Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
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Top comments
jewknowit710 2
some one is jealous that they arent getting any action... lol
aleclikestacos 8
you should have honked to save them from getting hit by another car and also to save you time.
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Comments (122)
Helloiloveyou199_fml 0
awww gross.
babyfireball77 14
yummmy
cocobulla1 4
ah! what a beautiful thing! humping squirrels! nothing gets better than that! *sarcasm*
Matty1188 6
Why is it gross? That's how all warm blooded animals reproduce.
Helloiloveyou199_fml 0
yes but not in the middle of the road.
cocobulla1 4
it's like publicly getting it on... but add lots and lots of fur....ew
Zya_fml 8
18 - Hello, I'm sorry I didn't make squirrels as intelligent as humans. Your best friend, God.
cocobulla1 4
lmaoooooooo it's okay, do better next time!
seenyou 3
it's very normal for animals to get it on publically . do you think they care about you watching them ?
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
I hope you recorded it for later. and if you didn't have a recording device at least save it in your wank bank.
cocobulla1 4
yea is normal, just funny lol
13yearoldboy 0
5 minutes?? I woulda whipped out some popcorn and a pair of binoculars! lol
cocobulla1 4
lmao and taped it, for proof, not for any other reasons....
CryMoreFMLs 15
Just for the record, I'm surprised someone didn't try to run them over...
DrJesse 10
18,have you never had sex in public? thats the best way to do it.
bbucaro98 0
were they hot?
Lapy_fml 0
Hey God, thanks a whole bunch for rapturing me.
SchiTzenGiglez 0
I need to give to thanks for Satan for rapturing me as well. Hail Satan!
Kn0wledge123 21
Did this remind anyone else if that rat sex scene from Bad Boys 2?
sarahenity 8
chuck is a sexy man
sarahenity 8
er, that was directed at #85
lunaXXdennice 0
this reminds me of one day I went to the zoo and saw two monkeys having sex and a five year old asked 'daddy why are they fighting?' and his dad was gone ^^so while I was helping him go get help I had to explain him everything... -.- I was a teacher for 6 minutes
aleclikestacos 8
you should have honked to save them from getting hit by another car and also to save you time.
qwert1994 0
There were just wrestling.
cooluc 0
Ok, really? 'There' isn't even a homonym of 'They'.
daltreix 3
WHY DONT WE DO ITTT IN TE ROOOADDD?
CitrusGirl 0
I love the Beatles!
monkeebalz 0
i would have kicked her out on the road and ran all three of their asses over
JacksonCampbell 9
Or just get out and chase 'em away....
EvilPotato 15
oh dear me, not five minutes.
Ihatecupcakes17 0
Lol!! Some girls at my school joked about that!
jewknowit710 2
some one is jealous that they arent getting any action... lol
jackalope069 0
that's what I said, she's just jealous they last longer than her ( and maybe her boyfriend )
alex1432 9
or that their partner doesn't last as long
CateXOX 0
OP's a guy.
gamenick94 1
you spelled someone wrong
doom2 8
well.. that's how the life cycle works. though I'm sorry your mom made you watch.
iReadFmlsFml 0
Maybe OP's mom is hinting something? :P
Tay_dertot 0
what's op and pm stand for on fmylife,?
lolwutguy 0
op means optical pretender and pm means penis massage
love_you77 9
OP means "original poster"
Zya_fml 8
At least she was right about the sex part..
KaanTech 0
let get this right op's mother forced op to watch squrriel **** ??? yea sex part is ok but cmon who wants to watch ANY animal sex with your mother ?
CEG3 0
Is your mom ok dude? Because that's something you don't see everyday. lmao
Doortje 30
Oh noes, 5 whole minutes? What a waste of precious time. Just enjoy the squirrelfucking dude, maybe even get some inspiration.
ihasbrains 10
Squirrel position, ftw!
sweetkitty26 0
that's sad.. not even all humans lat 5 minutes I guess squirrels got better stamina then us..oh wat duh they're squirrels.. they practically defy gravity Squirrels are awesome.
Loaffer 2
YES
DeLpHe3zY 7
Did it turn you on
WiderWille 11
Yes
FUGYU 2
LMAO I got a boner while reading the FML
hoodstar765 0
haha
FYLDeep 26
You should have just reached over and honked the horn. If you're quick about it, I doubt your mom could stop you.
7rafe7 0
well you can say the same thing to her when youre prego
xrainbowshadowx 17
OP is a guy
KristinaKreme 0
I think a better comment would be when he gets someone else pregnant. :)
pancakechick 8
lol
katsteak 0
thats why it would have been beautiful cause he got prego (: