Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend...

By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48514

You deserved it

6089

Favorite

Love

Mother of the year

Scoville scale

Co-parenting

By smellay - 14/4/2020 23:00

Close quarters

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

You deserved it

353

Favorite

By lifedoessuck12 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42755

You deserved it

11717

Favorite

By nootnoot - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13608

You deserved it

1452

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - The Hyde

Today, I decided to put on some sexy lingerie and wait for my husband to come home to surprise him. He took one look at me and immediately accused me of cheating. He was convinced my explanation was a lie and that I'd rushed some guy out the back door when he came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36206

You deserved it

3516

Favorite

By BroadwayBaby1997 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9330

You deserved it

2542

Favorite

By Danielle22291 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, as a waitress at Denny's, I had a 25 top table. Only 3 of them spoke English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4808

You deserved it

451

Favorite

By no good deed - 23/7/2020 20:02

It's the thought that counts

Today, I was feeling pretty down due to a recent back injury, so I thought I’d do something nice to help lift my spirits. I bought some cookies for my coworkers, who ended up not wanting any, and one of them decided to ask what was wrong with my face. Oh, right, my acne rosacea is flaring too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By Bonapp - France

Today, I was invited over by my girlfriend's parents, but I couldn't bring myself to take part in their discussions. During a lull in conversation, I noticed everyone was staring at me. Covering myself while I tried to think of something to say, I grabbed an apple and took a bite. It was plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32482

You deserved it

9757

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Walker

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

I agree, your life sucks

53062

You deserved it

3560

Favorite

By LonelyGuy - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35054

You deserved it

9512

Favorite

By XxEmoWolfiexX - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24786

You deserved it

2610

Favorite

By gonnabeunemployed

Today, I got a call from the only company that asked me to come in for an interview of the many applications I submitted. I answered it even though I was at my current job. My boss heard and chewed me out. The call was to cancel the interview since the position was filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8986

You deserved it

1691

Favorite

By skywayavenue - Canada

Today, I went to my friend's house. While she went to the kitchen, I noticed a little pink pastry on her desk. It looked really good, so I decided to take a bite before she got back. As I bit into it, a sizzling noise started, and foam overflowed in my mouth. It was a bath bomb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12175

You deserved it

99388

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14239

You deserved it

1565

Favorite

By jo - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24337

You deserved it

6011

Favorite

By shtidsfpa - United States - Shelby

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27306

You deserved it

55734

Favorite

By cutup - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26433

You deserved it

6405

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Antonio

You did ask…

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23859

You deserved it

4322

Favorite

By francesa_loca - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32883

You deserved it

2498

Favorite

By sigh - United States - Charlotte

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21717

You deserved it

2509

Favorite

By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21969

You deserved it

2403

Favorite

By Kat - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57142

You deserved it

8174

Favorite

By unhappy - United States - San Anselmo

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23925

You deserved it

3934

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was sitting a full bus when a man seated himself next to me. After a few moments, he looked at me and said, "I can smell your vagina, you must be ovulating." I don't know if he was hitting on me or what but I couldn't race out of there fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3670

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By Superdumb

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1671

You deserved it

4909

Favorite

By kitkat3308 - United States

Weirdo freak

Today, I found out that my controlling, verbally abusive ex-boyfriend from nearly four years ago is still obsessed with me. Apparently, he's told everyone back home that he and I are getting married as soon as I finish college. We haven't spoken in over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48021

You deserved it

3056

Favorite

By IrNatalie - United States - Laveen

Today, a customer yelled at me because the cherry pie he bought had cherries in it, and he wanted a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29590

You deserved it

1878

Favorite

By stephiexbabexx - United States

Today, I was with my friends at Burger King. While we were eating, I placed my cellphone on the tray, not realising that I'd left it there until after I emptied my tray into the bin. When I got it out of the trash, it was covered in soggy, sticky garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8786

You deserved it

39335

Favorite

By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31652

You deserved it

2327

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17981

You deserved it

46225

Favorite

By naagodinho - Portugal

Today, I applied to a new gym. Now I have a hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22829

You deserved it

4741

Favorite

By stillfuckingcrying - Sweden - Kristdala

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38728

You deserved it

5595

Favorite

By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31079

You deserved it

2180

Favorite

By Travolta - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. I tried dancing in public for the first time ever. Judging by the whispers, stares and giggles, I'm never doing it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31580

You deserved it

5157

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 23:01

Drained

Today, after following the directions and drinking a gallon of what can only be described as an industrial strength laxative for a scheduled colonoscopy. I shit my brains out for nearly 12 hours. The hospital then called and canceled my procedure an hour before my arrival time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gonzales

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42779

You deserved it

9163

Favorite

By 90 up I-95 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4393

You deserved it

825

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29002

You deserved it

3094

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43532

You deserved it

6059

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#12792 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:36

I find it funny that it was a girl who chose the sex to be the best part of the weekend, and a guy to pick something unrelated.
Way to break down those stereotypes!

Putting stuff together is fun though. :D

By burdenofaday | 0

#12748 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:48

Maybe you should try your own certain move. It's better when the girl does more than just lay there. D:

COMMENTS

By King_of_Kings | 3

#12684 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:05

guys like to put stuff together. its no big deal. dont make it such a big deal.

jondivey | 9

#2179255 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:47

your right, and guys enjoy sex but what kind of a boyfriend says the thing he enjoyed most about it was the sex, but putting anfish tank together is a little lame too, idk maybe he likes fish alot

By Sora_fml | 0

#12691 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:08

lol, well I think its a big deal. Maybe you should do something a little more Pro during sex.

ddlovatolover | 23

#5641357 - Saturday 24 August 2013 7:44

Well hey, you can't blame him. Putting together fish tanks are so fun! They're my favourite too!

By King_of_Kings | 3

#12711 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:25

i meant its no big deal enjoying putting something together more so than sex. and this is refering to only one time. so, its really not a big deal if the poster's boyfriend enjoyed putting together his fishtank more.

By musicalmandi16 | 0

#12713 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:26

Honestly, it sounded like he set it up himself. I mean, he was the one who asked you. Nothing personal. Guys are weird.

By Vonnick | 0

#12732 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:35

It means he's fucked too many girls to care.

By burdenofaday | 0

#12748 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:48

Maybe you should try your own certain move. It's better when the girl does more than just lay there. D:

By nat66623 | 0

#12758 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:59

Your BF is weird.

anonymous100000 | 17

#6274713 - Monday 27 April 2015 5:19

actually, I feel like OP is just shallow and he actually enjoys spending time with her instead of just having sex. I think she deserves it.

By BryceS47 | 0

#12784 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:25

This is why kids in middle school shouldn't have sex..

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#12792 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:36

By JesusChristND | 0

#12796 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:39

his life is fucked if that was his favorite part... not your life