Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
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Top comments
goshkoganwtf 0
Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.
EmilyMarie 0
I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)
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Comments (320)
iammeanttolive 0
Wow. Your mom should respect your beliefs and personal values. That was a really bitchy comment.
auglyorgan 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
your mom sounds awesome, she knows a thing or two about life definitely would listen to her
neonoodle 0
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#11: His mom probably knows him more than you do, seeing as how the only thing you know about him is from two sentences on an internet website. You don't even know if he is a he or a she. When I was 15 and my friends were all having sex, I also decided to wait until marriage... or until I got laid - whichever came first.
aimeegoldberg 22
I was about to thumbs up you before i read your last sentence. you decided to wait for sex until you had sex? keep making sense, buddy
OCChef 0
hahahahahahaha! high five to your mom for that burn
wrestler_fml 0
Your mom's a bad Christian, and she is a fraud, like the great majority of american christians. you should calmly explain that to her, and do it quick, because if she dies with her heart set like this, she isn't exactly bound for the pearly gates..... And that's not really a burn. I'll admit I'm a bad Christian and I didn't wait till marriage for sex, but I probably should wait from now on. I'm torn between the fun of it now, and my eternal future after I die
kamikaze_fml 0
YOUR A BITCH #9 has it right, people who make this devotion usually cant find anyone who wants to have sex with them I'm Christian, and im telling you your pathetic for not being able to see that sex is a natural part of life, even before you are married. Get a life and get laid, props to your mom for understanding this.
karma5 0
first, laugh...that's hilarious and I'd have to agree with #16 and #9 and your mom...dude you gotta test drive the car before you buy it...also you're risking an unhappy marriage by not trying it out first like it or not sex and passion are a big part of relationships and marriage....last hahaha religious people are funny
amounirl 0
Well the thing is anybody can improve, thats the reason why us religious people chose to wait, that and the intimacy and moral benefits, and not risking stds.. If in your relationship you cant openly discuss improving on sex, thats a problem in and of itself..
paeglesbagels 0
I'm sorry but god really doesn't care if you f**k or not. we were made to procreate. if he made us like that why would we be able to have sex before marriage? and marriage is just a paper and a ring. oh and it also legally binds your soul to someone else. and physical attraction is a big part. it's human instinct to be have the child of someone attractive so it has a higher chance of living
Kingrayer 0
yo, parents are always so harsh
yeahhbro 0
#15 way to judge.
Bauer_fml 0
Well giving you applause for not having sex would be like applauding someone paralyzed from the neck down for not robbing a bank. Just because they can't do it doesn't mean they should get a reward for it. Also, is it really that hard to find horny teenage boys that would probably doing anything with a pulse anymore? Post pictures, I'm sure someone here on FML will like you.