The Guru

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 23:13

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 307

Fête Nationale: Fireworks and Faux Pas
Celebrate the nation with stories where it's not just fireworks that sparkle! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Not you

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 07:59

Today, I saw that the man who got me pregnant, and swore that if I kept it he'd run away to Asia, and his new girlfriend announced their pregnancy on social media. They both seem to be very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 229

We had a deal

By Tea biscuit Dunka - 27/07/2022 04:00

Today, it appears that when in high school I made one of those "If we're unmarried at 35, we should marry each other" deals. Well, this afternoon she turned up at my house. I'm not married, but I have a pregnant girlfriend. She claimed a girlfriend doesn't count so our promise is still binding. And yes, she had the crazy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 216

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 111

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 988

You deserved it 6 740

Cryptic reaction

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:01

Today, I found out I’m pregnant with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year. When I told him, he got down on one knee, cuddled my abdomen and said, "Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 200

Something about fish and cats

By ImaDbag - 12/05/2023 10:00

Today, I finally met my dream woman: a smokin’ hot green-eyed petite redhead. Or so I thought. I met her online and “she” turned out to be a 22 year-old guy trolling me. The worst part is that I separated from my wife for this girl. She won’t take me back no matter how much I beg and plead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 4 135

It's not a phase!

By Dumped - 24/04/2021 20:08

Today, my 36 year-old husband decided that I’m not his soulmate and he made a mistake marrying me. Why? Because he believes that the 19 year-old girl he met on his video game online thing is instead, and they’re "meant to be." We’ve been married for 5 years and had our second child a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 104

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 1 001

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 216

You deserved it 3 908

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, my baby-crazy mother expressed her concerns that I haven't conceived after a whole two months of marriage. Her advice amounted to "get divorced while you're still hot, sleep around until you get pregnant, then marry the winner." When I complained to my father, he supported her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 404

You deserved it 3 178

Roxy Rousseau 11

Tuesday 24 March 2020 23:53

Wait until the baby comes. Post divorce I’ll bet good money that OP will be the happier one!

Naird 2

Wednesday 25 March 2020 0:37

Why do you think he really left? Can not be only the guru's stupid advice.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 24 March 2020 23:36

That's the best investment of £29.99 I've ever seen! Do you have the guru's contact info? Oh, yeah, sorry for your loss. That sucks.

Roxy Rousseau 11

Tuesday 24 March 2020 23:53

Wait until the baby comes. Post divorce I’ll bet good money that OP will be the happier one!

Naird 2

Wednesday 25 March 2020 0:37

Why do you think he really left? Can not be only the guru's stupid advice.

Iamthebanzai22 21

Wednesday 25 March 2020 5:48

Can I have your husband's email address please? I need to find out how to seduce 19 y/o redheads...

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 25 March 2020 7:15

I want the guru's address!

bobsanction 18

Wednesday 25 March 2020 6:51

So clearly you were standing in the way of his happiness.

WistayShlaio82 13

Monday 30 March 2020 2:41

And it only cost you 30$ and several wasted years of your life

sickerthanyou 13

Monday 30 March 2020 6:53

In all fairness I’d be super happy with a hot 19 years old red head too!

GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14

Friday 3 April 2020 10:16

That poor 19 years old redhead though.... She's the one who's gonna need help soon

GalaxyGirl1123_fml 14

Friday 3 April 2020 10:18

Was he really still making you happy at that point? Maybe it's your time to find someone better ;)

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Students Exams Education Work Health Miscellaneous Love Jealousy Wanker Cute Family Intimacy Lonely Sex Jewelry Video games Geek Gamers Awkward Morning Embarrassing Sports Stuck Confused Fight Transportation Cars Money Capitalism

The Top

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 086

You deserved it 1 694

Today, I had a long talk with my now ex-boyfriend. I explained why I'm not comfortable with him bringing up his new female coworker multiple times a day, talking with her about their kinks and fetishes, or possibly being around her outside of work. We've been together for nine years. He's only known her for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I found out that I'm just one of the millions who got scammed by what seemed to be a legit website. None of the negative reviews or bugs appeared until after I spent a fortune of someone else’s money on a server that will never arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 579

Today, I found a necklace that my parents had made for me. While looking at it, I realized my parents had spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 152

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 169

You deserved it 1 086

Today, while my man raves about that one time he went hiking with his brother, without even a sleeping bag, spending the night under piles of dry leaves, now that we are looking for a small camper van, he insists it must have a toilet, kitchen, and indoor shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 161

Today, I was admiring my nice clean windows. Our window cleaners have to abseil down my apartment building to get it done, so they don't come often, as it's a big job. I was enjoying the sparkling view, until a seagull shat right across my window. Guess I'm looking at that for months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 107

Today, I had to work late. I missed the last bus so I called a cab. That was 3 hours ago. I called my dad for a ride. That was 2 hours ago. I guess I'm sleeping under my desk tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 2 781

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments