"...Hello darkness, my old friend..."

Were your aunt and uncle customers or cashiers?

"To add insult to injury, my girlfriend was buying an extra-small *****, and I was buying an XXL fleshlight."

Let me guess what happened next: the cashier pointed out that you were naked, and while everyone was laughing all your teeth fell out.

Butt plug for you or your girlfriend?

Well at least you were with a partner and not on your own. Eh, they were in a similar position to you, so the embarrassment is mutual and you know they can't judge you so I reckon you'll be ok mate :)

Really, I think that's actually kind of reassuring. It just goes to show that you're no more perverted than everyone else.

"It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood"

Everybody's getting into it.

I bet you guys will never have sex again or look your teacher and aunt and uncle in the eyes again