Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
How do you know your sister hasn't been traveling with the Doctor while you're sleeping?
meeeaner_th 16
Bit of a harsh username there, OP.
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Comments (61)
TREVILLA 6
Damn sip sad
hazardmuffin 21
Yeah, that's unreasonable, but after reading that username, YDI.
tnasone2 6
You never know, could be your siblings dark secret
eriqqq 6
I'm sure the dark secret you're trying to hide is the fact that you're a rude, disrespectful, young person who refers to their mother as a 'gullible ****' because you think you wont get caught. YDI.
cosmicstare 9
I could picture her just giving y'all the evil eye while she eats cake.
erichsalvesen 13
Your mother is an idiot.
Stahrgeyzer 8
Just say that you stole the cookie from the cookie jar, act sad and like you want her forgiveness.
lowshadows 21
I'm Batman, there.
SuperDanielNL 23
Psychics are frauds, all of them.
ViviMage 40
Just admit you're in a cult that worships geckos and have a crush on the Geico mascot, for Pete's sake!