Love, Health and Intimacy: Size Queen

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 247

You deserved it 14 867

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Same thing different taste

Malding

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 301

You deserved it 2 434

By quirrus - 07/05/2012 09:42 - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 049

You deserved it 9 816

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 334

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 890

You deserved it 58 053

By bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 246

You deserved it 4 984

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 851

You deserved it 11 965

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 267

You deserved it 29 218

By Anonymous - 12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 4 675

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 135

You deserved it 14 881

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 651

You deserved it 60 062

stevenmx86 7

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:01

Lol use miracle grow

crymore007 11

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:02

do you shave? she mightve thought it was a chia pet

Comments

revenioDK 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:08

lol, my GF would do something like that to me for fun. Dont see the FML in this...

bubblekitty 1

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:08

She needs to make a wish. She needs a gold fish and a genie.

Riddles66 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ryankon518 3

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:09

Ahahahahaha what a keeper!

mrahhhhh 21

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:09

You should water her boobs and say that you're trying to grow some bigger melons.

babyydolly 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:17

how do you know her boobs aren't big?

mrahhhhh 21

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:24

It doesn't matter if they're big or not. As long as he implies they're small, she'll believe it. Like with watering his penis (people are funny that way).

cymruambyth 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:09

lol. she just completely owned you with that!

clemcool_fml 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:12

and then you both dissolved into giggles and kept fooling around right? oh no, wait, you posted an FML. geez, trying growing a sense of humor instead.