By FML Approved Crystal Ball Cat Now stop trying to touch my belly and just go away! 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pookaa - United States Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML I agree, your life sucks 38476 You deserved it 8194 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deadman - 25/5/2020 02:00 Creeped out Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML I agree, your life sucks 528 You deserved it 1908 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 41763 You deserved it 10331 158 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By spinster - United States - Lubbock Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML I agree, your life sucks 22267 You deserved it 3878 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started to undo his pants. My reward was him waking up and kneeing me in the eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 16794 You deserved it 27735 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tay - Australia Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML I agree, your life sucks 28468 You deserved it 2711 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hairless - Canada Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML I agree, your life sucks 31360 You deserved it 6753 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NormtheNorm - United States - Enterprise Bipartisan spirit Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML I agree, your life sucks 2261 You deserved it 336 26 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Taiwan Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 65179 You deserved it 6771 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By horribleevening - Australia - Hornsby Today, my wife was sitting next to me surrounded by friends and she decided to start looking up the man that she had an affair on Facebook on her phone - all while I am sitting right next to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 2473 You deserved it 254 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By no salt, no burning, just STFU - United States Today, I woke up this morning in a panic. Last night, I heard scratching at my door, but I thought it was just my cat and went back to sleep. This morning, it hit me that my cat is 600 miles away living with my mom in Iowa. I'm terrified to even sleep now. FML I agree, your life sucks 35555 You deserved it 3531 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tanuki_paws - United States - Phoenix Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML I agree, your life sucks 23588 You deserved it 2713 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Musicfan - United States Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML I agree, your life sucks 34609 You deserved it 4424 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuck - United Kingdom - Farnham Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML I agree, your life sucks 30442 You deserved it 59601 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States It's a mystery Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML I agree, your life sucks 8025 You deserved it 61065 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whyme27 - United States - South Bend Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML I agree, your life sucks 28448 You deserved it 4325 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mrs.nerd - United States Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML I agree, your life sucks 37972 You deserved it 4517 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 20:01 It's good to learn! Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML I agree, your life sucks 1164 You deserved it 176 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bad friend - 19/12/2020 02:04 - United States Entitled Today, after I'd mailed my friend her Christmas gifts since we can’t see each other, she called me ranting because the gift I sent her dog only cost $5. According to her, that means I must not really care as her dog is her “baby”. I bought gifts for all 5 of her kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 1120 You deserved it 63 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Great. - Brazil - Belo Horizonte Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML I agree, your life sucks 33628 You deserved it 11780 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LonelyLoner - United States Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML I agree, your life sucks 12824 You deserved it 38093 86 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green Today, I found out my roommate Skypes my friends on my laptop when I'm away. Not only that, he covers his face and shows them his junk. My friends no longer answer Skype calls from me. FML I agree, your life sucks 43644 You deserved it 4812 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lbelle - Canada - Montreal Today, my right ear drum ruptured. My family doesn't understand that I only lost hearing in one ear and continues to talk about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them. FML I agree, your life sucks 27550 You deserved it 1642 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Willpower Today, I started my new health kick: granola for breakfast, salad for lunch and gym after work. I was so proud of myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 737 You deserved it 1611 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Regina Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 12956 You deserved it 37069 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By drake86 - United Kingdom - Helensburgh Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML I agree, your life sucks 13888 You deserved it 32983 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Asshats everywhere Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML I agree, your life sucks 5246 You deserved it 234 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bender - Canada Today, I decided that it would be good exercise to shovel the ice on the backyard patio. Now I can't stand up. FML I agree, your life sucks 20201 You deserved it 7713 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Hairball - United States Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML I agree, your life sucks 36510 You deserved it 3145 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By madelynn - United States Today, this guy I have a huge crush on came with me to my house to study. I was warmly welcomed by my drunken mother laying naked on the floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 39488 You deserved it 3000 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Glastonbury Today, my daughter believed that watching the Big Bang Theory would count as studying for her chemistry final. FML I agree, your life sucks 47716 You deserved it 7127 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imawesomeokay - Mexico - Zapopan Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 45140 You deserved it 10920 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sucks2beme Today, a cute guy who works in my building said, “Wow! You look hot.” I blushed and replied, “Oh thanks!” He then said, “Oh, no. I meant you look sweaty. Is it hot outside?” FML I agree, your life sucks 4103 You deserved it 429 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Asian - United States - Clover Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML I agree, your life sucks 22840 You deserved it 1853 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was chatting to my brother on Skype. Out of the blue, and just as I read the punchline to a hilarious joke, he said his girlfriend had been cheating on him. I couldn't stifle my side-splitting laughter, and he's been ignoring my calls since. FML I agree, your life sucks 26786 You deserved it 9952 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - New Zealand Today, my boyfriend of nearly two years broke up with me because he's sick of me being annoyed at him. Why am I annoyed at him? Because he wants to go and spend a week with his ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 41452 You deserved it 5295 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By preggers - Canada Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 33467 You deserved it 3916 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catfriend - United States - Salida Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML I agree, your life sucks 45920 You deserved it 4819 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thatgirl247 - United States Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML I agree, your life sucks 42024 You deserved it 5175 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oops - United States Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML I agree, your life sucks 53418 You deserved it 10801 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend was terminated from work: for having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a coworker, and not because... I agree, your life sucks 99 You deserved it 4 0 Comments
Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so... I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 21 2 Comments
