Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML
I agree, your life sucks 564
You deserved it 925

Same thing different taste

Top comments

YDI if you never had that conversation with her before marrying her. FYL if she suddenly changed her mind.

Vesi 29

Having already threatened divorce, call her bluff. You do not want kids and there is nothing wrong with that. She now wants kids and there is nothing wrong with that, either. But if you two are not going to agree, then walk and let her find a guy that will give her all the kids she wants and you remain free to find another lady who prefers to remain childless. I am very curious if you two agreed on no kids from the beginning? If she's approaching her 40's, I can't say I'm surprised. A lot of people start looking at middle age and change their minds about kids. Good luck, friend and do not let her bulldoze you into something you do not want.

Comments

lalalaila777 24

communicating what you both think is the perfect life moving forward would be useful, not everyone can do the same shit everyday for forever. if she wants more than your dream life, is she worth the change? Good luck to you both!

Vesi 29

Having already threatened divorce, call her bluff. You do not want kids and there is nothing wrong with that. She now wants kids and there is nothing wrong with that, either. But if you two are not going to agree, then walk and let her find a guy that will give her all the kids she wants and you remain free to find another lady who prefers to remain childless. I am very curious if you two agreed on no kids from the beginning? If she's approaching her 40's, I can't say I'm surprised. A lot of people start looking at middle age and change their minds about kids. Good luck, friend and do not let her bulldoze you into something you do not want.

YDI if you never had that conversation with her before marrying her. FYL if she suddenly changed her mind.

If now she's talking to you about it, she probably hinted at it for two years, and thought about it for two more.

As I understand it, your concerns aren't so much about having a child but more about the responsibilities, time constraints, and potential discomfort it might bring. If this is the case, perhaps you could come to an agreement where ALL THE TEDIOUS TASKS ARE HANDLED BY HER (feeding, diaper changes, dressing, putting to bed), and you sleep separately while the child is sleeping with her. You would only need to step in WHEN YOU WANT IT (you will want). Your primary focus would be on finances, sometimes walks, and sharing in activities. If things proceed in this manner, your life might not change significantly; it could become even brighter and more fulfilling (she got bored with you after so many years, she needs someone else, so a baby is the solution).

Having all the tedious tasks handled by one person would just be worse. If the wife ever got sick or was otherwise unable to do them they'd be screwed; it could very easily lead to resentment from the wife that she has to do 100% of the work; OP might not even think the "fun" tasks are fun in the first place; children are a massive burden on a household regardless of who does the tedious tasks...

this is absolutely not a solution. do not encourage him to stay just to be a shitty absent father. that's going to lead to an exhausted, constantly pissy wife and a traumatized child wondering what's wrong with them that daddy can't love them

A self centered life is not very interesting. Children give a new meaning to life and creates moments that are unique. Yes it is not easy everyday (but what is?) and you both have to be part of it, sharing all the tasks.

Different strokes and all that. A "self centered life", as you call it, sounds perfect to me. Never liked children, never will. I have nieces and nephews and that did not change my mind in the least, rather the opposite.

Why would he want to ruin a good thing and have kids? Even you say it’s difficult. It is not selfish to not want kids, breeders will always act with a sense of smug superiority as if they are better than child free and selfless, your not special, you are not better than anyone for having kids, you are not better than op or can judge him as selfish cause he doesn’t want children, here is a shocker for you not everyone wants to have kids, be round them and are very happy with that choice, they don’t feel they are missing out their lives are just as much if not more fulfilled. People like you are insufferable because you look down on child free people.

Ditch the wife why ruin what you have cause she is fearing her bioclock, there is nothing wrong with being child free, your not adding to over population, your not creating more carbon footprints the child free life is selfless and meaningful.