Love, Intimacy, Health and Awkward: Bad timing - FML

Bad timing

By Mel - 10/11/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, I'm in the same city as my boyfriend for the first time in two months. My body apparently did not like the idea of me having sex again, as I promptly got a UTI and then the week-long breakthrough bleeding that antibiotics often cause me. The same thing happened the week before he had to move, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 184

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By so much for romance - 11/01/2015 03:21 - United States - Queensbury

Spicy

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 695

You deserved it 4 760

The Rupture

By oofouchmyvagooter - 06/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 569

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 21:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Spicy

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 959

You deserved it 499

Perfect timing...

By modprobs - 03/08/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in months because we live in different countries, is coming to stay with me. I've been the picture of health for months, but today I woke up with my period, a terrible cold, and tooth pain from that root canal my dentist told me I didn't need a few years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 744

You deserved it 308

By booboo300 - 29/04/2019 00:00

Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 2 426

By ahhh - 03/08/2015 06:06 - United States - Northbrook

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 989

You deserved it 7 359

Spice it up

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, a few days after I let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life and we used melted chocolate, I've now got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life, so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 2 460

FML Uncensored

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 06:00

Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 620

You deserved it 885

By Darth Spasticus - 14/11/2015 09:12 - United States - Flower Mound

Today, my boyfriend was diagnosed with a UTI. He thought men can only get UTIs by "catching" them from a woman, so he blamed me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 697

You deserved it 1 769

By Rrae - 25/02/2019 02:00

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 247

You deserved it 268

Next

Top comments

1known 30

Wednesday 10 November 2021 8:38

Is your body trying to tell you something?

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 10 November 2021 8:42

I'm sure he'll settle for ********. That's when you know you've found a keeper!

Comments

1known 30

Wednesday 10 November 2021 8:38

Is your body trying to tell you something?

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 10 November 2021 8:42

I'm sure he'll settle for ********. That's when you know you've found a keeper!

Neage 0

Wednesday 17 November 2021 16:48

lol bro how are you guys still together

Keywords

Delivery Miscellaneous Amazon Anxiety Work Job interview Awkward Sleep Poopoo peepee Dogs Animals Dating Love Health Scary Transportation Spiders Kids Parents Drunk Ironic Relatable Underwear Pokémon Parenting Medication Mental health School Memories Annoying

The Top

Today, I tried to be eco-friendly by bringing my own reusable coffee cup to the café. As I handed it over, the barista said, "Sorry, we can’t use that. It’s company policy." Guess who just looked like an overzealous hipster… FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 358

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must've been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 040

You deserved it 13 945

The Top

Today, I found out my ex is getting married. She only left me 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 114

Today, I put on a shirt that said, "Skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "Since when?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 139

You deserved it 30 514

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 485

You deserved it 2 977

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 129

You deserved it 3 199

Today, my boyfriend's freshly-repainted car got keyed. He's literally more of an inconsolable wreck now than he was when his own mother passed away last year. When I tried hinting that he was overreacting, he told me to go to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 9 524

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 038

You deserved it 287 509