Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked, "Who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door, "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, I was in a store parking lot when I got a text from an unknown number saying, "I see you, I know what you did last summer, you wicked little shit." I freaked out and looked around in a panic. It turns out that it was my "hilarious" dad testing his new phone from across the parking lot. FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, I got woken up by a text from an unknown number at 3 am saying, "haha I found your number." I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. After hours of trying to fall asleep, my drowsiness was disturbed by another text from the same person saying, "Sorry, wrong number." FML
Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML
Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML
Today, I crawled into bed at 2 in the morning. At 6 am, the telephone rang, waking me up. It was a wrong number. FML
Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML
Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML
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Top comments
sxm 13
Go to bed earlier next time!
massinator5 4
My dad texts me when I'm talking to people on the computer, saying go to sleep, I'm 19 haha
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Comments (66)
DocBastard 40
Damn you for ruining the punch line with your username! Don't know you know ANYTHING about comedy?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm glad I don't look at the usernames before I read the stories!
zeon492 13
Op could of used deep throat
wobbley 9
At least he has a sense of humor :)
iSativa 24
And the Dad of the Year award goes to?.. YO DADDY. In all honesty though, your dad sounds cool as ever.
katnissmellark_fml 15
sounds like my mom....
catchmenow1 21
Ha, that's weird but kinda funny as well.
simoncat 11
Ew. That us do wrong on so many Levels. It makes my skin crawl.
Caitie_kid 8
What?? Playing a funny prank to try and scare your kid and telling them to go bed is somehow disgusting and "wrong on so many levels"??? Sounds like a parent having fun being a parent.
simoncat 11
Ew. That us do wrong on so many Levels. It makes my skin crawl.
worldclassrager 41
Well got that figured out...now you'll know who it is in the future if this happens again...
jw90 18
Hello Clarice. It's time to go to sleep now so I can kill you.
SarMarJo 17
My mom tried this when I was 15! Ha. Except she actually woke me up when she called. -_-