on a date tell him the same thing and see how he likes hearing it from his daughter. lol. at least he's happy!
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Comments (49)
worldclassrager 41
He could have given more detail...he kept it brief
Silk_Routes 14
Daddy cool should actually keep some boundaries talking to U Op...at least he is enjoying
bonermonkey 31
that's proper embarrassing dad humour xD funny though!
PraparAnis 19
There should be a "dads" category on FML.
jonomc 12
Yep because parents don't have sex. Your birth was a miracle. BTW wine, dine, 69 is the line from a song.
Balaj_fml 14
Wining, dining, and sixty-nining.
Thundaar25 11
and a good time was had by all!! lol
GrumpyGrinch 23
Would only be FYL if his date was half your age, otherwise wish them luck.
Headcrab 29
Real men eat out!
mneill 6
That's totally why parents have kids: to make inappropriate sexual comments and completely embarras them. Our parents did it to them. Our grandparents did it to our parents. And one day, young padawan, you will do it to your kids. It's the circle of life. Just like how you got here.