By Noname - United Kingdom

Not now, Kevin

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27182

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2621

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Love

Understandable

Dangling modifier

Last dates

By fmylifebad - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54035

You deserved it

12152

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By schoolkiddo - Australia

Today, my dad and his girlfriend left for a 10-day vacation. They booked an expensive beach-house. I'm an A grade student and just last month, he stopped paying my school fees because he 'couldn't afford it.' Oh, and he's making me feed the dog while he's away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35087

You deserved it

3841

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By gemtas5 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, while sorting through my clothes, I found one of my ex's old sweaters. After a lot of thought and difficulty, I threw it out. I felt empowered, until my father later rifled through my trash and claimed the sweater for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43536

You deserved it

3943

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37560

You deserved it

3327

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By NeedaNosePlug - United States

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27222

You deserved it

3197

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By oliverP123 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41368

You deserved it

4218

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By anon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28335

You deserved it

3712

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By fatlady - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9958

You deserved it

39211

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By Anonymous - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38921

You deserved it

5839

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By Username - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30996

You deserved it

16434

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By WTFiswrongwithme

Desperate times, desperate, dumb measures

Today, I was so desperate for human interaction that I asked a deaf girl in my class if she liked music. I actually signed it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1108

You deserved it

844

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By fEk - Australia

Today, I couldn't find my reading glasses, thinking perhaps i'd dropped them outside, I stepped off my deck bare foot, straight into a steaming dog turd. Only to see my glasses chewed up a few feet away. It went between my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1890

You deserved it

296

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23356

You deserved it

4806

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By Koko - Germany - Berlin

Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19708

You deserved it

1898

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!

Today, I was writing an essay while sleep-deprived. In between actually writing, I started typing my thoughts. It was only after I’d submitted the essay that I realized that I hadn’t deleted the random words. My teacher can see my early-morning rambling about potatoes. I have no way to delete it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3322

You deserved it

1494

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By -.- - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33902

You deserved it

3003

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26580

You deserved it

5756

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By "Tarun Kumar"

Her plan!

Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1892

You deserved it

982

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By DarkChild - France

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22344

You deserved it

1603

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By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34102

You deserved it

2319

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By can you read? - United States

Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25924

You deserved it

1656

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By PoorGal - United States - New Orleans

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25885

You deserved it

5753

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By anonymous

Keep fit!

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1229

You deserved it

1321

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By farmakakis - Australia

Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5635

You deserved it

56468

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By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32342

You deserved it

14754

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By eldar90 - Israel

Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30978

You deserved it

2380

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By boopingsnoot

Ready for the grill!

Today, at work, the chest freezer was accidentally turned off. I work at a vet and the freezer is our morgue. It got opened before anyone realized the contents had thawed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4931

You deserved it

302

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By vikinggirl - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43015

You deserved it

13481

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By hotelbound - United States - Florissant

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46266

You deserved it

2983

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By screwed - Canada

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45184

You deserved it

4249

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2020 23:55

Hot hot hot

Today, my AC stopped working and I have no money. I live in Phoenix, Arizona. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1445

You deserved it

137

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26862

You deserved it

6741

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By LassieToe - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26335

You deserved it

2811

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By Anonymous - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7823

You deserved it

32804

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By YouAREthefather - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45264

You deserved it

3827

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By wishbone - Canada

Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60583

You deserved it

5630

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By whirlednews - United States

Today, I'm at home sick and someone is moving into the apartment above ours. Judging by the sounds and level of noise, they seem to be opening some sort of woodworking shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21190

You deserved it

1789

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By kat9232000 - Canada

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17803

You deserved it

110309

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By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

477

You deserved it

1788

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was sitting in my room when my dad walked in to talk. He said I'm not the son he'd hoped for, and that he'd been let down as a father. He said I should change the way I am so that he could love me more. It was the longest conversation I've had with my dad in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2012

You deserved it

132

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Top comments

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#205 - Thursday 5 February 2009 2:19

were you fucking David Attenborough by any chance?

By iamireland | 1

#955060 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 22:10

The fact that he can even THINK about male-birth while having sex with you is a sign that he's a keeper.

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#205 - Thursday 5 February 2009 2:19

were you fucking David Attenborough by any chance?

naehappening | 0

#460237 - Wednesday 5 August 2009 23:12

hilarious! :D
also... i love seahorses. i might almost enjoy a chat about them mid intercourse

By maiden_girl | 5

#2339 - Sunday 15 February 2009 13:22

LOL! At least he didn't yell someone else's name... right? Haha.

claireful | 4

#2451204 - Tuesday 3 May 2011 7:39

unless he named the seahorse...

By lucidity | 0

#10380 - Monday 2 March 2009 0:01

but...that's awesome! I have those kinds of conversations with my boyfriend all the time.

By JeanNe91 | 0

#15064 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:51

haha, one time as i was having sex with a guy, we were talking about disney characters. lmao.

By j_e_m_8_8 | 0

#17765 - Friday 6 March 2009 8:23

#12..while having sex?!

By jim_witness | 0

#24731 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:45

Hmm...do you have a big nose?? were you watching the Oprah about the pregnant man?? Is his last name Costeau??

By leadninja | 0

#34158 - Monday 16 March 2009 6:08

doesnt that mean he would have to be pregnant?

By diet_cocaine | 0

#44574 - Friday 20 March 2009 7:01

well ur bf sounds like a functioning retard

By randomcharacters | 0

#78952 - Friday 3 April 2009 5:33

Ahaha a talker.. At least the sex will never be boring, it will be a welcome break from all the talking.

By apathetic | 0

#84297 - Sunday 5 April 2009 16:50

sounds like you're dating a nerd. awesome.