Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife, who I haven’t seen for over a month because we both travel a lot for work, got home. The last thing she said to me was that she couldn't wait to get home because she just wants some alone time. FML
Today, my wife came back from a three-day moms' retreat, and was mad I didn't immediately want to spend time with her. She called me 68 times (yes, I counted) while she was gone, so it was really like she never left. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home from being deployed for the past 3 months. As soon as he gets out of the car, he walks right past me and goes to hug his dog. FML
Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML
Today, my wife got back from a "homesick" trip to NY State. She brought her boyfriend back with her. FML
Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML
Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML
Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML
Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML
Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
I would seriously consider re-evaluating whether you want to stay married to her or not. I mean, i realize people like their pets, but really? What. A. Bitch.
missus_butter 0
Whatever the dog is doing, start doing that.
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Comments (152)
l33tm0nk3y 0
Sounds to me like it's time for some couples' therapy...
Thunk 0
If you want to get back at her, do this: 1) Whack off so you're not horny 2) Get her in the mood for sex...play around with her, whatever. 3) Right when she starts asking for it...say, "Hey! I wonder what the dog is up to!" and get up and leave. If you can't do step number 2 then either you are a silly silly man or you really need to drop this bitch
Makinitez 0
That dog must've been "filling in" for you. Get it? Filling in? YEAH! I made a joke as stupid as your wife!
jokolopolop 0
hahahahaha
FVSimon323 0
LmAoOOOo damn u need to anal-ize her for that
momoloser 0
I do that to my bf haha but he has a sense of humor, he gets on his knees next to the dog and gives me puppy eyes till I kiss him, @#10 it is men like you who will never experience a real bond, or even I bet (just my guess) that you are a middle aged man sitting in your moms basement asking for more tacos!!!! @poolshark and @ohhhhshizzz I really appreciate people like you who stand up to the ignorant morons who generalize people like that, I fully agree with you!!
jhb33 4
Hmm... Reminds me of my parents...
chris3113 7
shows how much she needs you.. fyl
SaintJimmy21 19
But the dog is fine, right?
Gassystevie 6
Maybe you should try doggy style
Acid1260 21
So the dog and your wife are bitches?