Food, Insulting and Miscellaneous: Fighting talk

Fighting talk

By dempasi - 06/05/2016 18:51 - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 671

You deserved it 2 559

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 435

You deserved it 54 881

By LonelyPorkChop - 18/12/2013 09:30 - Australia

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 053

You deserved it 8 774

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 409

You deserved it 3 008

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 20:55 - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 768

You deserved it 12 849

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 077

You deserved it 5 884

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 298

You deserved it 4 231

Thanks…

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 220

You deserved it 3 955

By wmkaz - 21/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 198

You deserved it 5 043

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 064

You deserved it 3 391

BoxFullOfLazy 25

Saturday 7 May 2016 7:59

People need to learn to mind their own business.

jeffprobs 29

Saturday 7 May 2016 8:07

That's because it was funny, yes it's rude and I'm sorry it happened to you. But it's like a fall, it hurts the person who falls but it is still funny. If you were a comedian and you told me this happened to you, you would expect laughter.

Comments

fakedsincerity 32

Saturday 7 May 2016 17:17

Found the vegan.

ThrottleJockey 35

Saturday 7 May 2016 17:42

This reminds me, I haven't flipped my page a day bacon calendar yet today.

krad204 21

Saturday 7 May 2016 18:06

You, sir, are overreacting. It's a jerk comment but you took it way to seriously.

janfleury 19

Saturday 7 May 2016 19:17

No way would I of laughed at that when I would of known how much that would of hurt my husband. I most likely would of told off the rude a## that said it.

delfino1604 24

Saturday 7 May 2016 19:47

as funny as that is to hear about, your wife should have stuck up for you. my wife would have beaten their ass. she flies off the handle when someone talks shit about me.

Sherlihy 6

Saturday 7 May 2016 19:58

Some times yah just got to laugh at yourself op.

takeittoem 8

Saturday 7 May 2016 20:16

Rude and unnecessary.... but also hilarious.

tipsyone 22

Saturday 7 May 2016 23:36

Perhaps you should have a diet you pig! Stop before you become too obese

mkcherry 14

Sunday 8 May 2016 0:36

Your wife has probably wanted to say something about your weight before if she laughed uncontrollably. At least she tried to cover it up and not hurt you.

wolfssb135 11

Sunday 8 May 2016 3:25

She's coughing? Well she might need some water to smother that BURRRRRRNNNN. All jokes aside, that joke was still rude. Very sorry that happened... He really should just mind his own business.