Intimacy: Mad beliefs

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 287

You deserved it 20 811

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Same thing different taste

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 261

You deserved it 90 506

Sex work is real work

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 2 734

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 253

You deserved it 5 066

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 476

You deserved it 3 067

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 017

You deserved it 6 244

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 11:58 - United States - Gorham

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 331

You deserved it 9 134

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 911

You deserved it 3 577

By dynah114 - 27/01/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 377

You deserved it 2 490

By Susan - 18/03/2013 08:59 - Ireland

Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 715

You deserved it 16 044

Worried?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 14:00

Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 124

arienh4 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 13:12

#5 Because it's free.

KwitIt 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 12:44

Well... at least you were honest! I hope this doesn't deter you from honesty in the future! And #1, it's not like the OP could have just said, "Nope. Not talking about this with you!" That would be incredibly disrespectful, and it sounds like the grandma brought it up first.

Comments

BrandNewKadillak 0

Monday 13 April 2009 3:26

I agree with #53 and #59. It's great you have someone you can be that open with and talk about "delicate" subjects such as this. Sure, it would have shocked me a little at first too but I would be glad to have someone I could come to about things like that.

madelinex 0

Monday 13 April 2009 4:09

LOL! you have the best grandma!

Yousapp 0

Monday 13 April 2009 4:12

Ok, your Grandma's just really smart. Do you really even feellike having sex anymore? Ever?

Mnemo_fml 0

Monday 13 April 2009 4:12

I agree with #63, you have an awesome grandma :)

Ryelle 0

Monday 13 April 2009 5:22

Your grandma is freaking awesome.

genius_man16 0

Monday 13 April 2009 5:34

You have the most awesome grandma to ever exist. Bee-tee-dubs

dammn 0

Monday 13 April 2009 5:57

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

koneko12984 0

Monday 13 April 2009 6:17

discussing childbirth and the fact that i had a scheduled c-section cuz i'm too little for any other option, my grandma told me ALLLL about her childbirth stories. including what they did when the baby was too big back in her day. and all her babies were "too big". i now know what my grandma's ****** looks like in detail. :S