Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained that she always feels like shit, and that she's tried "everything" to feel better. Everything except eating regular healthy meals, exercising, sleeping regularly, drinking water, showering, and changing clothes daily, that is. I pointed this out, and she kicked me out in a rage. FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML
Today, I, a 33 year-old guy, had to explain to my 27 year-old girlfriend that she does NOT pee out of her vaginal opening, but does in fact have a separate hole she pees from. She didn’t believe me. After showing her a diagram of the female anatomy online, she said, “Yeah well I don’t have one of those.” FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
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Top comments
kimmi41509 10
What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.
Yellow_Fish79 11
She's going to really hate motherhood someday.
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Comments (125)
SammyS2012 21
My boyfriend thinks it's strange that other guys really thinks that girls don't poop, or that they wish they didn't. It's a normal bodily function!! Plus, in my opinion, girls have to go through periods and birth, and I think that that is so much more gross DX
drawmyhearton_fml 3
Agreed. Period blood is so much worse 'cause you're just soaking in it until the next time you change your pad xP at least once you're done pooping, you wipe and you're good to go!
fsanchez9x 0
That's why her eyes are brown, she's so full of shit
SongBiird 6
She may be trying to tell you something. Vampires don't have a butt hole cause they don't poop... Next time you sleep, put some garlic under your pillow.
KarolineBabs 0
Haha, you should "dump" her!
apollo16 6
Not trying to be mean because I'm both of these but I have to ask... Is she a blonde?
trucker67 10
She's a keeper .
Spark_Slicker 19
What loony bin did you pick her up from?
Marissa_Land 3
Wow. That can't be healthy
hottiewitdamesse 8
well, she seems sweet
JackKack911 5
My girl friend used to say that. She'd say, "girl's don't poop".