Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's...

By Halloween Fail - 1/11/2014 03:59 - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Not a cheating!

Lockdown is driving us down

By MB - 28/11/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

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By alittlepersonal - 5/10/2012 05:59 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

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By jb100 - 24/7/2015 20:08 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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By rastamerican - 7/11/2012 01:29 - United States - San Jose

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

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By Craig Thompson - 20/4/2017 21:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 19:08 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

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By jilted - 21/3/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

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By tay - 17/9/2013 15:44 - Canada - Erin

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

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By taylor w - 31/10/2014 02:32 - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I found out as we were talking, waiting for him to come outside after work. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's to get a checkup. When the nurse stuck the Otoscope into my ear to look, she was disgusted. When she pulled it out, she told me that I had an ear infection, and that she'd popped a pimple in there by mistake. FML

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By Nice Melons - 29/9/2013 21:12 - United States

Today, at work as a cashier, I was scanning cantaloupes. The man buying them then looked me straight in the eye and said, "Nice melons." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

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By lover21 - 8/5/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

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By PrettyScared - 29/7/2013 15:07 - United States - Matthews

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

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By teddyissmall - 14/4/2014 06:29 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. Everything seemed to be going well, when all of a sudden he turned to look at me with a pensive and thoughtful expression. I expected him to say something important, but instead he just said, "I was wondering, how does it feel to be fat?" FML

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By BK2017 - 29/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

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By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Practical

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 17:35 - United States - Winter Springs

Today, I finally realized that when my seemingly very judgmental fiancé makes negative comments about other women, it's actually just an excuse to keep ogling them. FML

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By Martin - 8/9/2020 23:01 - Switzerland

Extreme late fees

Today, I had an appointment to pull some wisdom teeth. I wrote the wrong time in my calendar. Showed up an hour late and they didn't pull the one tooth that actually hurts. Now I've got the pay for the time I was late, plus wait until November to pull the rest. I waited 5 months for this appointment due to the coronavirus. FML

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By cheerymama - 23/1/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2016 18:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my toddler son walked up to my older daughter and kissed her chest, then said, "I kissed the boob." I have no idea where he learned that word. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

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By bummed out step monster - 24/6/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

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By LadyDeadpool88 - 4/2/2014 14:50 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

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By buttsmcgee - 22/11/2016 07:05 - United States - Roseburg

Today, we finally got paperwork saying we were approved for a loan to buy a house! The only problem? It's not eligible for the county we live in. FML

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By NeedANewWindshield - 24/8/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

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By cantstoplaughing - 6/10/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Congleton

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house at 9am to surprise him on our 1 year anniversary. In the process, I gatecrashed another celebration he was having with his second girlfriend. FML

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By chicoallen - 31/8/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

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By a chick in California - 14/6/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

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By mad dude - 12/1/2011 07:46

Today, I realized I'm pussy whipped by a chick I'm not even dating. FML

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By cam96 - 15/10/2017 13:00

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

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By rufusthepenis - 2/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

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By rink.attendant.6 - 21/6/2012 15:40 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

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By Eliza - 4/4/2012 03:40 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

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Top comments

By gracehi | 31

#6106376 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:28

At least you weren't mistaken for Swiss cheese. You'd have been eaten.

By allie2590 | 30

#6106379 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:30

At least the misunderstanding was cleared up before you actually became a ghost. Holy sheet!

COMMENTS

By gracehi | 31

#6106376 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:28

At least you weren't mistaken for Swiss cheese. You'd have been eaten.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6106886 - Saturday 1 November 2014 22:16

If they had gunned him down he might've looked like Swiss cheese in the end...

typical_girl_ | 19

#6107111 - Sunday 2 November 2014 2:13

That was cheesy

By allie2590 | 30

#6106379 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:30

At least the misunderstanding was cleared up before you actually became a ghost. Holy sheet!

wanted_2_want | 40

#6106516 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:46

Plot twist: OP is black, while his friends are whites.

By sarah5745 | 41

#6106384 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:31

Oh well, at least there's another year to perfect your costume..

sayyestothedress | 24

#6106553 - Saturday 1 November 2014 15:49

And a whole year's worth of plotting to get revenge on the people who beat OP up!

By lovelyvampire | 16

#6106386 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:31

I am curious now as to where in America you live.

meli1195 | 31

#6106417 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:57

it says Illinois...

drmisin | 5

#6106440 - Saturday 1 November 2014 12:45

Not on my phone.

lovelyvampire | 16

#6106492 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:00

my phone only says the united states

garrett_8614 | 14

#6106781 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:53

It says Illinois. Let's just hope is wasn't Chicago

By DestinyNiya | 33

#6106390 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:32

At least you're actually still alive.

By prettyinpinkxoxo | 9

#6106392 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:33

Whether or not the sheet on the top of your head was pointy or not your going to need to be more observant of your costume choice...

Thorzix | 23

#6106408 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:45

Not really people just need to stop seeing racism where there isn't any. Society nowadays is offended by the slightest thing, smh.

sjbartholome | 14

#6106503 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:16

I agree that the racism sensitivity meter is high with a lot of people but racism still exists today!

By nooniebird | 8

#6106395 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:34

That sucks. Hope you're feeling okkk.

By tony1891 | 22

#6106398 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:35

good grief Charlie brown.

By Flowtastic | 16

#6106409 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:46

YDI for having a coned head

Morning_fml | 22

#6106676 - Saturday 1 November 2014 18:36

White bed sheets don't have coned-heads, #10.

Flowtastic | 16

#6107050 - Sunday 2 November 2014 1:04

No but the OP seems to

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6107297 - Sunday 2 November 2014 6:34

Or the people who beat op up were just stupid over sensitive assholes

By RA91 | 26

#6106419 - Saturday 1 November 2014 12:08

That sucks..I would have stuck with just straight up Charlie Brown.