Work: Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document....

By I'mnotsmarttheothersarestupid - Austria - Vienna

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

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Work

Understandable

Vulture

Season finale

By Anonymous - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I went to college, where I'm studying for my dream job. Despite getting up at 5am to catch the earliest bus into town, I arrived ten minutes late. My professor knows my circumstances, but is still threatening to kick me off the course if I don't "arrive on time like everyone else." FML

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By NoRunning - United States

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

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By Damn

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2020 14:02

Awkward

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

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By notsexy - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

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By severely late.... again!

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

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By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

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By Anonymous

Underestimated overachiever

Today, I told my cousin I was admitted to a top MBA program. He asked if it was an online-only certificate program. FML

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By shoveless - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

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By Anne - United States

Today, I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser. Thinking it was a Valentine's gift, I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog died since I was away. FML

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By Jerf - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

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By Icey_dan1 - France

Today, I tried to jump between the train doors to make it in on time. And missed. FML

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By - Australia - Frankston

Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

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By MaySheRestinPeace

With friends like these…

Today, a friend asked me to cover his shift at work because his grandmother died. Like any decent friend, I obliged. Later, after leaving, I walked by a bar and saw him inside, laughing and doing shots with all of our friends. FML

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By Master's_degree_in_failure - 17/10/2020 22:30

The ole answer/forward conundrum

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

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325

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By ThankYou! - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

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By Gioia - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

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By Toaster - United States

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

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By trice - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

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By Ex-Employee - United States

Today, my boss fired me for causing a "commotion" at work while running the vacuum. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, someone flirted with me. They kept touching me, insisting we should go out sometime, and hounding me for my number. At a family-only memorial service. FML

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By can't sleep - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

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By porkers gonna pork :\ - Australia - Elsternwick

And I oop

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

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By budapesthungary - United States

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rochester

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

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By Chris - Canada

Today, I was riding the bus home from college. I was standing in the aisle and there was a rather cute girl sitting next to me. The bus came to an abrupt stop, I tripped, and fell into her lap. She shrieked, "Eww! Get off me!" and shove me onto the floor of the bus. Nice to know I'm revolting. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2021 11:01 - United States - New Haven

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

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By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Loveland

Today, during my family's traditional 4th of July weekend celebration, my water broke. I kept trying to tell them and asked them to take me to the hospital, but they couldn't hear me over the fireworks. They all just kept smiling and nodding. FML

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By Lilypad - France - Versailles

Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

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By Clauric

Scaredy cats

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

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By djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

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By dontaskdonttell - United States

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Milan

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

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Top comments

By Misoranomegami | 16

#7397496 - Thursday 26 January 2017 20:32

Your boss's time is more valuable than yours. Simple fact of business. Make the corrections you can and if you can't figure out what they mean then schedule time for more specific feedback.

By flakawaka | 0

#7397727 - Friday 27 January 2017 7:36

If you have a game plan, capitalize on it. You could seem like a genius to him

COMMENTS

By Misoranomegami | 16

#7397496 - Thursday 26 January 2017 20:32

Your boss's time is more valuable than yours. Simple fact of business. Make the corrections you can and if you can't figure out what they mean then schedule time for more specific feedback.

By flakawaka | 0

#7397727 - Friday 27 January 2017 7:36

If you have a game plan, capitalize on it. You could seem like a genius to him