Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kimmi41509 10
What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.
Yellow_Fish79 11
She's going to really hate motherhood someday.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (125)
agentx52 13
My ex was the same way.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
She's just going to the corner gas station to poop because she clogs the toilet so much. Just buy a plunger and leave it by the toilet. Problem solved.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
I hope you haven't started her down the road to anorexia by telling her that if she doesn't eat she won't poop...
Chingy892987 14
I guess that must mean I'm a man with her logic O_O....
daytoday21 10
This like a "I don't sweat, I glisten" thing?
CheeseTron 15
The female species, such an enigma.
showmeyourears 19
xD Oh Vegeta
CheeseTron 15
Im glad someone got it! Haha Didnt have much hope for that comment.
chisty87 16
My friend it's safe to say you have an idiot for a girlfriend
lonkite101 14
**** U
merazeaside 0
South Park season 6 episode 8?
chrystallee0930 0
Is your girlfriend my aunt? ...Seriously?
GryffinDarkBreed 3
Don't have sex with the knuckle draggers. Not worth the risk of even accidentally furthering their genetic line.