Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
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Top comments
kimmi41509 10
What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.
Yellow_Fish79 11
She's going to really hate motherhood someday.
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Comments (125)
worldclassrager 41
pure at heart but not pure bowels ..
redhedsaysrawr 18
Ok, I'll admit i talk about some pretty strange stuff with my boyfriend, but why on earth would you talk about bowel movements with each other? Honestly, YDI for talking about this in the first place...
kitsune3 20
She's a girl, eh? Then I suggest breaking it off and finding a woman. They're generally smarter and more mature. ;)
sleet7 4
Actually she doesn't need to eat to take a dump. If she stops eating her body will feed off of itself and thus, produce waste.
Gister 0
Girls poop? No. That couldn't be! We poot flowers and rainbows. Silly men!
bmitchell2010 1
Bimbo.
classyorless 2
Haha, I tell my boyfriend this all the time. I hate bathroom talk, so when he insists upon it, I insist that I'm a lady, therefore I have no bowel movements. Stop trying to get her to talk about it XD
hellojazzii 0
congrats op, you're dating an idiot.
roxasfightshard 0
Everybody is wrong women do shit but not through their assholes they shit when they talk or atleast that's my foster mom and sister
harisonschmit 3
Hm, maybe your looking at this the wrong way.