Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend...

By lucy - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

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Love

Serious times

Messed up

Time to run

By dasteve - United States

Today, I won $20 on a scratch ticket my grandma bought me. She wants it back. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been dating is heavily into a mystical card game and spends all of his money going to "Magic" card conventions across the country. FML

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By RachelD - 17/7/2021 18:01 - United States

Entitled

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

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By e_edge - United States

Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

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By Lonely Wanker - 26/2/2021 23:00

Cranking

Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML

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782

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By asadwa

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

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By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

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18008

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2021 14:00

Library time

Today, after a long day, I decided to study. I was so tired and anxious that I couldn't. When I actually started, a neighbour started making a hole in his wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

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35837

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By cuckoo - United States - Mobile

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2021 02:00

Rationalization

Today, I'm getting divorced because I found out that my husband of 17 years cheated on me when I was pregnant, all 3 times. He also had a year-long relationship with another woman, but, "it doesn't count because she knew I wasn't going to leave you." FML

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By hobbled - United States

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

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38154

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By allergic_to_bull - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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By yesguysgetabusedtoo - New Zealand - Papamoa

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

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45421

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By kumbuck3t15 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

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8498

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By Rapunzel - United States - Tucson

Today, I watched as my step-dad put locks on my window, because he's convinced that I've been sneaking out at night. All my mom did was casually remark that I'm fucked if there's ever a fire. FML

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33027

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By NeedHeadPhone - Canada

I love that for you

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

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32838

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By Anonymous - United States - American Canyon

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

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40597

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By pchemist - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

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89235

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By badmom - Canada

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

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By naomids - United States

Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

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50984

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By Shamu - United States

Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML

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33915

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By Wanted - United Kingdom - Salford

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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10461

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By dani911 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Akron

Those things are creepy

Today, I woke up and screamed. My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML

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By JustEwww - Australia

Ewwwww

Today, I played with the white dust on the counter at work for the last time. After a couple of weeks of arriving to a thin coating of dust over the counter, and drawing in it, piling it up and other such fun things, I met the guy who now does the earlier shift. He has a huge, dandruffy beard. FML

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By Stung - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

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By Anonymous

#notyourmaid

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

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5437

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By Neutered - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

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26060

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By Anonymous

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

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12697

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By Anonymous - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

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26264

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By _Asykes_

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

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22596

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By matiasbarbero - United States

Today, a black cat crossed in front of my truck and I thought to myself that it was funny people believe black cats bring bad luck. Not even two minutes later, I drove my truck into a ditch. FML

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24290

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By BikerBuddy - France

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

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By bookworm - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

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By AW

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

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Top comments

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#12792 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:36

I find it funny that it was a girl who chose the sex to be the best part of the weekend, and a guy to pick something unrelated.
Way to break down those stereotypes!

Putting stuff together is fun though. :D

By burdenofaday | 0

#12748 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:48

Maybe you should try your own certain move. It's better when the girl does more than just lay there. D:

COMMENTS

By King_of_Kings | 3

#12684 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:05

guys like to put stuff together. its no big deal. dont make it such a big deal.

jondivey | 9

#2179255 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:47

your right, and guys enjoy sex but what kind of a boyfriend says the thing he enjoyed most about it was the sex, but putting anfish tank together is a little lame too, idk maybe he likes fish alot

By Sora_fml | 0

#12691 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:08

lol, well I think its a big deal. Maybe you should do something a little more Pro during sex.

ddlovatolover | 23

#5641357 - Saturday 24 August 2013 7:44

Well hey, you can't blame him. Putting together fish tanks are so fun! They're my favourite too!

By King_of_Kings | 3

#12711 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:25

i meant its no big deal enjoying putting something together more so than sex. and this is refering to only one time. so, its really not a big deal if the poster's boyfriend enjoyed putting together his fishtank more.

By musicalmandi16 | 0

#12713 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:26

Honestly, it sounded like he set it up himself. I mean, he was the one who asked you. Nothing personal. Guys are weird.

By Vonnick | 0

#12732 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:35

It means he's fucked too many girls to care.

By burdenofaday | 0

#12748 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:48

Maybe you should try your own certain move. It's better when the girl does more than just lay there. D:

By nat66623 | 0

#12758 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:59

Your BF is weird.

anonymous100000 | 17

#6274713 - Monday 27 April 2015 5:19

actually, I feel like OP is just shallow and he actually enjoys spending time with her instead of just having sex. I think she deserves it.

By BryceS47 | 0

#12784 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:25

This is why kids in middle school shouldn't have sex..

By Lick_yer_face | 0

#12792 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:36

By JesusChristND | 0

#12796 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 17:39

his life is fucked if that was his favorite part... not your life