By FML Approved Crystal Ball Cat Now stop trying to touch my belly and just go away! 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML I agree, your life sucks 24930 You deserved it 7024 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML I agree, your life sucks 1773 You deserved it 265 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML I agree, your life sucks 31707 You deserved it 9647 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kevin - Canada Today, my parents took my laptop, cut the Internet, took my car keys and TV, and removed my bedroom door. Why? Because they thought the plant I was growing for my science project was a marijuana plant. Oh yeah, they took that too. My presentation is tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 38329 You deserved it 2782 205 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 10415 You deserved it 836 35 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NJ <3 - United States Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML I agree, your life sucks 26144 You deserved it 3666 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I miss bread - 14/12/2020 17:04 - Australia - Brisbane Pile on Today, I found out I'm going to be celebrating New Year's with a gastroscopy and colonoscopy. It's been two days since I discovered I'm gluten intolerant to go with my lactose intolerance. It's also my 28th birthday tomorrow. FML I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 68 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ordinaryday - Canada - Edmonton Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML I agree, your life sucks 26157 You deserved it 3308 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML I agree, your life sucks 36639 You deserved it 3658 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kinky pinky - 2/9/2020 05:02 - United States Lowkey Today, my husband threw a fit because I dyed my hair bright magenta. Funny, I actually dyed it three days ago. He literally just noticed. Shows how much attention he pays me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1630 You deserved it 220 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thedullard - United States Today, at the gym, I see a person laying unconscious on the ground with people crowded around. Previously being a lifeguard, and knowing CPR, I ran over and asked a man what happened, preparing to check his vitals. I then realized that the body was a dummy and the employees were doing a drill. FML I agree, your life sucks 17398 You deserved it 31138 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By romancocks - United States - Palatka Today, some girl in the street mistook me for Richard Simmons. FML I agree, your life sucks 37225 You deserved it 5770 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon - United States Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML I agree, your life sucks 43944 You deserved it 4092 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TiredMommy - United States - Southbridge Today, my 2-year-old son figured out that if he takes his pull-up off and DOESN'T go on the potty, he can pee all over things. FML I agree, your life sucks 4473 You deserved it 421 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By person_r - Norway Today, my wife is divorcing me because she wants to party more with her friends alone. One year ago, I followed her to Norway, where her family lives. I left my friends, family and job opportunities (which were very good) in order to live with her. Now I am shoveling shit on a horse farm. FML I agree, your life sucks 64483 You deserved it 12557 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML I agree, your life sucks 28950 You deserved it 4238 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By weeble_wobbles09 - United States Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had basketball practice. I was talking to my friend about it, and sent her a text saying "Oh well. I have explosive diarrhea anyways." She wasn't replying, so I checked my sent box. I sent it to him. FML I agree, your life sucks 10388 You deserved it 25673 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WelcomeWagon - United States Today, I unpacked in my new, non-air conditioned apartment wearing nothing but underwear, a tank top and an apron to stay cool. Later, I realized I'd crossed through the complex to my car and the dumpster many times, and arranged my deck overlooking the parking lot, without ever donning shorts. FML I agree, your life sucks 10508 You deserved it 42078 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thesaddestsoup - Macedonia - Stip Today, my long-distance relationship ended. The only thing my dad had to say to comfort me was that he hopes my phone bills will, "go back to normal now." FML I agree, your life sucks 7527 You deserved it 1330 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ouch - Serbia Mommy's favorite flower Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1602 You deserved it 239 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bitty - United States Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML I agree, your life sucks 25244 You deserved it 6868 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By flimflam - United States Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML I agree, your life sucks 42645 You deserved it 3848 175 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 23:03 Chilly Today, I'm a young, healthy non-smoker, getting plenty of exercise and walking about 8.000 steps a day. I still have ice-cold feet. Even wearing two pairs of socks. And Lambswool boots. In July. FML I agree, your life sucks 1172 You deserved it 205 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Charlottesville Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML I agree, your life sucks 11196 You deserved it 1218 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon. - United Kingdom Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML I agree, your life sucks 35950 You deserved it 6197 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hotpatata - United States Today, I sneezed my jaw out of socket. Yes, this is possible. FML I agree, your life sucks 33964 You deserved it 2222 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML I agree, your life sucks 58737 You deserved it 3993 305 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By single - China Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML I agree, your life sucks 46748 You deserved it 4500 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By prostate - United States Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML I agree, your life sucks 73122 You deserved it 7016 248 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kira - Canada - Halifax Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML I agree, your life sucks 24850 You deserved it 13490 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fml boy Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML I agree, your life sucks 2185 You deserved it 316 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous He tried. Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4787 You deserved it 267 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Susan - United States Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML I agree, your life sucks 7844 You deserved it 43620 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, the kids I teach informed me that I had spelled my name incorrectly on the board. I looked at it and assured them that I had spelled it correctly. I'm 22 and a graduate student, they're six and mentally challenged. Guess who was right? FML I agree, your life sucks 19197 You deserved it 69403 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By outie - 13/9/2020 02:02 Genetics Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I have an 'outie' belly button, and he didn't want our potential kids to have one. FML I agree, your life sucks 1443 You deserved it 150 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML I agree, your life sucks 12842 You deserved it 39910 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AHole - United States - Grand Forks Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML I agree, your life sucks 10794 You deserved it 75453 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Fpo Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML I agree, your life sucks 32600 You deserved it 6792 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Christmas pictures Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML I agree, your life sucks 2735 You deserved it 288 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Unclean - 12/3/2020 18:58 Missing the point Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months because I told him I loved him. Not because he felt any different than I did, but because the term "love" should be reserved for God, and not be said to mortals. FML I agree, your life sucks 1739 You deserved it 203 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I had to resort to telling my boyfriend that I have a praise kink, just so that he would actually compliment me. FML I agree, your life sucks 578 You deserved it 171 2 Comments
Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so... I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 160 11 Comments
