Sex, Pranks, Awkward, Dad jokes and Intimacy: Dad jokes!

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 460

You deserved it 5 315

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Same thing different taste

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 4 322

Scolded

By oopsies - 08/01/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 007

You deserved it 5 454

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 36 234

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 868

You deserved it 4 876

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 16:56 - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 045

You deserved it 10 315

By twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 390

You deserved it 23 246

Cold shower

By MrAwsum - 17/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good, my phone beeped. It was a text from my mom, saying, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 497

You deserved it 48 692

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 843

You deserved it 5 560

By hugme101 - 20/12/2010 00:20 - Canada

Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 083

You deserved it 9 703

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 547

You deserved it 69 833

coolkid_matt 11

Wednesday 11 May 2011 12:09

hahaha :D awkward

Badtz_maru_fml 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 12:10

-Insert awkward silence-

Comments

WestCoastBabe 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 21:24

I seriously laughed my ass off at this.

Bossman11 6

Thursday 12 May 2011 6:36

you have no ass now :O

tdirrty 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:01

FUNNIEST THING EVER

tahvoh 3

Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:41

hhahahahahahahaha

dannilozon 0

Wednesday 11 May 2011 22:50

that's terrible !

AliciaicilA 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 16:47

Exactly my reaction!

ashley1357 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:00

ahahah don't feel bad my dad jokes like that all the time u get use to it lol

lulututu 4

Thursday 12 May 2011 1:05

Woaahh weird Family you got there

sara1010 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 5:10

ya u have a very weird n twisted family

Crazy4Christ 0

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:06

Eeew incest

rimzoni 6

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:24

did he :p

GloriousWhorious 6

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:46

Why is it that every time I see this FML, the first thing my brain registers is "My boyfriend came over to have sex with my parents"?

lulututu 4

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:49

Drunken words are sober thoughts:)!

lulututu 4

Thursday 12 May 2011 0:51

Drunken words are sober thoughts:)!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 097

You deserved it 20 811

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 140

You deserved it 12 373

The Top

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 459

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 374

You deserved it 2 802

Today, I went on the first date of my life. I also burped during my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 181

You deserved it 7 939

Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 855

Today, I got a parking ticket for parking in my neighbors' parking spot. I parked there because my neighbors were parked in my parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 418

You deserved it 2 526

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 553

You deserved it 6 735

Dad jokes!

Same thing different taste

Not now!

Scolded

Love and threats

Cold shower

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