By Cerezo - 22/11/2009 15:39 - Guatemala
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The last time my parents did that, I proved to them, using my Psychology textbook, that using such a disciplinary tactic would instill suicidal behavior rathor than the behavior they were hoping to get out of me (good grades, responsibility ect.) because of the fact that negative reinforcements do not cause beneficial reactions, but negative reactions of learned helplessness. They now hate me for being a paumpous ass. MORAL OF THE STORY: You can never please your parents...ever, no matter what they say.
Could you also maybe use that Psychology textbook to look up the definition of "negative reinforcement," because I don't think you *quite* know what it means. Positive reinforcement is, put simply, being rewarded for a behavior (so that behavior is reinforced). Negative reinforcement is when YOU change or remove something from a bad situation to make it better (like playing with a baby to make it stop crying). It also reinforces the behavior, so negative reinforcements DO cause beneficial reactions (well, beneficial to you); that's why they're called REINFORCEMENTS. The "negative" part refers to the fact that you're removing something, not that the reinforcement is bad, just as the "positive" part of positive reinforcements refers to something being added. Your parents, then, cannot actually negatively reinforce you; you negatively reinforce yourself. However, if you WERE to change your ways to do what your parents wanted, it would be negative reinforcement, but it would be self-motivated, not directly reinforced by your parents any more than turning on the air conditioner would be reinforced by the room being hot. Now, punishment, especially passive-aggressive punishment from your parents, most certainly doesn't work. All that BS causes is internal conflict. What you have here, according to Carl Rogers, anyway, is your parents' conditional positive regard, which tears your self-esteem to shit, but it's the fact that you can never please your parents that leads to learned helplessness, not their conditional positive regard. Either way, FYL.
Generally if this is what your parents are saying, they're right. YDI.
I agree with 'subhuman1'. Disown those assholes. Jesus fucking christ they shouldnt be parents cause thats the most hateful,hurtful and awful thing to ever do to a child. If you think your child is failing have a 'life talk' sit down with them. But talking shit like that? Bro that anit family. Thats fucking something i expect my worst enemy to say about me. You NEVER NEVER talk shit about your family, only about friends or strangers but never family..... RAWWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, disown them and cut them out of your life for good.
F our lives indeed. F Asian our Asian parents (for those who are Asians) who dis us so much and step on top of us. Personally my parents over-glorify how smart and "top-of-the-class -> 100%" they were while I’m more of an 80-85% student. Its like they want you to be perfect and flaw-less. I’m in my last year of high school – I’m gone as soon as next year start; move out to my university and never look back. F our Lives. Period.
I hate it when people do that. It is as though they have no guts to confront you about such things, eh? Anyhow, prove it to them that you are not all about "disappointment" (: