Miscellaneous: Childish doofus

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 3 007

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 17:34 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 640

You deserved it 5 679

Scoville

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend made dinner. He warned me that it was spicy, but I laughed at him and said that white guys don't know spicy. Five minutes later, I had to beg for milk, with my eyes streaming and nose pouring. Turns out I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 714

Fighting talk

By dempasi - 06/05/2016 18:51 - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 654

You deserved it 2 546

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 221

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 351

Scoville scale

By firefire - 30/07/2020 08:01

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 983

You deserved it 307

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 298

You deserved it 7 218

A man without a plan

By Anonymous - 31/01/2023 16:30

Today, I was going to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, but when I got home I realized I had forgotten the main ingredient: the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 837

Honey…

By greenintheface - 30/04/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 4 106

The wedding from hell

By Anonymous - 04/04/2023 14:00

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 907

UnluckyLatina 22

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:07

Yup, that would be tough to swallow

Ashamed_Sister 60

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:06

You've got a funny man child.

Comments

helptheorphans 17

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:05

come on, it's not a big deal...

Love_L0ST 13

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:07

#1 You are right I don't even know how this is an FML OP's husband was just being immature, but isn't everyone at some point?

willsnow18 11

Monday 28 December 2015 4:55

no, no, no. cum in...

Ashamed_Sister 60

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:06

You've got a funny man child.

walid820014 20

Sunday 27 December 2015 11:44

Ikr?!

laden_swallow09 34

Sunday 27 December 2015 15:30

Funny Man-child You may only pick one.

aspecialspecial 21

Monday 28 December 2015 0:41

Funny none the less xD

UnluckyLatina 22

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:07

Yup, that would be tough to swallow

Zaizun 11

Friday 1 January 2016 2:45

"OH MY GOD SANS"

Angelkisses130 26

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:07

I guess you could say he didn't see that ingredient cumin :D

Kidd_Ant 18

Sunday 27 December 2015 8:17

Boooo.

virtue333 4

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:21

Great comment

w0nderwh4t 14

Monday 28 December 2015 7:57

ba-dum-tish

HoboMeth 33

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:09

Make him swallow what he makes you swallow

memeometer 11

Sunday 27 December 2015 11:28

That's disgusting

Avi8r 22

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:12

What's long, hard, and had cum in it? ...a cucumber.

laden_swallow09 34

Sunday 27 December 2015 15:32

Long, hard, and full of seamen? A submarine. I know, it's not as funny when you write it out.

mds9986 24

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:13

He's turning in to a typical dad just as scheduled.

SlapsKnee 12

Thursday 31 December 2015 1:33

Maybe just don't use that joke around kids.

Rachstep22 15

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:13

Probably need to make sure he isn't still in like 8th-10th grade, you never know... He might be a master of disguise

simply_meeeee 26

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:15

Not gonna lie, I laughed pretty hard at his "cumin it" joke

ScottVining 21

Sunday 27 December 2015 7:15

That meal sounds very teste

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 528

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 3 961

The Top

Today, my sister got in a screaming argument with my girlfriend, who then dumped me. My whole family started celebrating. Apparently, they staged the argument to get rid of her because no one liked her, and I should be grateful they did me such a big favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 213

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 330

You deserved it 536

Today, I lost my cat. It's deaf, so no matter what I do it can't hear me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 615

You deserved it 4 946

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting out, "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 672

You deserved it 42 599

Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 3 224

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 328

You deserved it 4 214

Same thing different taste

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