Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when... - FML

By cammy123 - 8/5/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

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Last dates

Mystery

The end of the road

By smokin - 26/7/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

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By waltzy777 - 26/4/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

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By xpxp2002 - 27/5/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

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By AMIGODO - 12/2/2011 15:13 - Netherlands

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

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By jena - 22/8/2018 22:00

EMERGENCY

Today, my daughter called 911. Why? Because she couldn't get the images to show up on her phone. She's 12. FML

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By yuen - 16/6/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

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By nearly20yetasfearfulasatoddlerhavingnightmares - 19/3/2013 06:32 - United States - Allen

Today, it's my third night of finally living on my own in a house. I can't count the number of times I have run to my knife and pepper spray after hearing "suspicious" sounds. Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult after all. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2020 01:13

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

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By too proud to beg - 23/9/2020 02:02

Basic Instinct

Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 19:00 - United States

Landlords are scum

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

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By barfyshirt - 6/12/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

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By Lauren - 12/10/2011 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

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By notsober - 20/3/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

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By Lordy - 3/8/2016 11:33 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

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By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2015 02:42 - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

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By sunflower226 - 5/8/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

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By Ovie - 25/7/2019 22:00

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

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By oops - 5/4/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 00:37 - Canada

Today, I came home and saw my roommate had taken out the garbage for the first time in the three years we have lived in the same house. Unfortunately, the bag of laundry I had by the door was taken out with it as well. FML

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By GottaGetOuttaHere - 9/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2018 17:30

Today, I was stopped in traffic when a woman rear-ended me, backed up, and sped off along the shoulder, taking my passenger side mirror with her. FML

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By occam's pube-razor - 5/9/2015 04:26 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

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By Crys - 29/12/2018 12:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I decided to finish up some Christmas shopping. Instead, I ended up having to buy a present for myself - a new alternator after my car died and left me stranded. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2014 16:04 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML

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By Username - 2/8/2011 04:43 - Australia

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

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By rosecolas - 12/11/2016 13:36 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was given a building key that students aren't supposed to have because they'll lose it. I told my coach I wouldn't lose the key. The same key disappeared not even 20 minutes later without a trace. I still can't find it, and it's been an hour. FML

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By heterolifepartner - 18/1/2010 06:03 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years role-plays on the internet, pretending to have sex with men. His response when I confronted him about it? "Which specific incidents are you referring to?" FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

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By lynn_27 - 2/5/2020 08:00

Hammertime

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to tell me he couldn't take it anymore because my legs were too hairy. I shaved yesterday. FML

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By nojob - 7/5/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:37 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML

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By gordy1220 - 13/2/2010 18:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I got back from my daughter's flat in Scotland. I got a flight there yesterday morning to surprise her on her 21st birthday. Nobody told her I was coming. When I got there, it turned out she decided to get a plane to London to surprise me. £200 on flights, and I didn't even get to see her. FML

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By Karma - 21/4/2015 16:45 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, whilst in the last week of my notice period, I was instructed by my boss to tell six new employees that their jobs had fallen through before they'd even started. Later that afternoon, I received a call from my line manager. Guess whose own job has fallen through too. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2019 00:04

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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By Tyler - 3/9/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

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By regrettably well rested - 14/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2020 02:00

Tactician

Today, in the most polite and friendly way I could think of, I told a friend that she's slightly too dramatic about things. She started throwing a fit, deleted my number, and ended our seven-year friendship. FML

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Top comments

By ben26_fml | 0

#179360 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

why did so many ppl say YDI? how the fuck is anyone supposed to know whether a mirror is normal or a two-way. and at target, who would know target has a two way mirror...FYL

By that_guy321 | 2

#179441 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:43

EVERY target i've ever been to has those two way mirrors. You can even see through them if you look closely enough.
plus, you were on your way to the bathroom, couldn't you have done it there?
YDI.

COMMENTS

By brasileirinha | 0

#179348 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:13

Oh wow that sucks. But maybe YDI for not checking for a two way mirror (press your finger up to the mirror...if the reflection touches your finger it's a two way mirror...if not, then it's a normal mirror). :D

Reply

nates0210 | 0

#839289 - Wednesday 10 February 2010 0:08

you're an idiot number 1. OP did you look good?

Reply

lolpwntdumass | 0

#853763 - Sunday 14 February 2010 5:01

It's a one way mirror not a two way mirror you dumb shit.
And your not gonna die. This isn't an fml.

Reply

Moooooo_fml | 0

#979749 - Wednesday 14 April 2010 11:06

usually if u press ur finge to any mirror the reflection touches ur finger :/ have no brain much? yea I think so.

Reply

indiecindyx | 0

#981052 - Saturday 17 April 2010 21:21

for gods sake stop taking this so seriously. It's not as if every FML has to be sinister and horrible.
p.s - Bad luck OP !

Reply

toqwert | 0

#3059454 - Sunday 7 August 2011 21:21

the cow goes mooooo and actually it is true, that's how you tell. might wanna check you vision there.

Reply

Invasion976 | 6

#5459558 - Monday 22 April 2013 8:17

Both mean the same damn thing.

Reply

MattM95 | 16

#5950369 - Monday 19 May 2014 21:03

Well #119 if you remember your science classes you would know what he means. If you put your finger against a normal mirror in your house you would see a gap between your finger and the reflection. If it's a two way mirror you would see your finger connected to the reflection (meaning there is no gap). But I don't think it's OP's fault. Who the hell would check a mirror in the open? Maybe a washroom mirror because you want privacy.

By ola_ | 0

#179349 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:13

Ok the only thing that is, is embarrassing.

If you think your life is fu*ked because of that...you're a retard.

By onigiriqueen | 0

#179353 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:15

You ARE a retard. No doubt.

By plethora | 3

#179359 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

#1: What?

By ben26_fml | 0

#179360 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:20

why did so many ppl say YDI? how the fuck is anyone supposed to know whether a mirror is normal or a two-way. and at target, who would know target has a two way mirror...FYL

Reply

AnonymousUsers | 14

#5791270 - Saturday 14 December 2013 3:59

Most targets do

By DeadmansInkXXX | 0

#179382 - Friday 8 May 2009 12:37

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOL

By hk_fml | 9

#179414 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:02

LOL.
Oh man. That is so embarrassing.

By sophiepento | 0

#179418 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:04

It wouldnt be that embarrassing minus the nose checking

By ohhhhshizzz | 0

#179420 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:08

#1: What? Your finger touches your reflection if it IS a mirror.
@OP: IDK why so many people say you deserved it, who would know that Target had a two-way mirror, where the hell?

By Kissusexy1010 | 0

#179422 - Friday 8 May 2009 13:13

Lmao good for u hahahahahahahaha