Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow....

By Shower? - 19/10/2009 07:26 - France

Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by saying "I'm changing my sheets tomorrow, so take a shower." FML

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Intimacy

Ghosted

Assumptions

Mixed signals

By knevs - 22/6/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, my mom sold our electronic stuff to pay for hurricane shutters. We live in Chicago. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 07:24 - United States

Today, I got a call from work stating that my employment was being terminated. This was after being suspended while they investigated my sexual harassment claim. Their reason for firing me: misuse of company time. Yes, I suppose reporting being sexually harassed is a huge waste of time. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to an audition for a play. The casting director thanked me for my time, but told me they would pass because I had "the emotional range of a turnip." FML

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By Scarred4Life - 11/10/2015 03:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket while I was in the car. I didn't even notice it happen. Ninja cops do exist. FML

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By WheatiesMan - 15/6/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

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By jakestorm - 4/9/2019 20:00

Blockages

Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML

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By kagan - 8/8/2019 14:00

Today, the only food in the house is canned beans and vegetables that I can’t stand. My dad refuses to go to the store because, "we can't afford it." Meanwhile, my stepmom just came home with a brand new Gucci purse. FML

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By NotAGoodDay - 10/8/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

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By justanothergamergirl - 17/4/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he is a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

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By DCarreon - 4/10/2012 07:13 - United States - Ceres

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2013 22:25 - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

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By Broon - 25/5/2012 19:55 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

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By ShittyKeys - 6/11/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I dropped my keys in the toilet. While in the kitchen looking for something to fish them out with, I heard a door slam. My sister had to use the bathroom and didn’t see my keys in the toilet before sitting down. Lucky me, I caught her just as she was about to flush. FML

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By ubbernoob - 5/3/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

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By Cora - 16/9/2011 14:10 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

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By sy123 - 29/7/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

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By chickenshit4 - 15/5/2016 00:57 - United States - Pine Ridge

Today, my 43 year old mother came home covered in hickeys. FML

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By dirtbikeguy - 23/7/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

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By Brad - 8/3/2009 05:33 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2011 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

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By anonymous - 17/1/2017 20:00

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2012 10:45 - Russian Federation

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

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By ParkerRommel - 27/1/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

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By SoClose - 3/4/2013 16:57 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was approached by a What Not to Wear kind of show, where you get money to buy a new wardrobe. I was so excited that I fainted. They revoked the offer, reasoning that someone who faints so easily would be too much of a liability risk. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2019 22:00

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

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By KittenTime - 26/5/2011 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

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By Just Me - 26/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

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By nofriends - 27/8/2009 02:28 - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

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By paywithpoop - 22/6/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

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By sadlysingle - 21/2/2014 08:04 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

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By McFuckYouTooCunt - 11/6/2015 13:44 - Australia - Bellevue Hill

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

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By anonymous - 12/8/2009 16:14 - Canada

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

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By jameen - 7/5/2016 11:48 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

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By mcfatty - 14/8/2016 04:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

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By Colin - 24/12/2008 05:56 - France

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

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By BadLuck - 27/10/2013 14:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 14:30 - United States - Buffalo

Today, during a meeting with my boss, she explained she's giving me one more chance before she has to fire me. Her reason? I accidentally ordered chicken on a salad last week for a meeting and she feels my performance has gone down the tubes. FML

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Top comments

By wellinever | 5

#627412 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:07

Shower together. Only so you can be sure that he is as clean as you. Now it's not an FML any more.

By FromCFL | 0

#627446 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:29

YDI for having to be told to take a shower.

COMMENTS

By Ranoona | 0

#627403 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:04

aha! Poor you. But if u relly do stink then take his advice.

123sploosh | 0

#627448 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:29

wait, like, ii dont really get this....is she like smelly or just grody?

jackkerouc9 | 0

#627735 - Monday 19 October 2009 19:45

shes french.

littlegolferboy | 4

#627961 - Monday 19 October 2009 21:34

Zinnnnng!

*High-fives jackkerouc9*

Zezing | 0

#632902 - Thursday 22 October 2009 10:52

huh did someone call me?

AnaMaree | 0

#633969 - Friday 23 October 2009 3:11

Attention Whore, no.

Morgannnnuhhh | 1

#3988428 - Friday 3 February 2012 23:19

Are you into girls?

By wellinever | 5

#627412 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:07

Shower together. Only so you can be sure that he is as clean as you. Now it's not an FML any more.

primadonna9396 | 16

#982636 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 21:50

Vive la France.

By Ranoona | 0

#627415 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:09

haha funny #2 xD

By happy_bubbles | 0

#627426 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:14

hahahaha

By smileyface94 | 0

#627439 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:25

maybe he just wants sex. but not dirty sex thats why he changes his bed sheets :)

By FromCFL | 0

#627446 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:29

YDI for having to be told to take a shower.

chahat | 0

#2857586 - Saturday 9 July 2011 22:15

lmao

Jayms_fml | 32

#6567850 - Saturday 26 March 2016 18:38

I was thinking the same thing. ;)

By bugmenotmofo | 34

#627470 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:43

Well...there's got to be a reason why your boyfriend says something like that...now all we must do is figure out WHICH, brainiac ;-)

cre8or99 | 0

#2947252 - Thursday 21 July 2011 23:30

HOLY SHIT!!! You've posted 133 FML's...... no life

By glostik | 0

#627477 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:47

Too bad your own boyfriend thinks you have bad hygiene..

By kukopia | 0

#627494 - Monday 19 October 2009 16:57

So now it's a FML to have good, open, honest communication with your partner?!?!? Mods, oh please mods... you can do SOOO much better!

MEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!