Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying, "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML
Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML
Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML
Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML
Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML
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Top comments
tootsie68 22
That's plain rude.
elephantsarecute 16
At least he's not your biological father so you don't have those genes.
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Comments (87)
r0cks0 6
Serious jackass, hope hes not stepping out on your mom. Would fit his type. Some places you could get away with manslaughter for him dissing your mom like that.
mackdeezy 22
Thats not a good way to learn how he became your step father. That was rude on so many levels.
ninjalovin 8
Awwwww that's soooo romantic ! <3
jem970 19
Please for the love of god tell me you are joking. Because affairs are NOT romantic and neither is breaking up a marriage. Also the guy is clearly a pig if thats his motto.
ninjalovin 8
Thank you for the lecture. I shall never try to be sarcastic ever again.
jem970 19
Sorry. I didn't see it. My sarcasm meter on the Internet is very bad. Carry on.
SirEbro 7
That was rude of him. I just hope he didn't go into detail about the f*ck part.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wow, I can tell why your mother was swept off her feet...
Porter_Robinson 10
Geez, terrible to be in your position for that OP, but I guess you found it funny if you posted it on here :)
davek 36
Nice. I think what happened in Vegas should have stayed in Vegas.
twinkiefeets 17
Classy
alfred07 18
Charming
jem970 19
That pig should have stayed in Vegas and out of your moms pants and marriage. I'm sorry you had to hear that OP. Tell him to shut the **** up and tell him to stop talking like that in front of you. If the man who stole my mom from my dad talked like that in front of me? There would be problems.