Don't wanna know

Wow, what a coincidence. This caused me to have a flashback to my days serving aboard the USS Futility of First Post. Yeah, it was a long time ago, but it's directly relevant to the FML, trust me on this. So there we were, en route to the Gulf of Aden on anti-piracy duty. The men were restless. I didn't know why at the time, just wrote it off as nerves. I mean, it was our maiden voyage, the men were bound to be on edge. My second-in-command, Nick "The Cunter" Rock, was on the bridge, flossing his nipples. The man had his faults, but one thing you couldn't accuse him of was having unkempt areolae. Those nipples had won more naval battles than I could recall, and I sure as hell wasn't going to judge my XO for being a stickler for personal hygiene. But that's a story for another day. It was all going smoothly. The crews of the pirate vessels were struck dead by the radiant shine of the sun reflecting off my shaven head, leaving nothing but a trail of ghost ships in our wake. Then IT came. We didn't stand a chance, it was all over before it even began, some dipshit had brought an undomesticated Perdix on board, and before anyone could unholster their sidearm, the creature had raped out half the crew. Even Big Nick's razor-sharp nipples couldn't hold out. It was only by the most staggering luck that just as my turn came, I was abducted by a UFO. I know what you're thinking: anal probing. No, people, no. It was a fate even worse than anal probing or indeed death. Gonna put it bluntly, people, because this is no laughing matter, no reason to beat around the bush. They forced me to listen to Justin Bieber's My World 2.0 album. Christ, it hurts just to think about it, but the world needs to know. Long story short, I woke up in a corn field in Texas, naked, ears bleeding, and with no reproductive organs left to speak of. They branded me a coward, said I'd deserted the ship. Bastards. They had to blame someone, and I guess it fell on me, being the captain. The price of serving your country. I only wish I could go back in time and take that wild Perdix on hand-to-hand like a man, but I sold my coked-up Delorean to cover my counselling fees. This is why I say this isn't an FML, cause I've had it so much worse. Wee-woo.

Dude, what tha **** are you doing here when u could be selling those stories to family guy?!

Wow, what a coincidence. This caused me to have a flashback to my days serving aboard the USS Futility of First Post. Yeah, it was a long time ago, but it's directly relevant to the FML, trust me on this. So there we were, en route to the Gulf of Aden on anti-piracy duty. The men were restless. I didn't know why at the time, just wrote it off as nerves. I mean, it was our maiden voyage, the men were bound to be on edge. My second-in-command, Nick "The Cunter" Rock, was on the bridge, flossing his nipples. The man had his faults, but one thing you couldn't accuse him of was having unkempt areolae. Those nipples had won more naval battles than I could recall, and I sure as hell wasn't going to judge my XO for being a stickler for personal hygiene. But that's a story for another day. It was all going smoothly. The crews of the pirate vessels were struck dead by the radiant shine of the sun reflecting off my shaven head, leaving nothing but a trail of ghost ships in our wake. Then IT came. We didn't stand a chance, it was all over before it even began, some dipshit had brought an undomesticated Perdix on board, and before anyone could unholster their sidearm, the creature had raped out half the crew. Even Big Nick's razor-sharp nipples couldn't hold out. It was only by the most staggering luck that just as my turn came, I was abducted by a UFO. I know what you're thinking: anal probing. No, people, no. It was a fate even worse than anal probing or indeed death. Gonna put it bluntly, people, because this is no laughing matter, no reason to beat around the bush. They forced me to listen to Justin Bieber's My World 2.0 album. Christ, it hurts just to think about it, but the world needs to know. Long story short, I woke up in a corn field in Texas, naked, ears bleeding, and with no reproductive organs left to speak of. They branded me a coward, said I'd deserted the ship. Bastards. They had to blame someone, and I guess it fell on me, being the captain. The price of serving your country. I only wish I could go back in time and take that wild Perdix on hand-to-hand like a man, but I sold my coked-up Delorean to cover my counselling fees. This is why I say this isn't an FML, cause I've had it so much worse. Wee-woo.

Wow, your parents have sex! Who could have imagined such a thing?!

.

Get back at your Mom by telling your Dad about it. That way, when he sees her in it, he'll think of you, and (hopefully) be unable to enjoy them.

Sorry to break it to you, but parent's have sex. Your also born because your mom was in your dad's pants. What are you, a grade 5 kid who never had sex ed or visited a pron site? ...

Well you may not be able to get rid of this life scarring moment, but I sure hope you forget those mental pictures.

awkward

FYL for having a mom who has to work at getting in your dad's pants! I can't imagine what it must look like to see a woman who can't get her husband to **** her trying to shoehorn her massive mounds of flab into tiny underwear that might be sexy on a woman half her weight. As far as I'm concerned, a decent-looking woman ought to have sex on demand from her husband. If she's frustrated, at least one of them has a problem.

That is disturbing >.>

it sounds like your mother and you have a good relationship and that she both admires and trusts your judgement. Try to be more mature about your parents relationship, at least there not divorced and fighting all the time