Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML
Today, I spent my day creating a new type of laugh, and performing it in my head. FML
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML
Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML
Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML
Today, I was talking to my crush when I laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I tried to play it cool by saying, "I do that on purpose sometimes." Now he probably thinks I fake-snort for fun. FML
Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
I know how you feel! It's the same thing that happens to me when I try to use a garbage bag as a condom;)
SkoomaKi 28
I can just tell you're a nosey person! :D Shoot me now, it's for the best.
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Comments (126)
perdix 31
I know how you feel! It's the same thing that happens to me when I try to use a garbage bag as a condom;)
PrincessPesa 20
Perdix, when you're good... you're really good. And ouch, apparently painful! Try not to kill anyone with that thing and I'll stop trying to knock over pedestrians with my **** whenever I turn.
RedPillSucks 33
oh snap!
skyeyez9 25
Looks like a cheese wheel
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I knock over cars with my **** :D Needless to say, I have a lot of lawsuits on my hands/****.
perdix 31
#32. I'm careful. An ah-oo-gah horn goes off every time a pretty girl comes into view and the launch sequence begins;) Btw, 69th!!!
klikin 2
Please don't stop doing whatever you just said cause boobs
KiddNYC1O 22
God, I'm hard.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
89- what? 92- Really? I'm easy! Wait. That didn't come out right. .. Damn it, neither did that! DAMN YOU, DIRTY MIND.
KiddNYC1O 22
93- Giggity.
ScaryCookie 0
You put on condoms in front of friends and family..?
PrincessPesa 20
Be proud of your prominent shnozz. Maybe someone somewhere will be in dire need of a Barbra Streisand impersonator. Or the K-9 unit at the local police station might call on you for extra help sniffing out a suspect! You never know. Honk Honk!
duckiegirl21 10
Did anyone else read that last part in Skeeter's voice?
IndianGiver 8
I wanna see proof.
nofearjenshere 12
Pics or it didn't happen.
MigraineurOfLife 15
Cheer up... Everyone nose it's snot that bad.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh god, the nose puns are coming. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
MigraineurOfLife 15
Snot true... So snot true!
mvems 13
Nostril
reddudeover 2
Rhino right?
greenorange75 8
*cough* *cough* jew *cough* *cough*
THE_A_TEEN 28
*Cough *Cough *Hack *Stereotyping Asshole *Cough *Cough
SarahBearrra 4
Oh come on pinnocio, you really gotta cut back on lying so much..
KVKdragon 26
Don't let anyone get to you about a physical feature you were born with. Just ignore them and move on. Be silently proud of your big nose ;)
Pandacupcakelove 26
That's awful :( I'm so sorry!
Demonfish 14
You have something against large noses? :/
Pandacupcakelove 26
Nah, I have one myself :)
RedPillSucks 33
Your girlfriend must love when you go down on her