Intimacy: Hott

Hott

By purple - 24/03/2012 05:30 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 374

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Same thing different taste

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 935

You deserved it 10 641

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 7 718

Traumatized knob

By Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 991

You deserved it 4 602

By Anonymous - 02/01/2012 17:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 268

You deserved it 7 883

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 445

By Anon. - 01/03/2011 23:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 607

You deserved it 90 939

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 433

You deserved it 9 835

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 138

You deserved it 14 881

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 22:55 - United States - Somerset

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 658

You deserved it 64 542

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 966

You deserved it 1 169

mrphychrs 5

Saturday 24 March 2012 12:28

how can she knows she's doin it wrong if you don't tell her? gotta let her know that kinda stuff bud

teague95 16

Saturday 24 March 2012 12:30

Take extreme pain instead of just saying "hey babe use some lube and be gentle"

Comments

writergirl23 19

Sunday 25 March 2012 1:25

Oww!! You don't have to tell her to stop OP, just say, "Babe I like it a little slower."

ADuckOnQuack_fml 0

Sunday 25 March 2012 1:40

Assassins Creed preorder? Nice. I did the same.

jeffree_adams 5

Sunday 25 March 2012 1:43

Lmao xD

mejiiaa 0

Sunday 25 March 2012 1:47

What the actual ****

clarebear14 1

Sunday 25 March 2012 3:27

Yeahhh you might want to talk about that one with her... sucks for you though that you have a girl that can't give you a simple handjob :/

dansco 24

Sunday 25 March 2012 3:46

Was your girlfriend a nun/virgin or really young? how else could she not know how foreskin & handjobs work?! YDI for not stopping when it hurt!

jackeechan 10

Sunday 25 March 2012 5:24

What color?

greenmen 12

Sunday 25 March 2012 6:52

Guess her point made not have sex for a while longer

UnluckyDude96 8

Sunday 25 March 2012 7:09

Ooh! How painful!

staymintyfresh 13

Sunday 25 March 2012 7:16

Why didn't she just give you a bj? I mean unless you prefer handjobs but that would be weird...? I don't know

monkeywrench1 10

Sunday 25 March 2012 10:47

I would take a BJ-on-a-stick any day over a had job. I'm right there with you.

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You deserved it 624

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She's claiming it was rape and is going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 4 018

Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML

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You deserved it 298

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said, "Being loved by you is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful I now know how it feels to be treated with kindness…" Then the word "but" and her abusive, estranged husband's name were uttered in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 123

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 830

You deserved it 3 545

Today, I was in class finishing up an assignment when the guy next to me, my crush, said "I really love your hair." I started to blush then I turned towards him and said thanks, at the same time as the girl he was actually talking to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 507

You deserved it 6 392

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I agree, your life sucks 49 322

You deserved it 3 202