By not ashamed! - 5/9/2020 07:57 - United States

Double standards

Today, I was told how irresponsible, dangerous and shameful it is to date as a single mom. Apparently, my one and only focus should be my children. I’ve had one boyfriend in the past two years. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has a new flavor of the month around our kids whenever he sees fit. FML
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By  Chazzster  |  20

Assuming you are a responsible mother, there is obviously nothing wrong with you dating. It would be interesting to know who said such a thing as it would make their motivation clearer.

By  RichardPencil  |  28

You never said who is passing this judgment on you.

Unfortunately, this person does have a point. Strange men are more dangerous than strange women in general, so the double-standard is not arbitrary.

COMMENTS
By  Chazzster  |  20

Assuming you are a responsible mother, there is obviously nothing wrong with you dating. It would be interesting to know who said such a thing as it would make their motivation clearer.

By  RichardPencil  |  28

You never said who is passing this judgment on you.

Unfortunately, this person does have a point. Strange men are more dangerous than strange women in general, so the double-standard is not arbitrary.

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  icalledhisname  |  11

Oh please. I would not allow the skanks my ex dates near my kid if I had a choice. Women are just as iffy as men when it comes to such things. My rule of thumb is that my kid does not meet anyone I’m dating, period. Even if the people are good, it is heartbreaking for kids if they get attached and you break up. I know from experience.

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  TxKitten  |  8

Dating in and of itself does not mean a single mom is being irresponsible. As long as she's being smart. And it's my guess it's the o.p.'s ex who said this to her. Mine tried to hold me to all kinds of double standards. I can promise you if it's her ex, it's more about trying to maintain a measure of control over her and emotionally manipulate her than it is about aincere concern for the children...UNLESS she's dating felons, druggie, abusive men, or child molesters. THEN the person who made the statement would have a point.v

By  Yummi_913  |  11

I think that only applies to the type of "mother's" that go dick hunting regularly, can't hold down a job, shirk parenting off on anyone they can, and are willing to bring jailbird meth daddy back into the family as opposed to protecting the kids FROM him. I know a few of these. Often hear them yelling "fuck you" at their VERY young children for just wanting some affection. This doesn't sound like you so ignore anyone who is dumb enough to put you in the same group as them. They're probably looking for any excuse to make you look bad and that was all they could pull out their ass.

By  genuinegoodguy  |  8

You definitely deserve to have some time for you to do whatever you want to do so long as it’s not illegal and doesn’t hurt your children. I think you’re ok on those so go for it. Personal safety is crucial but have fun.

By  Slim87R  |  6

That's a crock. There is no reason you cannot enjoy yourself because you have children. There are men out there responsible enough to handle a woman with a home life. Go have fun and screw any judgemental pricks who say otherwise.

By  TxKitten  |  8

You are doing nothing wrong dating as a single mom. Are your kids your priority? Absolutely. Does that mean you can't date? Nope, it sure as he'll doesn't. I'm divorced with full custody of my kids. I dated one man after the divorce, and now I'm married to him. Like your ex, mine had a "flavor of the month." He's finally settled down with one woman, but he had my kids sleeping over at so many different women's apartments, in violation of the divorce decree. It was disgusting. Hang in there. You ARE allowed to have a life.

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  LauraLaik  |  13

Children should be the first focus, not the one and only.
Parents -whether they are still together or single- are allowed to date, have hobbies, see their friends, etc.
Just because you have kids doesn’t mean the rest of your life stops and you can’t do anything other than taking care of them.
You’ll probably be a better parent if you take the time to take care of yourself and do things that make you happy than if you are constantly frustrated and unhappy.

Plus, OP is also complaining about the double standard of saying a single mom shouldn’t date but it’s fine for a single dad to date a bunch of women and introduce their kids to them even though he has probably known them for only a few weeks.