Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to ask out this cute girl I used to work with. Before I could, she said she likes my only friend there, and asked if could I set them up. Trying to be nice guy and good friend, I did. Then she made her complete lack of interest in me obvious. But hey, at least the gay guy she hung out with thought I was cute. FML
Today, after many days of glances, smiles, and small talk, I tried to kiss a man from my gym in the parking lot. He dodged and asked why. I said I thought it was what he wanted, given his apparent interest. He said that he's only like that because he does missionary work, and wanted to become a friend. I'm a man. FML
Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML
Today, a guy who I was low-key crushing on asked me out. I excitedly told my best friend, as I do when I have big news. She informed me that the same guy asked her out 15 minutes ago. He'd originally been into her and only came to me because she rejected him. FML
Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told me we should never talk to each other again. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML
Today, after I finally got up the courage to talk to the girl I'd been crushing on for years, we've got super close over a few weeks. Her best friend, who I'm kinda friends with, texted me, confessing that she likes me. Now the first girl won't talk to me for the sake of her best friend, who I'm not interested in. FML
Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML
Today, my best friend who I have been secretly in love with forever, was ranting about her ex-girlfriend. Then she said : "If only you were gay, we'd be perfect for each other." I took the chance to tell her I was. She responded : "Well, I'm still not attracted to you though." FML
Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
I get that all of the time
krad204 21
That's harsh...
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Comments (127)
krad204 21
That's harsh...
Naomimi_fml 6
Necrophelia, anyone?
isitinmybedroom 11
Shot down
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
7 look at the OPs name
StoryOfTheYear 15
I wonder what made him not want to date her if she has an upside like that.
margie2194 12
At least she was honest. Some friends lie and to make you feel better prompting you to horrendously embarrass yourself in front of your crush
n_epic_fail 14
With his attitude you can bet he's not getting any, so necrophilia is his only option, or overpriced STD infested prostitutes... Yea OP, move on. Or just **** his brother.
n_epic_fail 14
With that attitude you can bet he's not getting any, so necrophilia is his only option, or overpriced STD infested prostitutes... Yea, just let that train pass you by OP a better one is coming along.
rkmepm 16
Mother Teresa was hot.
hinchkongfang 0
Buy a blue and white headdress and wear it in front of him...
crownlogic 25
45, neko means cat in Japanese, it has nothing to do with necrophelia
McDougal2013 0
You deserved it!
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
94- obviously I didn't think her name was such because necrophilia, I just laughed at the fact that the two words seemed so close.
sexylol_fml 4
come the next day all badass!
lilwaynerockz_fml 12
Bring a gun and shoot his ass.
crownlogic 25
126, please leave the USA, you're making us look bad. In every FML.
FMLandurstoo 9
I get that all of the time
Spinnmaster 1
Me too! Donny? I that you!?
Spinnmaster 1
Me too! Donny? I that you!?
FMLandurstoo 9
No George, it's me, Herb.
HeyImPayton 0
How's your dog doing herb? :)
speshlk37 13
Get back here you mustly armed sumababitch...
Iheartfunny 1
Maybe he said it because kissing her would be heavenly. (see what I did there)
McPwner 0
First. And Mother Theresa is a beautiful woman, so don't be ashamed.
flockz 20
i always wanted to know what ******* a zombie would be like.....
flockz 20
eh, nevermind on second thought. it would always be trying to eat me. zombies do tend to do that.
docscientist 10
Just find the ones with gums only and you're golden.
flockz 20
but the only time they would give me head is when they wanted brain in return. and i'm not down for that shit.
zombicidal 11
ball gags are wonderful things flockz
docscientist 10
It's about what they want until you get what you want. After that, well, it's getting late and they gotta go.
ikickgingers 15
Mmm Necrophilia...
Iheartfunny 1
Well flockz when I was young I wanted to know the same thing so I invested in a ball gag. Good times but after a while the smell gets really bad, and im not just talking about rotting flesh.
BloodFaerie 21
What the hell is that even supposed to mean??!!
cudi504 4
It means that the dude has some ****** up thoughts.
rkmepm 16
It means she's just a tad fugly
ohSNAPyall 27
She's too sweet! Clearly he's clumsy with words. He probably meant her reincarnation, not her corpse.
thisisafunnyname 12
hey, mother theresa's hot
krysxkatastrophe 14
He knows what that feels like to make out with a corpse? I think him not being interested is a good thing if that's the case....
SilverInGray 25
I wonder if kissing Mother Teresa's corpse is different from kissing any other corpse...
djgomezzi9331 0
Well it looks different, especially depending on how long it has been decomposing (I mean the other corpse we're comparing it to)
rberry88 4
oh you don't know, where have you been. Corpse kissing has taken over planking and owling
SilverInGray 25
I must have missed the new fad, there.
ppssshh 0
Lucky.
hilary56 0
Lucky what? Specify what you are talking about dude.
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
When did he make out with a nun's dead corpse?
rainbowbigbird 7
Boys can be terrible... Sorry OP. The only nice thing about him being direct (as harsh as it was) is you can move on easier!