Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML
Today, after many days of glances, smiles, and small talk, I tried to kiss a man from my gym in the parking lot. He dodged and asked why. I said I thought it was what he wanted, given his apparent interest. He said that he's only like that because he does missionary work, and wanted to become a friend. I'm a man. FML
Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML
Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told me we should never talk to each other again. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML
Today, after I finally got up the courage to talk to the girl I'd been crushing on for years, we've got super close over a few weeks. Her best friend, who I'm kinda friends with, texted me, confessing that she likes me. Now the first girl won't talk to me for the sake of her best friend, who I'm not interested in. FML
Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML
Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well, I'm still not attracted to you though." FML
Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
I get that all of the time
krad204 21
That's harsh...
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Comments (127)
amayalives4music 1
Oh shoot. I'm so sorry! That's terrible. At least he didn't say he rather **** a camel... like my crush told me. I got over that dude real fast.
ohSNAPyall 27
Camels are expert humps.
amayalives4music 1
Hahaha Good One :P
Wheredidgrungego 12
....in a good way?
mixit101 3
Is there a good way?
deviable 9
Maybe he mean that she was pure, and by doing her he would be desecrating something holy?
mixit101 3
That doesn't explain the corpse bit...
ZooMzy 9
The real problem is that OP's friend doesn't understand a good compliment when she hears one, not that he isn't interested in her.
obamathellama 0
With tongue or without?
yummylicious 5
That is very rude.
superpoptart 24
What does that even mean.
superpoptart 24
What does that even mean.
victo890 11
That sad:( fyl poor you that guy is a jerk
JinxosGirl87 0
Basically you can never make his penis seem like rigor mortis
bo1440 3
Idk why people are thumbing this down, I thought it was funny. I assume it's because they either don't understand the joke or they're a bunch of humourless stiffs.
nivek2120 8
Until you find out that he really likes you but your friend likes him. Therefore lied to you about what he said. Just to think if you just talked to him yourself you would know.
StitchnLilo 24
That happened to me. With my ex friend and current bf. I said I liked him. She claimed they talked and said that it'd be creepy if I already liked him. We were friends but I didn't tell him what she said til we dated. He never said anything like that, and in fact liked me the whole time. Can u guess y we rnt friends anymore? She tried kissing him one day I left school early. Little ****.
RedPillSucks 33
This is what I was thinking. OP needs to ask herself, to remove any doubt that her friend may have been less than truthful.