Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
buck33 14
Well I'd scream too.
dragonstrike94 8
What the he'll is wrong with her
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (469)
sickenedwinter86 0
If she does that while you're dating I'd hate to see what happens if you try to leave her... Strap in... Life is going to be a loooong ride for you. FYL
deliriousbasil 0
Haha, Noor is giving that truly shocking FML the best sense of humor possible, thanks so much for saving the day! :)
gadallah 0
Hahaha the funniest thing I ever read!!!
bizarre_ftw 22
If ever a situation qualified for Fml!!!
charliewhippet 9
Ugh. If you stay with someone like this you only have yourself to blame for any future crazy. And why would you "never live it down"? IT's NORMAL to scream when someone threatens your dick. It's not normal to hold scissors against your boyfriend's bits.
greatdanen 6
get out of there, it May be too late
BADMAMAJAMMA 3
Dump that crazy bitch
TheEpicMilkMan 13
D: dafuq is wrong with her! I would be crying too if I saw my genitals between scissor blades!
sabor_ranchero 12
I hope you meant 'ex-girlfriend'...
False_Stupidity 42
She is very sick and in a way it's a threat of what she can do to you