Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I pulled over to have sex in his mother's car. It was going great until I leaned back onto the horn, waking up our whole neighborhood. FML
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, I saw a squirrel beside a tree. Thinking it was cute, I stepped closer, picked up a pine cone and tried to lure it to come closer. After about two minutes of silently squatting on someone's lawn holding a pine cone, I realized the squirrel was dead. FML
Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML
Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML
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Top comments
jewknowit710 2
some one is jealous that they arent getting any action... lol
aleclikestacos 8
you should have honked to save them from getting hit by another car and also to save you time.
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Comments (122)
SmexiLexii 3
Well hey,that's the way hillbillies were raised...
jdeshnerx3 0
what's so FML about that? so you watched two squirrels porking. with your mom! that is freaking awesome
bigantennaemay 3
damn, your mother sucks! i would've flattened those *******!
holagranola 15
why didn't you just drive around them ?
amadan 0
Your mom is a strange lady lol.
BrandonisRomeo 18
ur mom is awesome lol, my mom would have done that
liv2jones 5
Your mom did the right thing: No ****-blocking.... it applies to furry creatures as well
LeelaD 0
What's 5 minutes for a little nut!!
akd1v 0
would it have been too easy to drive around the squirrel **** fest ?
Travis420 0
You know the expression kill two birds with one stone. Well kill three squirrels with one tire.