Sex and Intimacy: Desperate for D

Desperate for D

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 916

You deserved it 30 864

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
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Same thing different taste

By idefka - 08/04/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 1 851

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 178

You deserved it 51 632

Liar !

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 09:00

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 263

By virgo - 30/01/2010 06:50 - France

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 228

You deserved it 6 546

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 776

You deserved it 35 264

By indian:( - 18/01/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I realized that I hate lying to my mom about having a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 002

You deserved it 33 113

Tori Amos?

By wedeserveeachother - 24/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I made up a lie to my girlfriend so I could go to a club with my friends. My girlfriend told me that she was going to stay in and watch a movie. Guess who I shockingly ran into at the club, with her girlfriends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 2 288

By voltronn - 23/01/2010 05:04 - France

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 024

You deserved it 6 967

By Anonymous - 02/10/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I got a little too drunk and confessed to my fiancé, the love of my life, that I've been faking my orgasms all along. I hate that I can't lie when I'm drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 437

You deserved it 41 272

Big Brother is watching you

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel, but I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go. She the showed me a picture of my car outside his hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 2 658

newzealand 28

Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:09

You have hit rock bottom my friend.

marinus_fml 19

Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:10

Luckily diaries can't talk back, because it would have called bullshit.

Comments

vbmg152 18

Thursday 8 September 2011 3:06

Okay, that's sad! :-(

preludious 1

Thursday 8 September 2011 3:51

Best imaginary 30 seconds of your life.

maddie2015 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 4:01

Get a boyfriend. Hahaha then it won't be a lie

allycool999 4

Thursday 8 September 2011 4:18

get to bangin' my friend!

KaitlynAnn32 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 4:47

Get a life...

AFU_ALL_THE_TIME 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 5:02

That's stupid

bbrrumsky_fml 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 5:07

*palm to face*....you really are a sad-sad person...smh!

trololololdavid 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 5:19

I have the perfect guy for you his name?: forever alone face

thehauf 2

Thursday 8 September 2011 5:19

Really

XCraig 0

Thursday 8 September 2011 5:48

**********! Or if you are SUPREMELY desperate, get an escort!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned three separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 187

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 4

The Top

Today, two weeks after reporting our car was broken into, the police showed up to our flat. They came to inform us that our car was was broken into. We explained that we knew this and reported it weeks ago. Apparently, it was broken into again, and set on fire this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 679

You deserved it 2 132

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 364

You deserved it 2 080

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 993

You deserved it 4 359

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 170

You deserved it 3 449

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 547

You deserved it 3 325

Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 53