Intimacy, Sex, Awkward Cute Sex talk - FML

Sex talk

Baby - 26/01/2017 08:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was having sex with an ex when he whispered in my ear, "Who's my baby?" I, being very bad at dirty talk, said, "You." FML

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Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

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unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

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Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

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say my name - 01/07/2012 01:35

Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML

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Anonymous - 29/12/2014 02:49 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

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U wot m8?

Anonymous - 23/10/2023 11:00 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, my now ex-boyfriend said to me, “Who’s your daddy?” during the deed and it was so off-putting, I said my dad's actual name. FML

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Anonymous - 27/02/2015 19:37 - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

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Repetition

Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

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Freud intensifies

Anonymous - 08/07/2021 22:01

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML

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Excuuuuuuse me?

Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

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PennyLane27 32

Thursday 26 January 2017 15:21

Doesn't matter. Had sex.

Justkidding100 41

Thursday 26 January 2017 20:13

That's like asking a dog "who's a good boy?" And having him suddenly bark "you are" ??

edmunson 22

Sunday 29 January 2017 6:46

Agree with the "Ex means NO sex" crowd. Just sayin'

LevelupKid 8

Tuesday 7 February 2017 14:11

you deserved it at "sex with an ex".

TooManyProblems 13

Tuesday 31 October 2017 18:46

Why are you all hating on the fact that she had sex with an ex? It's her sex life, what's the difference as a FWB or a one night stand. They could be on good terms and be over each other but still be physically attracted to one another.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my 5 year old-son walked into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That's Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I've been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

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Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

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Today, after years of doctors appointments, scans, behavioural assessments, educational assessments, and thousands of pounds in medical costs, we’ve had to accept that our son doesn’t have a learning disability, psychological problems, autism, or ADHD, he just has the personality of an arsehole. FML

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Today, I went to a movie and a dinner with a girl. During dinner, she excused herself to go to the bathroom, so I checked my social media feeds while waiting for her to return. She'd posted on her Twitter "Worst. Ever." I thought it was going well. FML

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Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

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