Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I told my ultra-Catholic mother that I was hanging out with a girl. While walking out of the flat, I didn't realize that I'd dropped one of my condoms out of my pocket. My mother saw it and ripped it apart, then yelled at me that, "Sex is for having children! You're giving yourselves to Satan!" I'm 20. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
goshkoganwtf 0
Your mother is a bitch. No offence to you. But its just mean what she did Im sorry.
EmilyMarie 0
I say you should get pregnant and see how she responds. (Unless you're male I suppose.)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (320)
courtneyissofuck 0
Okay. number 24, you're totally right. its completely their decision to do what they want to do. and 16- yeah. sex is soo unnatural. thanks captain obvious.
jet_fml 0
Everyone is being unnecessarily judgmental. Personally I think waiting until marriage is BS, but just because s/he has made this PERSONAL decision doesn't mean s/he can't get laid. Nobody should tell ANYBODY when to have sex. Maybe s/he just isn't ready.
mehwhateverr 0
What number one said. Your mom sucks.
tyler1 0
that is ******* hilarious. i love your mom wanna trade?
shelbi_T80 0
i think it's fine if you don't want to have sex before marriage. there are plenty of people that do that and it works out fine for them. it's not like it's some age-old thing that nobody does anymore. and at least you're not a ***** like the people that are saying you're stupid for not having sex probably are. they probably have a kid, or STD, or both.
The_Big_Guy 0
!!!!!O W N E D!!!!!
Ready_set_owned 0
Haha owned
yeahreally 6
ouch.....!!!!
tryandmuteme 0
for those who think waiting to have sex is wrong, read the FML above this one. (Date/time 03/12/2009 at 3:08pm by thisucks).
Malo_fml 0
Saving sex for marriage is like refusing to run because you're saving yourself for the Olympics. (Wish I could remember the source of that quote). Listen to your mother, she sounds like an intelligent woman.