Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I had gotten away with throwing a party while my folks were gone the night before. They came home and I was as sweet as possible. I could tell they were not buying it, but I thought I was in the clear. Later, they told me I had drunk-dialled them and spilled the beans. FML
Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML
Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML
Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in three days. FML
Today, I returned home from a three-week vacation. None of my friends realized I'd been gone. FML
Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML
Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML
Today, I was arrested for breaking into a house. This is what happens when I lose my key. FML
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Top comments
nix1993 41
Take it as a compliment! Either that or they just aren't very subtle about wishing you hadn't come home.
oj101 33
Keep up the hard work, and soon you'll be so thin, no one can even see you when you turn sideways. That way, you'll be a much more efficient burglar.
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Comments (52)
Danielle7994 18
Wow you changed that drastically after one semester? Yay good for you! :) I just think it's terribly sad that your parents didn't recognize you. You know, considering they've been raising you for 18+ years.
Catkam623 27
Any chance it was the middle of the night when you came home and the door was locked so you slid through a window fell had your parents come rushing to the noise where your like mom dad it's me and they say no way our son is way too fat to slide through a window.
darwinism 30
Any chance you are like high right now?
Welshite 40
I almost lost consciousness from lack of breath trying to read that sentence.
Catkam623 27
Yea, I made edits but ran out of time. I was on my way out the door when I posted and sort of forgot about punctuation in any of it's forms.
flockz 20
lack of punctuation in order to remain punctual. *golf clap*
katties 27
No correction about that OP is a girl?
olpally 33
Thanks mom and dad, love you too... Jerks.
SuperSofie 23
Indeed, what kind of parents forget how their child looks like?! FYL.
BlindHunta 5
They probably enjoyed having all that alone time, they forgot to you even existed.
musicluvr2000 11
Great hospitality your parents have!
Zebediabolical 45
Did they know that was the day you were coming home? Or did you not tell them in order to surprise them?
Duceswild99 19
Grats on the loss and new record!
worldclassrager 41
That's great! Just don't turn into a toothpick...
cbayley 1
Sounds like your bragging
oxygenius 14
Getting in shape as in getting fit or getting fat? Because round is also a shape!