Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's...

By Halloween Fail - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

Buyer's market

By Noname - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

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By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

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By 20singleandproudish - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my younger brother helpfully pointed out that I'm the only one in my family of five who is single. He's twelve. FML

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By Soap0015 - United States

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

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By Mug - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my family threw me a surprise party for my 29th Birthday. My brother-in-law sent me a text telling me they were all waiting for me to arrive. Thinking it was at my sister's home, I drove two hours there. It was actually at my parents' house. I missed my party and they ate my cake. FML

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By meohmy - United States

Today, my boyfriend referred me to me as "just a friend" to his ex. They swapped phone numbers. FML

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By Johna Richardson

Today, after my boyfriend ignored me for hours playing video games, he gave me some attention for a little bit. When I tried to run my fingers through his hair, I missed and punched him in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

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By Manly Sneeze

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

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By Mogg - Australia

Move!

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

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By Pissed.Off.Mom. - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

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By Talented73 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went to a local Asian restaurant where this adorable Japanese girl works as a server. We had formed a friendship and I was hoping for something more, but I decided to play "hard-to-get" for the last couple of weeks. When I went there today, the place was closed. Permanently. FML

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By fiat850 - 9/5/2020 17:00

Messy

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I purchased a cactus in a cute little pot and put it on my windowsill so it could get sun. Unfortunately, that's also where I have my alarm clock. Guess which one I grabbed in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

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By ItaliczZz - Australia

Today, I left my window open while practicing the saxophone. My drunk neighbours showed their appreciation for the music with a well-aimed firecracker that set my mattress on fire. My landlord has threatened to evict me as she thinks I set it off. FML

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By SakuraBreeze - United States

Today, I was working at my new job at a food court on campus. One of the supervisors came up to my station and told me that I "really look like someone who, through some miracle, accidentally found their way into college." He then threw a pickle at me. FML

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By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfax

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

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By marenthehollow - United States - American Fork

Today, I got yelled at by a customer for saving them money. FML

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By SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

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By inder - United Kingdom

Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML

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By immunizations - Canada

Today, while parking my car, I accidentally bumped into the car in front of me, making a small, barely noticeable dent. I felt bad, wrote an apology note, and stuck it on his windshield. An hour later, he replied by keying the entire right side of my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

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By Relevance - United States

Today, my husband fell for an online scam leaving us 1450.00 in the negative. We get paid tomorrow and most of our money is going to cover that debt. FML

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By Confusedfiance

Today, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying she found my fiancé's tinder profile. I told her there was no way it was true. It actually was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my dog alone in the house for ten minutes while I took a shower. When I got out I found a mess of dust all over the floor and her ripping up a package that was supposed to be sent to my aunt. It contained my grandmother's ashes. FML

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By TheLastSerenade - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

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By Depressed - Sudan

Great deal

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

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By Tor - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey mask and I call him Jason. He just confessed it isn't really a fetish for him and that was just fucking with me. He's already told all his friends. I'm humiliated. FML

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By catsonuincorns - United States - Clovis

Today, I was in a car accident with my dad. A wheel slammed into my door, dislocating my arm and breaking it in three places. Later on, the people who hit us came over and gave my little sister a gift basket. She wasn't even in the car. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Thanks, Marley

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Olympia

Sorry

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

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By 41k312

Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML

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By lalalasmiles06

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

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Top comments

By gracehi | 31

#6106376 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:28

At least you weren't mistaken for Swiss cheese. You'd have been eaten.

By allie2590 | 30

#6106379 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:30

At least the misunderstanding was cleared up before you actually became a ghost. Holy sheet!

COMMENTS

By gracehi | 31

#6106376 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:28

At least you weren't mistaken for Swiss cheese. You'd have been eaten.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6106886 - Saturday 1 November 2014 22:16

If they had gunned him down he might've looked like Swiss cheese in the end...

typical_girl_ | 19

#6107111 - Sunday 2 November 2014 2:13

That was cheesy

By allie2590 | 30

#6106379 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:30

At least the misunderstanding was cleared up before you actually became a ghost. Holy sheet!

wanted_2_want | 40

#6106516 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:46

Plot twist: OP is black, while his friends are whites.

By sarah5745 | 41

#6106384 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:31

Oh well, at least there's another year to perfect your costume..

sayyestothedress | 24

#6106553 - Saturday 1 November 2014 15:49

And a whole year's worth of plotting to get revenge on the people who beat OP up!

By lovelyvampire | 16

#6106386 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:31

I am curious now as to where in America you live.

meli1195 | 31

#6106417 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:57

it says Illinois...

drmisin | 5

#6106440 - Saturday 1 November 2014 12:45

Not on my phone.

lovelyvampire | 16

#6106492 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:00

my phone only says the united states

garrett_8614 | 14

#6106781 - Saturday 1 November 2014 19:53

It says Illinois. Let's just hope is wasn't Chicago

By DestinyNiya | 33

#6106390 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:32

At least you're actually still alive.

By prettyinpinkxoxo | 9

#6106392 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:33

Whether or not the sheet on the top of your head was pointy or not your going to need to be more observant of your costume choice...

Thorzix | 23

#6106408 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:45

Not really people just need to stop seeing racism where there isn't any. Society nowadays is offended by the slightest thing, smh.

sjbartholome | 14

#6106503 - Saturday 1 November 2014 14:16

I agree that the racism sensitivity meter is high with a lot of people but racism still exists today!

By nooniebird | 8

#6106395 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:34

That sucks. Hope you're feeling okkk.

By tony1891 | 22

#6106398 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:35

good grief Charlie brown.

By Flowtastic | 16

#6106409 - Saturday 1 November 2014 11:46

YDI for having a coned head

Morning_fml | 22

#6106676 - Saturday 1 November 2014 18:36

White bed sheets don't have coned-heads, #10.

Flowtastic | 16

#6107050 - Sunday 2 November 2014 1:04

No but the OP seems to

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6107297 - Sunday 2 November 2014 6:34

Or the people who beat op up were just stupid over sensitive assholes

By RA91 | 26

#6106419 - Saturday 1 November 2014 12:08

That sucks..I would have stuck with just straight up Charlie Brown.