By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 12:02 - Canada - Ottawa

It wasn't me

Today, my mom blamed me for her family knowing about my dad cheating on her. She has forgiven him after multiple affairs with different ladies, yet she blames me that her family found out because they question her decision to be with him. FML

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Vulture

Our house, in the middle of our street

QAnon weirdoes

By waj9876 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

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By Mayo

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

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By Username

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2020 23:02

Is this a joke?

Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML

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By vansboy

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I blared my music while I got ready for a night out. Getting really into this one song, I grabbed onto the nearest thing as a makeshift microphone. It happened to be the hot end of my curling iron. FML

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By logic - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked by my live-in landlord not to put too much water in the kettle because it made the utility bills too high. This is the same woman who takes daily baths. FML

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By UpAllNight - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

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By aj513 - United States - New Bedford

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

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By emilyupsidedown - United States

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

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By mn051299 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Villahermosa

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

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By E

Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML

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By Teresa - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

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By customerservicesucks - Canada

Today, I spent half an hour on the phone with a woman who was yelling at the top of her lungs, sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating. She also told me if she had a heart attack and died from crying, it was all my fault. Why? I told her she needed her receipt to have her T.V. repaired. FML

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By loser - United States - Washington

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

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By Mandy - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying "that's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

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By cuppincake - Australia

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tyrone

Today, my dad asked my brother not to use his shaver so late at night. That wasn't him, and it wasn't his shaver either. FML

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By Grad2010 - United States

Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML

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By MonsieurH - France - Perros-guirec

Today, my dog wouldn't stop pestering me while I was eating some chocolate mousse. I tried to get him to leave me alone for a bit by pretending to throw the mousse far away. The pot stayed in my hand, but I covered the furniture in chocolate mousse. My dog enjoyed cleaning it up. FML

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By notacashier - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

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By Cuzles - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

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By

He is worried

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

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By Suprise - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

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By quietsleeper - United States

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 05:00

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Idiots on bikes

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

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By do your own ironing

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3am, screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

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By lilsis - Australia

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

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By amelie

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

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By lulupie

Today, I went to a job interview. I really needed the job to keep my apartment. As I was being interviewed, the manager looked past me and stared off into space. There goes the job and my apartment. FML

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By Mylifeisaboldandbeautifulepisode

Today, I was telling a close friend about the devastating discovery of my husband’s cheating. Turns out, she may be giving my children a half-sister for Christmas. FML

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Top comments

By Charlie Given | 23

#7947562 - Sunday 25 October 2020 20:06

the only one to blame is the cheater

By RichardPencil | 30

#7947537 - Sunday 25 October 2020 17:46

You never said whether you informed her family or not.

We don't know if you're being blamed fairly.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7947537 - Sunday 25 October 2020 17:46

You never said whether you informed her family or not.

We don't know if you're being blamed fairly.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7947562 - Sunday 25 October 2020 20:06

the only one to blame is the cheater

Reply

noporn4u | 9

#7947852 - Monday 26 October 2020 20:46

Forgiving the cheater is both noble... and enabling.